Already Gone

6

dream

"George, I'm sorry that this probably isn't a good time, but I've got myself in the mindset now and I need to say this." 

He let out an audible sigh.

"Dream, it definitely isn't a good time, I'm out right now." His words were hesitant and shaky.

"You're out? What the hell? You're never out. Can you get home any sooner? It's - uh - it's pretty important." I blurted out, probably a bit unsympathetically. 

George rarely goes out, and even though I know that he's been acting odd, this was weirder than that. The fact that I was being so pushy and insensitive with him was probably pissing him off as we spoke. 

"Wait- II 't mean it like that, I'm sorry. Take your time." I added, just to clear up my messy tone from earlier.

"Hmph, it's fine Dream, look I'm already on my way home okay? Whatever it is you want to say you can say it when I'm back. I'll call you back." He said, clearly slightly agitated that I had interrupted him.

"Thanks," I said, but he had already hung up. 

I collapsed backward, letting my head hit my pillow, and let out a slow puff of air. Everything was a blur. 

Would I even be able to tell him now that he had given me time to process my thoughts? I wanted to be able to confess to him so badly - but the number of things that could go wrong completely out-weighed the things that could go right.

It could potentially ruin our friendship - if he took it the wrong way, or just wasn't interested. I knew he had been slightly temperamental recently, so maybe springing something dynamic on him like this wasn't the best idea.

But I needed to get it out. I needed to. I had spent so many days - and nights - contemplating whether I should tell him or not, and I finally wanted to tell him, even if it did turn out bad. I couldn't keep it in anymore.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I pulled out my phone from my pocket as soon as the familiar tune of *road shimmer, wiggling my vision, heat heat waves, I'm swimming in a mirror* started playing. [I HAD TOO I'M SORRY]
It was my personal ringtone for George. Our favorite song.

"Hey. You called back!" I said, trying not to sound too surprised, even though I am.

"Well yeah, of course, I did - you told me to." He replied, jokily, but something about it sounded slightly forced.

"Okay, well I'm glad. It's kind of important. I've wanted to - no, needed to say this for a long time. Ever since we started talking actually, and I've always always always found a reason to hold back." I rambled, trying to make my disclaimer as long as possible.

"Alright, well whatever it is, I'm ready. Get on with it." 

"Yeah well, somehow, it's not that easy. George, I love you, there's no simpler way of putting it. I am in love with you." I blurted out - definitely going all in too soon, but I didn't care, I needed him to know how I felt.

"I want to make you smile and laugh like nobody else can, I want to be able to prove my feelings to you day in, day out. I want you to never forget how much you mean to me. I want to be there so that you never have to feel alone." Looking back, it's slightly bittersweet what I said. I should have kept going.

As soon as I finished, butterflies flutter around my stomach - making me anxiously wait for a reply.

"Dream. That's a lot of you to say all at once," he said, slowly. "You've really got to stop saying stuff you don't mean."

My heart hammered clamorously in my chest, demanding freedom. How hard it wanted to be able to escape the prison of my ribs, and desperately go and sit next to Georges - I couldn't explain. The possibility of rejection suddenly felt so much more real than I had imagined - like my feelings were about to dissolve where I stood depending on what was about to happen.

"But George - what do you mean? How else can I prove it to you - I tell you, I tell you over and over again how much you mean to me, I confess my unexpressed love to you, and you STILL don't fucking believe me? I love you. I love you George and I want to be yours." I begged, desperate for confirmation. My voice began to crack.

"But why would you love me? All I do is push you away." His voice was soft.

I sat in thought for a while. It was true - he had been especially distant recently, but would admitting that and getting into another argument bring him to me? No. It wasn't the George I knew and loved, and it hadn't been for quite some time, but I knew he was still in there - even if he was buried too deep to reach right now.

"Because you're smart, and funny, and chill to be around - you make me feel comfortable. I like hanging out with you, even if you are hundreds of miles away. I could sit in a call with you for hours and not get bored. You're always there to listen to me if I need help and you're always by my side. And of course, you're very pretty, but that's not why I love you. 

And I know, even though you won't admit it because you're a stubborn bitch, that you love me too. You push me away because - don't hate me for this - somethings not quite right at the moment, and you know you won't lose me, so you take it out on me. That sound right? I don't know, maybe I'm dumb. 

But I want to be there for more than just for you to take it out on me. You can still do that if it helps, but ultimately it's not gonna solve anything. I want the behind-the-scenes, not just the arguments beforehand. I want to support you from backstage as well. I love you, George. I love you so much."

 He giggled from the other end of the phone. It was the first time I had heard that in a long time. It made me smile.

"You know you could have told me this 3 years ago and I wouldn't have rejected you right?" He choked out, between his laughs.

"You're such an idiot," I said, wheezing as I spoke. "But that's why I love you."

WORD COUNT: 1117

Don't be scared of the fluff - enjoy it while it lasts!

Anyways - I think we're almost at 20 reads, YAY!

I love you and I appreciate you - if you're reading this fanfic you may need someone to talk to rn. My DM's are open ALWAYS.

VOTE owo