We met 7 years ago
2 years later i’d meet you again and for the next 4 years i’d see you every day
over those years we grew closer and closer but the closer we became
the further distance we kept from each other
the further we would stand away from each other
the further you would stay away from me
you would grasp my shoulders
put your hand on my back and then touch my chin and look into my eyes
and look so deeply into them to show me the stars
to manipulate me
like the stars I would stick on my ceiling as a child that made me feel like
everything would be right with the world and you knew
that’s what I always wanted
And as i looked into the stars your grip would tighten and you would whisper
in a way that made me unsure whether i would have bruises on my shoulders or not
Apologize…
I did
every time
i’m sorry I said that you weren’t first on my mind
and second in my heart
im sorry i said hello wrong
that i mean nothing to you
im sorry you thought i loved you and as much as i tried to explain
that you were like a brother the more you would try to play with my head
and change my mind
when you put your hand on my back and
then pulled me into a hug and said “i missed you” and
then dismissed me to say goodbye
i’m sorry you thought i was beautiful
but was ashamed to admit to it to anyone other me
i cared a little too much
and you called, angry
“you’re irritating, leave me alone, whatever, i hate you”
you were too preoccupied by your own problems and feeling bad over the girl who broke your heart
are distracted
by the girl you say who’s best quality is to know what she’s talking about
but she is mentally incapable of telling fact from fiction
whether we are humans or robots or whether the world is concrete or imaginary
living in an imaginary world when my world was no where to be found because you
yes
you
had taken it over and
slowly tipped it
telling me to stay in place so
i got a little bit colder every day
im sorry that i had to shiver and break the ice
i won’t get up and say hello anymore because i will not have my shoulders bruised and my eyes
looking into the stars no matter how wonderful of an experience it was to do so
And i will not have my chin touched or
back pressed tilting up when in reality i was not below you
you were below me
I will not apologize for being there for you
or for taking your words and discarding them
so you wouldn’t hurt yourself
For giving up games of truth or dare
and spending birthday parties finding you because you tried to run away again
You tried to run away again
but no matter how fast you run or how far you go you will never become airy enough to escape
the problems you have and cause are heavier than your mass and they would poison the air and
reach others
telling them they’re beautiful and hold their shoulders, tilt their heads up and hold their back and make them see the stars in your eyes that they stick to their ceilings because all they want is to know something is right with the world
and then
you dismiss them
I will not apologize for knowing fact from fiction
and knowing you would pass by earlier than me
and carrying around my personal preservation of you or
you
yourself
would be devoured from the insides
Though i still have the stars in my eyes and feel your grip on my shoulders and your hand on my back,
i will not apologize to anyone for staying with you until
i have to say goodbye
