Catfish and the Bottlemen || Imagines

More Than This - Bondy

"How many times?" The words rung out in his ears, repeating over and over in his head. His chest filling with an unexplainable guilt as he struggled to meet her heartbroken eyes.

The flickering candles on the table bathed her skin in a warm glow, one which highlighted the tears which streamed down her face freely, Showcasing the natural beauty that she possessed. It's ability to shine through even in the darkest of days still surprised him, even after all these years.

When he decided to tell her, he'd done it convinced it was the right thing to do. The shame had become too much, telling the truth was all that he had left to try and salvage himself. After their third glass of wine he'd finally found the courage to do so, watching her weep with an aching heart as he recounted what had happened this last tour.

His attempts to keep her in a good mood till he told her had only made things worse. Making her favourite pasta and buying an expensive wine, spending the whole day building up the willpower to tell her what he'd been up to, it only broke her heart more. Only made it worse when she revealed through tears that she thought she was getting an engagement ring. The reality of things however was a stark contrast to the innocence she'd approached the night with.

It acted as a reminder of why he'd risked everything to tell her, possibly ruining the best thing he'd ever had to ensure that one day he could give her that ring and mean it. Clinging to the hope they could start anew from here and he'd stay true to his word this time.

That little voice that rung in his ear was all he had left of the person he'd sworn to be. The faint remainder of his shattered conscience forcing him to tell her straight. Left him with no other choice but to relay the ugliest parts of himself to her and hope that she'd forgive him for it.

He was a liar and a cheat and she had deserved to know, deserved the truth from him before anyone else gave her it. She'd gone into shock at his revelation, an unsettling kind of trance had taken over her eyes and she'd stared right through him. Putting it down to shock he'd assumed she'd been trying to piece his words together and make sense of it, desperate to figure out what had gone wrong between them.

That had been the first thing to break his heart that night, the sad look in her eyes when she'd asked him what she'd done wrong. Eyes flickering between her lap and him nervously, repeating herself when he didn't answer her question. The right words failing to form in his mouth because his own head was trying to wrap itself around the fact she thought that the blame lay with her.

That she thought for even a second that his actions were her fault.

"How many times did you sleep with her John?" She'd asked quietly, her previous question left unanswered. Her small hands covered by the fabric of one of his sweaters, she'd stolen it from the drawer and now it clung to her frame, drowning her slightly due to the size. The sleeve now damp with tears she'd wiped away as they threatened to continue falling.

He hadn't predicted the heartbroken frown and salty tears. Hadn't expected her to blame herself for his foolishness and not even for a second had he thought she'd have been so defeated. She should've been angry and screaming, should've told him she hated his guts and that she wanted him gone that night. So when she'd bowed her head and cried, demanding the whole truth from him because he owed it to her, it destroyed him completely.

"I'm... so sorry" he mumbled hoarsely, unable to look up from the floor for shame. Repeating himself again because it was only now he realised what he stood to loose because of his actions.

"Tell me how many times Johnny... please." she pleaded, a sob catching her out as she trembled when she called his name.

It didn't feel right that she was the one begging him, pleading with him for the details of his affair with a girl he barely knew. When he confirmed it had only been once she'd looked relieved yet still she shook her head, sobs wracking her body silenced by her hand covering her mouth.