Solos from FOUR

15. Once in A Lifetime

“And once in a lifetime is just right

And we are always safe

-

Somehow, it feels like nothing has changed

Right now my heart is beating the same”

“You remembered,” she says as her entire face crack into a smile. I smile, knowing I fooled her into thinking I had forgotten Valentine’s Day. We’ve been together again for over a month now.

“Of course,” I say and approach her with the dozen of red roses and box of her favourite chocolates. Others might say my gift was too cliché but I don’t care. I know Freya loves this stuff.

I sit down next to her and she grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls me into a kiss. I am still not sure how I managed to get this wonderful girl to love me. I feel so privileged that her eyes shine like that and they only do that for me.

“I got you something too,” she says and pulls out a black leather notebook. She hesitates for a beat and I don’t move to take it from her.

I watch the old insecurity on her face and right now, it feels like nothing has changed. We’re back to her not accepting her feelings and me trying to win her approval.

“Freya,” I say softly and her eyes find mine. She is tearing up.

“I wanted to give this to you but I’m scared,” she says and it sounds like she’s scolding herself. “I’m still bloody scared.”

I don’t know what that leather-bound book contains but right now I don’t care.

“Babe, it’s okay. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

She shakes her head. “I’m still learning and I need more time,” she mutters to herself. “I’m sorry. One day, I promise.”

“Love, it’s fine,” I say although my curiosity is killing me. I’ll ignore that for her. “I love you and we are always safe.  No need to rush; we’ve got all the time in the world and this is a once in a lifetime kind of love, so it is just right.”

A single tear runs down her cheek before she crawls onto my lap and kisses me.

“How do you always say the right thing?” she questions and I wipe away the tear with my thump.

I shrug. I don’t always say the right thing. If I did then I wouldn’t have taken this long to get her to love me. I would know what to say to make her tears stop and my words wouldn’t make them run down that beautiful face.

Some days I feel like some force I won’t be able to control will take her away from me. It’s terrifying. I can’t imagine a life without her by my side. She even came back to work for our management and it’s going better than ever.

I force my eyes to divert from the notebook. She’ll give it to me when she’s ready. I just wished she could trust me like I trust her. Sitting here with her in my lap, I close my eyes and I feel like everything lines up. She makes it make sense.

“You truly are my only love. My once in a life time love,” she says and if I’m not mistaken, she sounds a bit scared. I still don’t get why she can’t just be happy? I know she’s happy too because I can see it in her eyes but occasionally worry overclouds the happiness.

Somehow, I know that my life wouldn’t have been complete without her. Right now my heart is beating the same as it would if she didn’t exist but every beat would have been empty. It would simply natural process that makes my body able to function. Now, it beats for her.

I feel happy and content with her by my side and I’ll give her all the time she needs as long as she stays with me. I can be patient for the love of my life.