“Some day you’re gonna see the things that I see
You’re gonna want the air that I breathe
You’re gonna wish you never left me”
I know that Freya is petrified by change and never let go of things she love. I have seen her wear an old T-shirt that is literally falling apart but she still wears it every time she has a cosy night in. She doesn’t want to replace it by a newer, whole T-shirt.
I’ve taken comfort in her disability to change anything and throw away stuff. It gives me hope that she’ll never throw me away. On the other hand, I know that is one of the problems in our relationship. I know that she wanted a simple relationship while also maintaining our great friendship.
That’s a fantasy. You can’t possibly have a relationship without complications. You can’t keep being best friends the same way when you’ve fallen in love.
One night I open my door to find her standing in sweats with puffed cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. I instantly pull her into a hug, not knowing what had happened but knowing she is on the verge of breaking into tears.
She pushes me away with a swift movement and steps inside but continue to walk past me. Baffled, I shut the door.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she says and her voice breaks with a sob.
I feel a knot in my stomach and I am afraid of where this is going. She couldn’t possibly break my heart by leaving me? Could she?
“We’re toxic for each other and it can’t go on. I’ve broken you and I can’t and won’t be the reason for your misery…”
“You’re not!” I interrupt. “But you will be if you continue with that speech.”
Her face contorts in pain and her eyes are glistening with tears.
“I need to continue,” she says and pauses for a beat. Her entire body is shaking. “I’ve asked to be transferred to a different department. I can’t stay. I can’t see you everyday. You’ll ha…”
“No!” I protest.
“I’m sorry but I can’t stay with you. We’re done…”
Tears are streaming down her face and she looks as sad as I feel. I can’t understand why she’s doing this if it makes her that sad. Why can’t we stay together and work it out.
One half of me want to break down and cry but another is utterly furious with her. She doesn’t need to do this. I would rather be constantly fighting with her than losing her. I refuse to let the sadness consume me and instead give into the anger.
“Fuck! I swear to you, Freya, you’re gonna want the air that I breathe, you’re gonna wish you never left me! You’re making a huge mistake!”
She looks startled but her tears continue to fall.
“You’re going to have lonely nights without me and wish that you had listened and stayed with me!”
I can see my words reaching her but at this moment I don’t feel bad for hurting her. I don’t even feel remorse as the anger flows through me. Our relationship could be all blue sky and sunshine but she keeps bringing clouds to ruin it. I don’t understand her.
“I should go,” she whispers and rushes towards the door. She pauses in the doorway and looks back at me one final time.
“Some day you’re gonna see the things that I see, Freya. I don’t understand why you refuse to believe that we could be happy together,” I say as my nerves settle and the sadness rolls in.
Worst part is that she actually looks like she believes my words, which only makes my heart ache more.
“Goodbye,” she whispers and exits.
I fall to my knees and let the pressing tears burst out. I’ve lost her.
YOU ARE READING
Solos from FOUR
FanfictionA short love story based on and inspired by Louis Tomlinson’s solos from the album “FOUR”. As we progress through the songs, so does their relationship.
