A Promise To The Beloved (Completed)

40. His Fears...

"Say that you will never leave me."

As she looked in his eyes, the softness in them and the want in his words unleashed in her several feelings and emotions that were indescribable. Immeasurable.

"It was you who left me." she complained, "And you never even bothered to give me a call and -"

"I'm sorry." he apologized quickly as he still held her hand in his.

"During all this time I was sitting here trapped within these walls not even knowing what to do next and you were nowhere to be found. You didn't even tell me where you were."

" I was in my office all this time. I worked and slept there. If you want I can prove it to-"

Before he could complete the sentence she placed a finger on his lips and he went quiet.
" I trust you and every word you say but listen to one thing very clearly, Mr Ashton king. I can forgive you if you break my heart even a hundred times but if you ever tried to trample on my dignity or if you ever try to disrespect me then I will leave in that very instant."

" I will never do that," he says quickly. "Since the moment I met you it was just you Lilly and no one else. And there was no one even before you. All the secrets that I am scared of even admitting to myself I have said them to you. I have never allowed any woman in my life but you got under my skin. You became someone who started to matter."

He looked at her with so much adoration that her heart started twisting with pain and joy at the same time.
"You are so much in all the aspects of my life that I don't even know where I end and you begin. When I open my eyes every morning, the first thing I want to see is you." he says as he gently brushes her cheek, "And during this past week I missed it so much. I missed your eyes, your voice. I missed you."

Snaking an arm around her waist he brought her even closer as he continued, " I have never told anyone about the deepest and darkest secrets of my life. No one knows that I suffer from... PTSD." he said with difficulty as if the word was just too heavy on his tongue. He still looked embarrassed and uncomfortable about it and it was then that she realised how difficult it must have been for him when she pushed him so hard emotionally and mentally. How difficult it must have been for him to calm himself when all those bad memories returned to him because of her. She regretted pushing him like that.

"Other than Grace and my doctor no one knows that I am suffering from this. Grace knows because she was the one who took me to a doctor after I suffered from frequent nightmares and panic attacks in childhood."

Lilly lowered her gaze ashamed and guilty at her behaviour from before but Ashton made her look at him as he continued, "I will give you anything and everything that you want, Lilly but I will never allow you to leave me. I can place the world at your feet but I can't let you go out in that world again. Not without me. I want you beside me so that the world would know you are mine."

She had wanted to smile at this but she controlled those overwhelming emotions. At this moment he sounded like the 6-year-old version of herself who was so possessive of everything she had and she realised she was still the same. They both might be different in quite many things but they were still the same in at least a few. They both were very possessive of their beloved ones.

"So Lilly, ask me anything you want and I will give it to you without a second thought but I'll never allow you to leave me. You are not allowed to do that."

She gulped down the thick lump of emotions that formed in her throat and looked at him. "Today when I saw you with that woman I died a hundred deaths in that moment. If I saw you with any other woman again I am not sure what I would do."