Not a fan

Part 16

TW: MENTION OF SUICIDE! PLEASE DONT READ IF SENSITIVE!!!!!!

Y/n POV

Today is the day that James and Larray go to LA. I have a lot of mixed emotions like I'm happy for them cuz they are going to pursue there YouTube careers and shit but then I'm sad that I can't go with them. They have been my best friends through everything. My first heartbreak. First period. First love. First boyfriend. First kiss. First party. First time being drunk. First time smoking. First everything. They have been there through every single little thing and I'm going to miss them with everything I have.

Anyways I just got out of the shower so I put on

They couldn't spend a night with me one last time because they had to pack and shit so I went to go to pick them both up. I didn't tell the group because I wanted it to just be me and Larray and James. Also I told them I was busy today so I couldn't hang out.

C: can I come say bye to them
I took my hand off the door knob rolling my eyes looking at Cassandra.
You: Cassandra just stop bro! My friends aren't your friends get that through your fucking head!
I yelled at her, she looked down and her ugly ass friends were shocked.

Mom: y/n! What's going on with you!
My mom looked at me disappointed, I don't give a fuck anymore.
You: I'm done! I'm done trying to please you! I hear you all the time saying "I'm so proud of you Cassandra" where the fuck is my speech about how proud you are of me! I have to live the rest of my life without dad and Brandon! Cassandra just has to live without Brandon! When was the last fucking time you told me you were proud of me! When was the last time you told me that you loved me! huh mom?! I haven't heard that since I came back from rehab and you still have never told me you were proud that I beat drugs! I HATE THIS FAMILY! I HATE YOU I HATE CASSANDRA AND I HATE DAD AND BRANDON FOR LEAVING ME HERE!
I saw my mom and Cassandra in tears. Welcome to my pain now huh!

I walked out the door slamming it as hard as I could. I had no tears at all honestly I think that I can't cry anymore. I drove all the way to there houses then to the airport. We were jamming to our favorite music and dancing with eachother until the final moments.

Airport: please flight to LA board now

You: please don't leave me!
I cried into both of there arms. We all did a tight group hug.

J: babe I don't wanna leave either but I have to, I'll ft you everyday ok.....my god y/n I'm so proud of you and how far you came through everything
I cried more into James arms.

L: I love you so much ok and I'm so proud of how far you came and no matter what happens me and James will be here ok
I nodded my head sniffing.

You: one last hug
I smiled opening my arms. We all had one last group hug.

We said I love you to eachother before I saw them both walk to the board line. They both waved to me then went into the plane. My smile went down to a frown and tears came down over and over again. I picked up my head walking slowly to my car.

Next thing I know my car was speeding.

I can't do this anymore.

What's wrong with me?

I miss you so much dad and Brandon.

What would happen if I just died right here?

Would anyone miss me?

Would they cry for me?

Would it hurt?

BOOM!

Blood drops.

Police sirens.

Ambulances calling my name.

Cries from my mom and sister.

Cries from Kairi.

Cries from Mattia.

Cries from Alejandro.

Cries from Alvaro.

Cries from Roshuan.

Cries from Robert.

Doctors saying I won't make it.

Doctors telling my family I had a 5% chance of living.

Am I dead?

Am I alive?

I killed myself........right?

A: please whatever is going on in your life just keep fighting. People love you. Remember that. If your mom or dad don't say they are proud of you then I'll say it.
I'm proud of you.