Pretty Boy

temptation...

Who would have thought a year later and we'd be back to the place we were in last January. Except yes, we're a lot more comfortable and in a way bigger place then we were then.
How can a simple action immediately take us back and I wish I knew how. A simple gesture, movement and desperation, was all that it took.
An everyday trend in our life, the pattern of getting into bed, chatting, cuddling, Xbox except there was a break in the pattern.
The pattern now? Bed, movie, cuddle, tickle, movie, nap.
We knew from the start my one weakness was tickling except how does an innocent gesture turn back around. How did our bodies collide in a way that made each of us desire each other more and more yet a word isn't spoken about it.
Playing dumb is the easy option, we pretend we don't realise except it's pretty obvious what is happening between us. I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind on more then one occasion but now slow movements toward the thing I've wanted is over whelming except I envy more.
You know what you are doing and so do I. How did we go from a pregnancy scare which didn't make sense because I haven't had sex in months, go to something between us.
How did my mam walk in joking about the situation saying that my dad will beat your arse if I was because you're the only boy I have a connection with, turn into the reply of "as if they thought we were having sex".
To your hand reaching gripping my waist guiding my movements but not committing to the real thing. How did our innocent tickle fights turn into something sexual except without the removal of any clothing.
The minute your hand gripped my waist firmly I knew I was in deep shit. You knew I arched my back once tickled yet your position behind me stayed fixated. You knew I wouldn't do anything without permission,so what did you do? You found the nerve point in the back of my neck, pulled my hip closer to you and that's when we slowly lost control, the movements, the connection and me meeting you as our bodies collided into each other.
The way you looked at me the other day screamed I'm going to kiss you except we didn't. Why? Because we're both so petrified of losing each other and the bond we've created. I just wish you'd accept I wouldn't leave you and that's a decision you have to decipher.
How did not touching each other at all turn  into something I now crave on a night. Something I can't go 2 days without and something that started so innocently turn into something we both want.
The confidence on you today had me paralysed, the way you took over me like it was no issue and you wanted it just as bad as me, yet the conversation between us remains silent and the only way I can speak about it is through here. But of course you don't read these. You don't read my notes section that remind me you're not going to leave me or the side of me that's came to a realisation that she fell in love with the pretty brunette with brown eyes over two years ago, who didn't show any signs of loving her back, expect now everything's seeming to change.

And it's a change I think I'm beginning to like.