Suspicion

Things You Don't Know

⚠️* TW S*ICIDAL THOUGHTS*⚠️
Please remember this is 100% fictional. You matter so much and there's always another option. You can do anything please do not give up... if you feel like you don't matter, you matter to me. Please don't read this if this is a trigger for you and remember how strong you are. My insta dms are open (same username).

Good morning," Rosa smiled, handing Gina an apple and a coffee.
Gina stared at her. "I didn't know you were a morning person," she laughed.
Rosa cleared her throat nervously and didn't mention how she usually wasn't but Gina made her want to wake up and face the world. "Um... here's breakfast."
"No." Gina shook her head and walked through to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and started making scrambled eggs. "An apple is not breakfast, weirdo."
"Oh- uh, you don't need to cook for me."
"No i know," Gina smiled, handing Rosa a plate anyway.
They sat and ate, and although they were silent, it wasn't the awkward type Rosa was used to. It just felt comfortable. Gina was wearing a red pyjama crop top and pink tight shorts. They clashed horribly but she had dressed quickly in the dark. Rosa had chosen not to and was wearing a white fluffy bath robe she'd chosen that morning - Gina had had a laughing fit when she saw it in Rosa's closet the night before, and Rosa, though she couldn't quite begin to figure out why (feelings were confusing), had automatically put it on that morning as soon as she remembered the way Gina's laugh had brightened up her world for a minute. It had been a perfect morning but reality was starting to set back into Rosa's mind. Her and Gina could never be a thing. It didn't matter how much they wanted it. Nothing she wanted could ever come true any more. Was there any way out of how she felt? She wished there was some way to not have to face any of this.... no. Diazes don't give up on anything, especially themselves.

"Rosa, um.... do you want to maybe start seeing each other properly?"
"I cant i'm sorry," she said quickly, her heart shattering.
"Great! So Saturday- wait, what?" Gina stared at Rosa, stunned that she hadn't got the same response she always had.
"I... I don't like you in that way," Rosa whispered, desperate for her face not to betray her.
"Yes you do," Gina laughed nervously.
"No."
"So what was last night...?"
"A mistake."
"ROSA, WHAT THE F*CK WAS LAST NIGHT? IT WAS NOT A MISTAKE."
"It was to me. You need to leave."
Gina shook with fury and shock. "Are you drunk or something," she whispered, clinging onto the last shred of hope she could find.
Rosa swallowed back the lump rising in her throat and bit her lip. "No. I am not drunk. You need to leave Gina. Please leave."
Gina stood and strode towards the door, wrenching it open and slamming it shut behind her. Rosa finally let the tears fall once she'd left and screamed, punching her table, screaming and crying until she couldn't breathe any more. Screaming so loudly she didn't hear her door open again.
"Rosa?"
Rosa jumped. "What-? Gina, oh my god you scared me. What the f*ck are you doing? Get out right now."
"Why were you crying? Why would you cry so much that you can't breathe? Don't hurt yourself Rosa, you're bleeding," she said, showing Rosa her bloody knuckles.
"I wasn't screaming."
"I have ears-"
"I'm fine."
"You're not and you do like me. You do 'like me' like me. Like, properly. The english language needs more words," she laughed. "You like me, so why did you say you don't?"
Rosa looked at the ground, still trying to catch her breath. She'd cried too hard, her eyes stung and her chest was heaving. "Because I cant be with you. Yes, I like you. But we cannot do that and i need you to not ask me why."
"I've never seen you cry like that."
"I didn't mean you to."
"We don't have work today. Can i stay?"
"Fine, look you need to change. You look terrible, those colours do not look good together."
Gina rolled her eyes but cut her friend some slack. She was clearly very upset about something. "Gimme something then Diaz."
"Here," Rosa mumbled absent mindedly, taking off her bath robe and putting it around Gina's shoulders.
"Woahhh," Gina laughed, turning away.
"Sorry," Rosa said, trying to force a shaky laugh, but even that was beyond her.
"It's fine go and put something else on. Or don't," Gina winked.
"I will since we're just friends Gina. We can't be together."
"Right," Gina said, her smile fading.
They got through the rest of the day somehow, although the hours seemed to stretch forever. Both just wanted to sleep- Rosa to escape the world and Gina because... she's Gina. What didn't seem to stretch was the distance between them... several times Rosa found her face inches from Gina's in completely platonic situations. They were just drawn to each other like a magnet. Rosa wanted to grab her waist and pull her closer, wanted to hold her and shut the world out but she couldn't and it was killing her. She brushed her hand past Gina and hurriedly pulled it away, clearing her throat as she took in Gina's heartbroken expression. 'I'm making her so sad, she'd be better off without my drama,' she thought. What if everyone really would be better off without her? She was the cause of everybody's problems right now... or at least she felt like it. She felt like she was drowning - and the more she swam upwards the more lost and desperate for a breath, even a deadly one, she got.