The Night I Was Saved

Chapter Thirty

"We should get out now." Hero's voice eventually breaks the silence, the water that's falling on the tiles blocking the sound slightly. His voice is rough and low, and his nose is pressed in my wet hair, where he nudges once to give his words a little more power. And even though I know that we've been in here for a good fifteen minutes at least and his friends will be here soon, I don't want to leave. I want to stay in this bubble a little longer. This bubble in which I feel safe in his arms and like other women of my age. Normal.

Daisy is sleeping against my chest, and I've never felt more at ease than at this moment. Right now, everything seems as it should be; my daughter is safe and content, and I feel just like her. It's doing wonders already, I can tell.

This is one of those moments that I've been wanting to have with her for so long. To do something that I couldn't do the moment after she was born; holding her close, skin to skin. And I feel she loves it too.

She's never been as slack and relaxed as she is now, not even when she's drinking from me. Right now, she has crawled against me as far as she could, and her breathing is matching mine completely. We are completely in tune and sync with each other, and for the first time, it feels as if me and her are going to make it. As long as we have each other, it feels as if we're going to be okay.

Of course, a part of why I feel that is because Hero's here too. His arms fit perfectly around both of us; his chest is pressed against my back and his hands are resting on Daisy's back and my hand. And even though I'm clothed in just my underwear, I don't feel uncomfortable. I don't feel the fear that I usually connect with being naked and vulnerable. I don't even feel the need to cover up which is something I normally do even when I'm alone.

For some reason, I can't even look at myself in the mirror without being covered. When I do look in the mirror because I'm forcing myself to pull open that horrible jar, I see what they did to me. I don't see my body, I see theirs. I see the invisible marks they left on me, and I hate it. I hate my body, solely because it's not mine. It's theirs; they claimed it. And yet standing in front of Hero without wearing anything but panties doesn't make me want to throw up and hide.

I was so nervous about doing this; I almost chickened out when I was taking off Daisy's clothes. But I gathered all the courage because I didn't want him to control me like this. The fear for the pain that he and his five men inflicted is stopping me from having beautiful, meaningful moments with my daughter and I can't let that happen any longer. My daughter is craving them just as much as I do and she deserves a mother that can give them to her.

So, I walked into that bathroom, not thinking about the how's and who's. I had stripped in just my panties so Daisy and I could have that skin-to-skin contact that she also has with Hero, but I figured that if I wanted to wear something to be covered, I could just give Daisy to Hero and throw on a top. But when I walked in and saw him shirtless and with his back to me, I felt all the nerves disappear. He oozes calmness, and he somehow rubs it off on me as well. I felt all the struggles fade to the background. All the thoughts and worries disappeared and made room for only one thing; Daisy.

My sweet Daisy.

I don't ever want her to feel what I feel. I don't ever want to rub those negative, horrible feelings off on her. I never want her to feel fear because of what I went through. I want to give her what Hero gives me; calmness. I want Daisy to lay in my arms and feel calm and safe.

And right now, while we are standing underneath the warm water in our perfect little bubble, I know she's feeling that. She's calm, and she's trusting me with everything she has without caring about anything in the world. And for the first time, I feel like I'm solely responsible for that.