Pretty Boy

torture...

Why does it feel like my hearts been ripped from my chest. Stomped on the ground and finally, ripped to pieces. For someone who's my friend I shouldn't feel this way over a petty gesture.
Tonight I've discovered my greatest fear and that Is losing you and simply being ripped away from your life. The drilling of torture to my chest and the tears seem never ending. All of this from ignoring me a few times since getting home.
How has this feeling over powered the love and affection I gained from you several hours before these inconveniences? The inconveniences that I am now trying to sob myself to sleep over.
Why does it feel like the immature minor that is in your life managed to ruin everything in a heart beat, over a few words, except after those words were said you acted normal with me like nothing had happened, you told me to remove him he couldn't get me which is exactly what I did, except now it feels like you've thought about what he said and decided it's true.
Maybe what I feel towards you is actually more then friends and that's why this disgusting feeling grows heavier and heavier within me. Just hours ago I was laid in your arms at peace like nothing was wrong and now I can't shake away the feeling of you're going to leave me and I'm far from close of knowing it's my over thinking mind or reality because the barrier between both have become a blur. My mind is exhausted and my body is achy, I feel trapped. It feels like if I loose you I loose everything.

I remind myself constantly everyone leaves eventually and for once I gained the confidence to say that would never Be you, except why now does it feel like it can be. Then what. I'm alone trapped with the terrorising thoughts that I'm scared to face more and more every day.

People reading this could be like it's just a boy they'll be more. But there won't be more of you.

You saved my life on many occasion not just the typical, oh I'm here for you but the full conversation, the tears that we shared that made me feel like someone actually gave a shit. The way you've calmed me down when anxiety beat my arse or when the voices and the shadows gained their power and scared me to the edge of death. The boy who didn't let anyone hurt me. The boy who saved me from everything he could and would take away the pain in a heart beat.

But also the boy that holds the power to hurt me in the most ridiculous ways.