it'll start when your mother says ,
"you'd better not gain more weight if you want to look good in that dress"
it'll start when your father says
"baby, you're not a small girl"
it'll progress
when that boy you thought also thought so highly of you goes out of his way to brutally prove
you're nothing but a sack of gross flesh and skin
something to bruise, a toy just for him
he'll say what he's been thinking when you fight one day
throw you across the room
show your his game to play
he push your shoulders back, send you
falling over the desk
hitting your head, your soul becoming undressed
under duress
you're the best
pawn, pawned, hoped to be gone, he grabs you by the flab of your arm and wiggles it slow
145 pounds
the day starts normally
you pick up you're XXL shirt and size 8 pants uniformly
walk to the bathroom and stare, whereas normally
you be in and out in a minute or two
your reflection cements your feet to the floor and it steals you
you begin to notice
you're eyes deep in focus
your chin looks too wide
your cheeks too pudgy
your arms arent muscled, they're homely
theres not a bone to be seen
even your skinned-over teeth
theres hair on you arms and face
you start to pin point your 'problem areas'
you're twelve years old worrying about the size of your aureolas
your tummy spills over the front of your jeans
the jeans that were fit for the legs of a beast
you grab your phone and look up the word "obese"
the only thing you read is your name
before you know it
you're avoiding mirrors like the plague
going to the gym for 5 hours a day
you tell yourself you're just 5 pounds away
that number increasing with every step that you take
running
every day that you face
every tongue is poison laced
every remark that you hear sends flood down your face
when you're alone
you don't just listen, but understand what your step mother would say
when she was happy every time you'd leave
