His Leave (z.s.)

March 18 2015

When Zayn woke up, his arms wrapped around Harry, he knew today was the day.

He knew after tonight's show he had to be done. It was completely wrecking him, and he'd had no motivation to continue.

He felt his heart beat harder at the thought and he hoped it wasn't loud enough to wake Harry.

At 5 in the morning his mind was racing with all of his thoughts. How would he leave? Who would he tell? Would he end up coming back? How was Harry gonna deal? It all passed through the forefront of his mind, taking the stage and making him shiver one by one.

And before he knew it, their alarm was blaring to wake Harry at 9.

Harry: "mmm I don't wanna get up"

Zayn: "morning bubba"

Harry puckered his lips wanting a kiss and Zayn happily replied, pressing their lips together sweetly before letting Harry lay his head back down on his chest.

Zayn: "don't go back to sleep"

Harry: "hmm why?"

Zayn: "we've gotta get going"

Harry: "you seem tense"

Zayn: "im good love"

Harry: "you sure?"

Zayn: "positive, now come on before they think we're doing something else"

Harry: "fine...I love you"

Zayn: "I love you too"

Zayn tried his best to act as normal as possible for the majority of the day, but he felt like he'd be lying if he said it wasn't eating him up inside.

He tried all day to figure out the best time to tell the boys about his break, and he figured before the show would be best.

He didn't wanna do it to bring down their moods. He just wanted to let them know that it would most likely be his last show for awhile. And he wanted them to know that before they made the most of it as a 5 piece for the last time.

As the clock rounded 7:30 he pulled them all backstage and to a secluded area.

Liam: "you boys ready?"

Zayn: "I actually have something to tell you guys"

Harry glanced over at zayn, not sure what he was talking about, but normally he did.

Zayn: "I uh...I know this isn't what's best for all of us, but for me...I need a serious break from this. A break to go home and find myself and heal. I can lie to your faces and say that I'm happy, but that wouldn't be right. I just feel so...I dunno, boring. I don't find excitement in things that I should, like this for fucks sake. I should be bouncing off the walls excited for the show but as much as I try, I can't be. I wanted to tell you guys before we got out there cause I guess...I wanted you to be prepared for our last show together for awhile at least. I'm really fucking sorry but, I hope you get why I need it. I really really need it."

By the time Zayn had finished his speech Harry was squatted down with his head in his hands, sobbing.

Zayn tried his best to hold in his tears but once he saw that it was over. He had tears pooling down the sides of his cheeks.

Liam: "we'll talk after the show"

Zayn nodded, thankful that they were willing to give the two of them some alone time before the show. They definitely needed it.

Zayn: "can you stand up so we can talk?"

Harry: "I-I ...I can't"

He was having trouble breathing at this point, he honestly felt like his entire world just crumbled at his feet.

Zayn: "bubba please...I love you"

Harry: "then why...why are you doing this?"

Zayn: "because for once, I have to do what's best for me. I'm not healthy baby, look at me."

Zayn felt tears fall down his cheeks but he didn't care to wipe them away.

Zayn: "you see me every night, almost naked if not completely naked...you know I'm not healthy bub."

Harry: "I...I can't breathe. I can't do the show. I...not now."

Zayn grabbed Harry's hands sternly and made them lock eyes.

Zayn: "you are not disappointing the thousands of people who came here to see you, because of me. Do you understand me?"

Harry would be lying if he said Zayn's strict side wasn't hot, but it wasn't the time.

Harry: "does it hurt worse to disappoint one person, than to disappoint thousands, cause you're doing both."

Zayn: "that's not fair"

Harry: "so what if it isn't...I haven't spent a day since the second fucking tour not in love with you baby. Now you expect me to just walk away and let you go? Fuck no! I can't!"

Zayn: "just please listen..."

Without warning Harry threw himself at Zayn, clinging onto him in a hug that both of them didn't realize they'd been craving.

Zayn relaxed into the hug, rubbing circles on Harry's back to calm him down.

Zayn: "shhh I'm right here"

Harry: "you said you'd always be my baby remember?"

Zayn: "of course I do, and that won't change."

Harry: "I don't know how I'm gonna do this."

Zayn: "if not for me...then do it for them."

They both glanced to the stage, their intro blaring through the speakers as they crowd screamed deafeningly loud.

Harry went to walk toward his spot, his hands shaky and his eyes red. But he hoped maybe he was far enough away for them to notice.

Zayn grabbed his hand before he could flee and pulled him back to crash their lips together.

Zayn: "I love you, this'll all work out. I promise you."

Harry: "are you sure?"

Zayn: "I'm positive bubba."

Harry: "I love you too."