His Leave (z.s.)

March 1 2015

Harry and Zayn were cuddled up in Zayn's bunk on the tour bus late at night. Harry was on the verge of falling asleep when he felt Zayn's breath hitch from underneath him.

Harry: "baby?"

Zayn: "sorry I uh...I thought you were asleep"

Harry: "are you crying?"

Zayn: "no, no I'm fine"

He wiped his face with his bare arm, composing himself as best as he could.

But Harry knew better than that, especially because Zayn never cried. Ever. So he lifted his head up and braced his hand on Zayn's bare chest.

Harry: "z what's wrong babe?"

Zayn: "everything haz..."

Harry's heart broke. It usually took him forever to get Zayn to open up to him, but that took little effort.

Harry: "can you...can you explain baby?"

Zayn: "I feel like I'm being crushed by all this fucking work. I'm not happy babe. I'm trying so damn hard to be happy but I can't be."

Harry: "I uh...okay...um, I dunno what to say"

Zayn: "you don't have to say anything Harry, it's not your fault"

Harry felt a tear slip from the corner of his eye as he laid his head back down, trying to process all that just happened in a short amount of time.

Harry: "when?"

Zayn: "when what?"

Harry: "when are you going?"

Zayn: "going where babe?"

Harry: "when are you leaving the band Zayn?"

Zayn closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to leave now, right then and there, but there was something holding him back. And that something had always been Harry.

Zayn: "get some sleep bubba"

Harry: "can't."

Zayn: "I'm not leaving you."

harry couldn't take anymore, he felt sick. He knew everything was falling apart day by day and as much as he tried to fix it, it was useless.

He slid out of the bunk with a wet face and as quietly as he could, retreated into the small bathroom and locked the door.

He sat down in the small space on the floor, buried his head in his hands, and cried.

He couldn't stop. It felt like he was letting the only thing that brought him love fade away without any chance of getting it back. It scared him senseless.

It took him an hour to completely calm himself down as much as possible, and Z never even came to check on him, leaving Harry with an even bigger hole in his heart.

When he walked back up to Zayn's bunk he heard him lightly snoring and realized that he'd fallen asleep in the time he'd been gone. So he grabbed his pillow and headed for the front of the bus.

He forgot a blanket, but he didn't mind. He curled up on the stiff couch, knowing he'd regret it in the morning, but he didn't care then. He shivered, but had no energy to get up and find some form of warmth, not used to sleeping alone.

Around 3 in the morning he heard footsteps padding against the floor of the bus and he glanced up to see and tired Niall walking toward him.

Niall: "hazza?"

Harry: "hey Ni"

Niall: "what the hell are you doing out here?"

Harry: "I just had a rough chat with Z"

Niall: "what about"

He grabbed a cold water from the mini fridge, which is why he came out in the first place.

Harry: "I think he's leaving the band Niall"

Niall: "what? why?"

Harry: "he said he's not happy anymore, and I know it's just a matter of time"

Harry felt his eyes well up with tears yet again as Niall sat down next to him and pulled him into his embrace.

It was the first time he'd felt warm since he left Zayn's arms a few hours ago.

Niall: "whatever he chooses Harry, I've got you, you know that"

Harry just nodded, unable to form words.

Niall: "maybe he's just overthinking"

Harry: "no, he's been going on about it since Christmas"

Niall: "really?"

Harry: "mhm, I just never said anything cause I knew you'd all freak out"

Niall: "have you been thinking about it?"

Harry: "fuck yeah, every day"

Niall: "you're drained haz, everyone can tell"

Harry: "it's just...I can't imagine doing life without him"

Niall: "cause you've been nonstop for three years mate, it's not gonna be easy"

Harry: "I don't even wanna fucking think about it"

Niall: "did he say he was breaking up with you?"

Harry: "no, he promised me he wouldn't"

Niall: "maybe he just wants a break from this not you."

Harry: "still ni, not seeing him everyday is gonna crush me"

Niall: "I think you need to let things come as they come. Stop worrying about the future, because i promise you it'll all work out."

Harry: "I hope so"

Niall: "you okay out here?"

Harry: "yeah I'll be good"

Niall: "come get me if you need me"

Harry: "I will, thank you"

Niall: "I'm always here mate, you know that"

Harry smiled a faint smile and sunk back down on the couch, relaxing into it as much as he could.

Harry: "god please don't let me lose him, I can't. He's my everything. Please."

And with that, he shut his fatigued eyes and tried his best to fall asleep. He tossed and turned for what seemed like another hour before he was able to completely doze off, but once he did all he felt was peace.

He just hoped what Niall said was true. Everything happens for a reason.