Unscripted love

16. Confessions

Can

The kitchen is filling up with appetizing smells. I am making an omelette and Demet is helping me, cutting cucumbers. We smile at each other between each gesture, glaring at each other in secret. The coffee has finished flowing, now all we have to do is sit at the table. Then we settle down on the floor, like an improvised picnic on the cushions.

I'm always looking for something sensational to make me feel good, alive and free, I savor it. I feel fulfilled. I'm with her, alone, and nothing is planned, everything is improvised. In less than twenty-four hours the perception of our relationship has changed.

I went from "in a relationship with someone" to "single".

Demet went from "in a couple" to "single".

At this point, we both still don't know what we are to each other very well.

Not a couple yet?

No longer just friends...

The episode of our awakening still gives me shivers. Any normally constituted man would look at me with horrified eyes at having pushed Demet away. I still wonder how I did it. But I don't regret it.

I'm in love with her and I realize I've never felt that way about anyone. It's a powerful feeling that sweeps everything in his path. With her I want more than sex, I want to possess her body and soul. I want us to be connected, I've never needed to be with a person so much. That's what makes all the difference.

I missed out on a nice diplomatic crisis, but my talents as a lawyer got me out of there successfully.

Flashback...

"Demet, Demet...wait..."

She doesn't seem to be able to hear, continuing to twist herself over me and pass her tongue from my neck to my lips. Eventually I reluctantly straighten up.

"Demet..."

I let out a long sigh of frustration.

Her eyes fogged with desire she finally looked at me and stopped all further attempts. With red lips, her hair still in a mess, she's the most beautiful woman I've ever had in my bed.

"Can...but...why?"

"Demet...I don't want..."

As usual she doesn't give me time to finish.

"You're not interested, is that it? Oh but I'm sorry, I know you have a girlfriend...oh my god I'm ashamed..."

I could burst out laughing as this prospect seems impossible to me. What man could resist her? But I can see that for her there is no time to laugh...so I go on...before it's too late. I feel that she's embarrassed and doesn't even dare to look me in the eye anymore. So I gently take her face in my hands and force her to look at me.

"Demet... I broke up with Deniz last night. At last...she left me seeing what is obvious from the beginning, I am interested in another one... I don't think there is a man on this planet who can say no to you. I'm no exception. But you, me, I want more than sex, you understand? I don't want to do this with you on a whim, I want to share much more...and I know that I have to wait for that. You can't build anything stable without foundations..."

Her embarrassed smile disappeared, giving way to an incredulous look. She didn't expect it and looks at me with her mouth open.

"I've never met anyone like you Demet, you're beautiful but you're so much more than that...your good mood, your spirit, your communicative joy, the way you see the good in everything, the way you look at me...I want to know everything about you...."