Unscripted love

27. Escape Me...

Demet

At night give advice.

My night was filled with insomnia long before the pain woke up. I couldn't stop thinking about Can. The way he left, the way he left me alone after taking such good care of me yesterday.

I know that I have only what I deserve. What was I hoping for? That at the slightest little problem, that at the slightest little alert he would turn up and everything would be forgotten? That he would fall into the arms of a love-struck man? That everything would remain behind us?

No. Can isn't like that.

I pushed him away so hard after opening my arms and my heart to him. What could I expect? He has suffered and must certainly still be suffering but he is not ready to do anything, his pride has taken a blow.

Am I sure of what I want? Isn't it still a whim on my part to want me in his arms? To feel the comfort and security of his body in the face of the harshness of the world around us? To feel cuddled, loved against all odds because I'm feeling a little down in my spirits? And when everything gets better? When I will still have this access of freedom that will want to sweep everything in its path? I can't risk compromising everything again, losing everything. Today, in spite of everything that has happened, we manage to be friends, we see each other every day even if there are complicated moments. If ever a new chapter opens between us and a new setback occurs, I believe that we won't even be able to work together anymore.

I couldn't help but call Beste. She's my lifeline. Yet with Can, she is not necessarily the person I would want to call first, she has too often a tendency to take his side. They get along very well, she knew right away that we were "so compatible" as she tells me so often.

Her best friend side still took over and she came over in the middle of the night to cheer me up. Her support is indispensable to me. She maintains her initial opinion and doesn't understand how I can still, today, push Can away with all my strength.

"My darling, I know that you are afraid, but Can...honestly! You are so annoying! He called me yesterday, he told me, he was worried, so considerate on the phone...I really don't understand you...I would give a lot to have a man like him by my side! "

I know she's right but...I can't go back.

After big tears and a hug she finally left in the early morning.

My brother, sister and mother called me very early to check in and the time seems distracted as I wait for Can.

I make some tea, walk to the window and enjoy the fresh air for a while when I hear the front door open. I am startled and catch myself in-extremis against a ledge.

It's Can. My arms are loaded. Food, magazines, DVDs. It's barely nine o'clock, what punctuality.

"Hello!"

"Can! You...you have the keys?"

"Yes, your brother gave them to me yesterday..."

"Oh...ok."

Of course, I didn't know about it...

I don't understand anything anymore. My brother, who was himself skeptical about my relationship with Can, gave him the keys to my flat!

I don't want to make a face at Can when he's so considerate but I don't like the idea that he has my keys...

"Sleep well?"

I don't want to imply that I didn't sleep well because he left me alone so I pretend to be indifferent.

"Yes...it's all right."