For a while I have not been able to sleep well at all, and if I do it's not on any sort of schedule, I keep waking up during the night and all in all it's really unsatisfactory when I do manage to get a good amount of sleep in
I try sleeping with the TV on, I try listening to sleep audios, doing sleep meditation, sleeping with no light or sound, sleeping with a little bit of light, sleeping with a little bit of sound, spraying sleep scents around my room, nothing works
Last night I took some melatonin and managed to fall asleep at around 11ish. Great, right!
Nope, I woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning, couldn't go back to sleep and then didn't go to bed that night until 1 A.M despite the fact that I was exhausted from working at a festival for the day.
The night before that I took 2 benadryls, which is like melatonin but stronger and 2 sleep gummies and got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep which was fucking heaven but I can't rely on benadryl to help me sleep every night, since it's unhealthy to rely on any unprescribed medication to sleep and I don't want to build up an immunity to it.
The nights before that all consisted of me either going to bed at an ungodly hour and waking up somewhat later, my sleep being interrupted or getting less sleep than the body requires.
At night whenever I'm laying down I tend to rock back and forth in my bed or tap my foot before I go to sleep. I've been fidgeting around in my bed for hours and nothing has happened.
Like, I don't get bags under my eyes unless I haven't been sleeping well at all and I woke up with some decent sized bags so that isn't good.
Now it's almost 2:00 A.M. I woke up at around 8ish and I don't feel like I'm going to fall asleep anytime soon.
Like holy fuck, once I finally start forming a better schedule and better habits, this shit comes
On the kind of bright side, at least it isn't effecting my mental health that much. Not being able to sleep sucks ass and it gets me down a little bit but other than that life has been pretty okay. I've been having days where I feel good about myself and others where I'm kinda just "meh" but I've still been doing well and my "meh" days are decreasing. It's officially been a year since I've felt suicidal so I'm proud of that!
