Already Gone

12

dream

I stirred from my sleep at around two o'clock, which broke out of line from my usual sleep schedule.

I woke up tangled up in my comforter, worrying about George.

It was strange to me at first, since I had never really woken up in the night stressed, but something about our conversation earlier unsettled me more that a little.

Distance had always been difficult for us, whether our relationship was platonic or romantic, but it'd never been something that I'd lost sleep about. I hadn't woken up worrying about something in years, actually, which added to the abnormality.

What was really bothering me was the uncertainty of whether I'd wake up to be able to speak to the person I was in love with again.

Whilst anxiously biting my nails, my mind was spiralling out of control. I hadn't felt this way in so long, I forgot that I could feel this way.

The idea that I could lose George without even meeting him in person was heartbreaking. The idea that everyone could lose George overnight and the only two people that could have saved him were me and Sapnap was worse.

The feeling was crushing.

My thoughts swerved going deeper into that turmoil, and changed direction to thinking about how George felt.

He was probably asleep right now, lost in a dream, preparing himself for another day of pain. Or maybe he was more than asleep.

That was the thought that pushed me over the edge, making me grab my phone from my bedside table, and immediately dial his number.

It rung about eight times, each ring causing the pounding in my heart to fasten.

He finally picked up.

"George! Are you okay?" I spat out, desperate to hear his voice, alive.

"What do you want? Dream what do you mean? It's like seven in the morning. I was asleep." His voice was muffled, it sounded like he had a cold.

"Sorry, yeah. Just was checking in." I replied, realising that I had just sprung a call on him in the middle of the night.

"Of course I'm fine. As I said I was asleep. Are you good? What is going on?"

"Sorry, I- I just I woke up, and I was like, I was worried, I was like scared that- that you wouldn't be there. You know, like, be there when I woke up." My words were coming straight from my brain, all jumbled up, not like they usually were.

"Dream, take a deep breath. You called me because you thought I wouldn't be alive when you woke up? Dream I'm fine, trust me. I'm fine." He said. I don't know how it immediately turned into him comforting me, but I did know that it wasn't my intention.

I was supposed to be there to help him?

"Yeah, kind of. I'm sorry, I'll go, go back to sleep George. Goodnight." I ended the conversations swiftly.

At least he was still there, but he hadn't given me what I wanted. Reassurance.

"Um, okay. Sorry for disturbing your thought's I guess." He hung up.

These days it was rare for me to be the one who ended the call.

Slapping my phone down on my bed, I laid flat on my back and realised how selfish I had just been.

If George thought I was struggling too, he'd feel like he had to make me feel better, and then crack under the pressure of carrying the two of us. I couldn't let that happen, I needed to be more careful.