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Amaru Rouge POV
Staring blankly at the ceiling above me, I felt worthless. I laid in my bed and made traces of the white faint lines on the ceiling above me. The wind blew furiously outside my window.
A knock sounded on the door. I ignored it. I decided to turn my body but I remember I couldn't. I was paralyzed from the waist down. I continued staring up, not bothering to acknowledge the person on the other side of the door.
"Ru...?". I heard my sisters soft voice. I ignored her. She peeked through the door. I saw through my right peripheral view. A scoff escaped from my lips. It was unintentional though.
"I brought food". She walked in even though I didn't invite her in.
"I'm not hungry ". I told her. She smacked her lips in annoyance.
"Amaru, you need to take your pills so you can heal". Noonie whined causing me to roll my eyes, still laying on my back. I was used to it and my back didn't hurt as much.
"Noonie no". I softly scoffed.
"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself ". She spoke, walking towards me. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I grunted, wanting to move.
"Nothing will change". I told her.
"Stop talking like that, please". She whined. She hated when people were negative about situations, they could change but, in my case, I couldn't help myself.
"Lemme help you". She rushed towards me, but I held my hand up.
"Nah I got it". I stopped her in her tracks. My hands held down on the bed. I tried lifting my body. I don't know why I couldn't move the way I wanted to. I grunted, feeling no twitch in my legs.
The pain that shot through my upper body was excruciating. A loud grunt escaped my lips causing Noonie to rush my bed side.
"I'm fine!". I told my sister still holding my hand out. I wanted to do something by myself but that was hard too.
"You are not fine, lemme help you". She said, wanting to cry. I wanted to as well, but she couldn't see me weak. Her older brother wasn't weak. He was strong. A fighter.
"I can do this, damn!". I snapped, trying to move once again. To no avail. Noonie saw I was struggling and came over and I let her because I just couldn't do it.
I couldn't help but feel useless. I couldn't help myself to move even to sit up right. The anger inside me started bubbling up. I could feel the frown deepen on my face as my little sister lent me a hand as she moved my body up the pillow, and I was sitting up right.
She fluffed my pillows and pulled the blanket over my legs. She grabbed the tray from the nightstand so that I could eat and laid out the food she had cooked before me on my legs.
"I hope you enjoy my food". She told me. I simply glanced at her, seeing her beautiful smile etched on her face. I couldn't smile even if I wanted to. There was nothing to smile for when I was hurting. I nodded my head and grabbed the fork from the tray.
I jabbed through the macaroni, grabbing a forkful, bringing it close to my lips. The divine smell of the mac and cheese dance along my nostrils. I put the fork in my mouth and slowly chewed all while she watched me.
"Is it nice?". She questioned with a hopefully smile on her face. Noonie wanted to own her restaurant after she graduated from culinary school so she would create different types of food for us to have a taste.
"Yeah". I lowly said. I didn't want to give her a head nod. She deserves more than that especially after she had prepared a nice meal for me.
"Why are you here?". I blurted out before I could even think about what I wanted to ask. Noonie's head snapped up from the lint she was picking to staring into my brown eyes.
"What do you mean?". She questioned back a frown settling on her face.
"What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to be out with your friends?". I asked her, remembering she was meant to be with her friends and not me.
"Oh, I decided to stay here. With you".
"Why?". I couldn't help but ask. The frown I once had returned.
"Amaru what do you mean, why? Why wouldn't I stay?". She questioned back. That only fuelled my anger that had subsided.
"I know what you thinking and no I didn't do this because I don't think you can't take care of yourself. I did this because you are my brother and I want to take care of you. I want to do this". Noonie told me and I couldn't help but feel angry at myself. Resentment towards my own damn self.
How could my sister decide not to go out and have fun with her friends as she takes care of me. I didn't want her to waste her time on me. She was losing time with her friends, and I didn't like that.
"Noonie, go". I said.
"What? Why?". I heard her whine, and I couldn't face her as I told her.
"Just go and be with your friends. You don't have to take care of me. I'm a grown man". I looked up locking gaze with her hazel eyes.
"I'm not leaving". She folded her arms across her chest. I threw her a stern look, but it did nothing but make her give me one back.
"I'm serious Noonie. I will be fine".
"No I ain't doing none of that to you. I want to take care of you, and I know you'll be bored but your ass don't wanna admit it". She joked causing me to chuckle.
I couldn't front and say I wasn't bored half of the time. I had completed all the puzzles, books, crossword puzzles and had memorized all the lines to the movies I watched.
"You can't do much by yourself when you can't move from the waist down ".
"Aww Ru, don't worry about it. In no time, you'll be back on your feet". Noonie reassured me, rubbing my hand but I didn't believe it.
It's been eight months and the physiotherapist he had just didn't work fast enough according to him.
"I want to start walking again now. I want my life back!". I harshly told her, seeing her flinch. That again was unintentional.
Being paralyzed made me angrier than I usually am but I was working on it. I unclenched my fist which were placed on my sides.
"I get that you are frustrated but you gotta be patient as well and give it your best. Daddy said he was looking for the best physiotherapist for you. We want this as much as you do too. Just be a little more patient". My little sister told me, and I couldn't help but feel a bit calmer by the little advice she had given me.
I just wanted my life back, was that so much to ask for?
I needed to take this day by day and not push harder than I can go but give myself credit for how far I've come. The last eight months have been the worst I've been through, and I don't wish that even on my own worst enemy.
Losing my family was the most devastating thing I had to go through after losing my mother just a few months before. The constant feeling of having not to see the people you loved is terrible for me, but I have to move on and be better.
I had to do better. I had to find myself again. I couldn't help but feel that this time was going to be better than the last year that had passed.
