“I have loved you since we were 18
Long before we both thought the same thing
To be loved and to be in love”
What does it really mean to be in love? I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately. Is it love when she the first person you want to share anything and everything with? Is it love that she always makes you feel safe and comfortable? Is it love if you can’t imagine living a life where she isn’t a part of it?
If that is the case then I’ve loved Freya from the moment I met her. She walked into my life four years ago and I’ve never really considered that I be in love with her until recently. I relish in the way she touches me and when she smiles at me, everything else fades away.
When we first got together as a band everything was so overwhelming and new and I focussed so much on getting to know my band mates but now when I reflect on our journey, I can’t recall a single important moment where she hasn’t been there.
When I first met Freya, she was a shy girl hiding behind her glasses. I remember that I thought that she was adorable but so insecure. Over the course of these past years, I’ve seen her grow up to be a strong and capable young woman.
But the feeling in the pit of my stomach has remained the same. That indescribable feeling has always been constant. I thought it was just because I like and admire her and I love having her as my friend but now I think it has been something different all along. Love.
I know I need to see her. Luckily, we’re on tour and she’s very close by. I track her down and when she sees me, her face light up in a smile.
“Hey babe, how are you?” she asks.
She’s kept calling me that lately and I love it.
I don’t answer but I wrap her up into a hug. Every time I’ve hugged her previously, I felt how my arms warm around her body perfectly. Now I also feel something more as if she is a puzzle piece falling into place in my arms and when I let her go I feel incomplete.
“What was that for?” she asks.
I need to confess my revelation about love but I’m scared. She could reject me. Knowing her, she would do it kindly but rejection always stings. Only coming from her, I think it would tear me apart. I push the thought aside. I need to be brave.
“What do you want out of life?” I ask softly.
She looks at me sincerely and her eyes are mesmerising.
“To be loved and to be in love,” she answers. “I know it’s cheesy but it’s the truth.”
Relief flushes over me. I’ve always known that she’s a hopeless romantic but still her honestly help calm my nerves. She just wants love and that’s what I’m offering her.
“We met long before we both thought the same thing. We were young and insecure but we’ve had each other backs for a long time. I can’t imagine what my life would look like without you.”
My voice is shaking.
She throws her arms around me and pulls me into a hug again. I hug her back. As always, she’s making something difficult easier. Now I don’t need to look at her face when I make my confession but I’ll still have her close.
“I have loved you since we were 18,” I say softly.
She tenses against my body and pulls back her upper body to look at me but we are still standing close and her hands remain on me. Confusion fills her eyes and she slips out of my grip.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles.
“It’s…” she hesitates. “I’m…” she stutters.
I know she is looking at my face as she sees me breaking and she’s desperately trying to say something, anything. I feel like time is moving in slow motion.
I press both of my hands to her cheeks and she stares into my eyes.
“I need time,” she says before she slips out of my grip.
I can feel my heart breaking as I watch her leave.
YOU ARE READING
Solos from FOUR
FanfictionA short love story based on and inspired by Louis Tomlinson’s solos from the album “FOUR”. As we progress through the songs, so does their relationship.
