Already Gone

7

george

I ended the call soon after.

I turned over my pillow - unconsciously looking for a warm side. The house had become cold ever since paying the bills became more than just a compulsory task. Since it was deep into winter, the days were shivery and the nights were numb. To add on top of that, I was physically deteriorating as well as mentally.

I had my headphones in, trying my very best to process all of the happenings from today. It was all too much.

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Out Of My League - Fitz and the Tantrums ───────────────⚪─────────────────── ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀

1:17 / 3:48 ⠀ ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙ ❐ ⊏⊐

I was happy Dream confessed to me. I was happy.

He was perfect, he was supportive, he was loving.

I wanted this.

He wanted me.

For now.

What would happen when he realized that it wasn't just a bit of getting fed up easily, but that I was giving up. That it wasn't a question of why, it was a question of when. That each day felt like more and more of a drag, and that the thing that I thought would solve it left me feeling almost as empty.

The realization that something felt off had hit me, that I knew I could never be who I used to be, even for Dream.

Maybe I just didn't want to be who I used to be.

But I had to try, and Dream said he wanted to be there 'behind the scenes', so this time, that was what he was getting.

Even though it had been only around two hours since we had last spoken, and it was probably around 6 pm for him now, I dialed his number, not bothering with the FaceTime conversation this time.

Not to my surprise, he picked up immediately. He always did.

"George?" He asked, sounding drowsy.

"Hi," I said bluntly, "I needed to talk and you said you wanted to be there, so I thought I'd call. I can go if you want me to, I know you were asleep."

"Hey, hey, no it's okay, I meant what I said and I'm so glad you called Georgie."

He sounded sweet. To sweet. I felt bad for making him think I was worth his time at all.

"What's up? Wanna FaceTime?" He said.

"What's the point?" I replied, drably, not even bothering to make an effort. Why would he ask that, when he knew he wasn't gonna show his face.

"So I can see your beautiful face. I miss it." He said, ironically since I didn't even know what he looked like.

"Dream, really? Your such a hypocrite." He falls silent on the other end of the line. I couldn't care less. I wanted to feel something.

He stayed quiet, making me feel something that I didn't remember existed. Guilt leaked into my veins, circulating throughout me. But I pushed it down.

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Never Satisfied - CORPSE ───────────────⚪─────────────────── ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀