Unscripted love

29. Staying In Control Part2/2

November 2018

Can

My anchor, my family.

I just spent my only day off with my dad, my mum and my dad's best friend, Ibrahim. I really needed it after the last few days of shooting. It's my only day off in the middle of a whirlwind of work. The past few weeks have been far from easy in many ways. A lot of work and a crazy rhythm to manage to complete the numerous scenes necessary for an episode, and especially, especially... my strained relationship with Demet.

My mother is well aware that something is wrong. I'm brooding like a caged lion, struggling to contain my anger. She tries to get me to talk through the back door, she knows very well that I don't like to open up on these very personal subjects. She knows that there was something there and that there isn't anymore.

I like her tender and reassuring look at things in life. With her philosophy, there is hope for everything. She uses devious means to make me understand that I must keep my faith, that life sometimes holds beautiful surprises. She has always fought to make patience one of my qualities...she hasn't really won the battle so far.

Her metaphors and comparisons to get me to agree to look at things from a different perspective, to let it come instead of chasing after what I want.

"We don't always have all the ins and outs to understand the why of a situation...let time bring you the answers my darling".

At the moment I don't have enough reason to listen to her but when I look back on it she is never far from the truth...

My father and my uncle are quite different...I have an amused smile when I think of their...very...masculine advice. According to them, I'm far too young and full of promise to waste my time with feminine trivia. You can see that they don't know my Demet...

When I tell them that at the same age they were married and fathers, they hide behind the barriers of another era...in short, it all ends up in a nice generation conflict...

I must admit that in terms of human relations I quickly feel overwhelmed when things don't turn out the way I want. My parents are divorced, but their divorce was surprisingly more successful than their marriage. I was built like that, in the middle of a separated but united and above all...loving family.

Blood ties have always been important, those of the heart essential. I'm an undying believer. I have always had the same friends, those you can only count on the fingers of one hand, those for whom you would bury a corpse.

And love. The soul mate. The one you only meet once in your life.

Until I met Dem, I was a fickle man. Flirtations, good times, laughs, lots of fun, but no strings attached, never. Freedom was my only motive. People often think of me as a heartbreaker who doesn't value love. This is completely false.

And today I am the first to laugh at myself!

Caught in my own trap.

Since our fight, we have come a long way. I stopped trying to find out the reasons for her rejection, only to find out inadvertently, leaving my ears hanging out...

I wanted so much for her to admit it to me...

I gave her space, I gave her time, I was there, occupying the field. It's not enough, I guess. None of my actions were a good solution...

Lying in my bed, the setting sun filtering its light through the blinds, I feel completely lost. With my hands behind my head, torn between conflicting emotions, I let a smile of contentment invade my face as I focus on the brief moments of complicity we shared...