The Night I Was Saved

Chapter Thirty-Five

I take a big gulp of my water while I try to ignore my stinging eyes and burning throat. The water soothes it somewhat, but I feel as if I've been screaming for hours. My breathing is uncontrollable, and my ribs hurt because of the constant sobs that take me by surprise every single time.

But it's out.

I've told her everything, and even though it hurts and I don't ever want to talk about it ever again, I know this was the right thing to do. Because if she didn't know everything, she wouldn't understand why I couldn't wait until tomorrow to talk to her.

When I called Alice and asked her if she had time for me today, she didn't even hesitate even though I know she has a family of her own with whom she probably spends today given the fact that it's the first day of the new year. She even let me decide on the time, and she kept repeating how happy she was that I called her.

But after settling on noon because Hero has an evening shift, I realized what it meant. What it actually meant that I wanted to talk to her today instead of tomorrow. It means that, even though I've only spoken to her for three sessions, I trust her. I know she is there to help me because that's what everybody says, but during the last session I had with her, I felt it too.

I felt how liberating it is to talk to someone that doesn't know me. Someone that isn't involved in the situation whatsoever. Someone who looks at the situation emotion-free, or at least with less emotion than everybody else I know. Someone that is a woman too.

And it was precisely that liberating feeling, along with the new-found trust I discovered, that made me tell Hero to pick me up around two. Because the moment he drove me here, I knew I was going to tell Alice everything. And I knew it would take a while.

I've told her the whole truth. Every little thing I can remember from the moment he took me until the moment Hero found me. I've shared things that I never wanted to replay ever again. Personal things about what they did to me. Things that I will never tell Hero because I know he won't ever touch me again if he knew. Not because he thinks I'm disgusting; he has proven to me that that's the last thing on his mind when he touches me. No, I'm afraid he will never touch me again because the things they did were so cruel, he'd be convinced that his touch would never feel good to me.

I could tell Alice didn't see all the details coming. She rubbed her eyes and placed her hand over her mouth multiple times, and although she didn't cry, I did see emotions flash over her face a few times. It doesn't surprise me; even though I still feel what they did to me, talking about it makes it even more real. And also even more unrealistic that I survived, to be honest.

And now that everything is out in the open, I do feel that relief I had yesterday too. I feel horrible, spend, and tired, but the relief is overpowering. And despite Alice suggesting that it is enough for today, I told her it wasn't. Because now that she knows everything, every single question and uncertainty is waiting for an answer.

Answers that I hope she can give me, or at least push me in the right direction to find the correct answers myself.

Alice knows about the article as well. She's read it which proves that it comes to people's attention fast. She asked me about it the moment I walked in, first figuring out how I felt about it before questioning if I have any idea who could've told them.

I honestly have no idea. The only people that know about the situation are professionals and people that Hero trusts. The idea that someone betrays that trust -professional or friend- makes me want to hide in a room and never come out again, and that says a lot coming from me.

I told her I didn't know, but it was the perfect opening for what I wanted to share with her. And now, about fifty minutes later, I'm finally able to take a deep breath of air as I take the last few sips from my glass. I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of Hero's sweater -for whatever reason he insisted I wore it today and I couldn't refuse since it smells like him- and then sit up straight so I can focus on my breathing.