Dirty Little Secrets

Chapter 3

   Later that night, I woke up in Cara's guest room because I heard a noise outside. I walked to window to find my friend, Jason, outside. He was the only friend I had since that night. I never talked to him, and he was okay with it. He did most of the talking, and I just wrote down or texted him what I wanted to say.

"Amy!" he yelled. I quickly pulled out my phone so I could tell him to keep his voice down. "Can I come up?"

   I nodded then ran downstairs to let him in. He pulled me in for a hug, like he usually does when I stay at Cara's after a beating. He went up to my room while I went into her room to tell her Jason was here. She was always okay with staying here because he is the only friend stuck around after that night.

"Hey. You okay?" he wrapped his arms around my waist. "What happened that you had to come here?"

   I pulled out my phone, and started to type why I had to go to Cara's for the night. About halfway through the message, I put my phone away. I decided that it was time I spoke to him about my problems instead of writing them down or texting him.

"My parents found out I'm cutting. They went in my room the other day, and found my razor. They pulled me downstairs, and asked what it was about. They think the cuts and bruises they already give me are more than enough, but they think that I think that it's not enough," tears filled my eyes. "Then Andrea came downstairs, and told my parents that she knew why I was cutting. She tried to get me to spill my secret. I tried to shut her up by tackling her to the ground. My parents pulled me off her, and slapped me. Then I stopped by the store to get a Monster, and I almost got raped."

"That sucks. You're not safe anywhere. Not at school, not at home, and definitely not when you're out by yourself."

"You should've heard what Andrea said to me," I whispered.

"How bad was it?"

"She asked what I did to get in trouble, and I stuck my middle finger up at her. Then she said she hoped my parents made me sleep outside again because she wouldn't be the one to get raped."

"Amy, what happened that night? The night you became really depressed and started cutting?"

   My head shot up to meet his eyes. That night was a very sensitive subject so everybody made it a no-go zone. Andrea was the only one to keep bringing it up.

   When I returned to school, I stopped talking to everyone. I wrote my friends a note, telling them I couldn't be friends with them anymore. Andrea, however, stayed friends with them. When I wouldn't speak in school, she told everybody I had a depressing incident, and I hadn't spoken to anyone since the incident. When I wouldn't speak to my parents, she told them I had a really bad day, and I wouldn't speak to anyone all day.

   When the incident occurred, my sister always stood up for me. When I hadn't spoken for two months straight, my parents started abusing me, and she stopped standing up for me. That was when I, literally, became the black sheep of the family. Ever since, I stopped dressing the same way Andrea did, and started wearing black and dark grey.

"It's a no-go zone."

"Amy, please tell me."

"Jason, I can't. It hurts just to think about it."

"You have to talk about it at some point. So why not start now?"

"I don't know. Maybe someday, I'll accept that it wasn't my fault. But for right now, I'll keep it bottled up 'til Mom and Dad stop abusing me or I reach my breaking point. I was only six when it happened. I didn't know if it was my fault or not."

"I hope you reach your breaking point soon. You can't keep living your life like this. Cara's been raising you since your parents started hitting you, and Andrea abandoned you."

"Alex just never cared. Yeah, he was there. Yeah, he made sure I was okay. But he never cared that I had a hard time accepting it. He just blocked me out, and pretended I never existed. He thought it was easier to forget he had another sister than to forget that I got involved in a certain situation."

"I never liked him. Andrea was hot up until she started throwing you under the bus, and pushing you around," I frowned. "You're hotter than she is. You know you are. You're also more my type."

"What? Did you just say I'm hot?"

"Yeah. You're extremely hot, Amy. How you've never had a boyfriend, I'll never know," he stretched.

   I know why I never had a boyfriend before. Jason always thought no one wanted to go out with me. A couple guys have asked me out when I started middle school, but I rejected them because I was always afraid to be alone with them. I would have went out with them if someone would have gone with us, but Jason says I need to learn to get used to being alone with other people. I would have a major panic attack if I was left alone with a boy.

"Are you asking me out, Jason?"

"Yeah. If you want to. I would understand if you don't because we've been friends for so long, and it would be awkward if we went out."

"That's not why. I would, Jason, but you wouldn't understand why we can't."

"Amy, I would never push you to do anything you don't wanna do. Just say when."

"Amy, it's been long enough. You need companionship fro someone other than me," I heard Cara say. "I'm just glad you're speaking to someone other than me."

"Cara, I can't. You know I can't. I don't want a repeat."

"You were six. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for it to happen. Yeah, it happened to you, but it wasn't your fault. If you wanna go out with him, go out with him."

"But what if I can't? I don't want it to happen again."

"I won't push you to do anything you don't want to do, Amy," he took my hand. "Please? Just trust me. Just give me one chance?"

"Come on, Ames. You know you want to," Cara jokingly pushed me.

   I thought about it for a few minutes. Maybe Jason wasn't the type of guy to push a girl into doing something she wouldn't wanna do. All I do know is I've had a thing for Jason for years, and I definitely want to go out with him.