Walking on Broken Glass

-Chapter 10- How did I let it get this bad?

                I took a drag from the cigarette, a bad habit I had taken up in the last few months. The April air was warmer outside than I had expected. I had stopped going to school after the day Aryanna tried to fight me. Camilla was right when she promised that I would wish I were dead after this. She made sure everyone in the pack shunned me; even all of the humans avoided me. Not going to school meant that I was kicked off of the cheerleading team. And with the open spot, the blonde from the party took it, replacing me as captain on the squad. I later learned that her name was Hannah Barker, an alpha’s daughter from California. She was only here while her pack finished their rogue war.

                I told Melody to go home, to apologize to her father and to leave me alone. I know it was harsh, but I was sick of having her around. She always needed something and was always near me. For Christ’s sake, I’m seventeen; I’m too young to be a mother! She told me that she couldn’t leave, that it something bad would happen if she did. I scoffed at her and told her that if she didn’t get off of my property then I was going to call the police. She left; I haven’t heard from her in a few weeks.

                I guess Hannah and Emery are a couple now. I took another drag and slowly felt the pang of hurt rise In my chest at the thought of Emery with another woman. I was sitting on the house roof, thinking about my life. The pack link had been too hard to hold back, so I heard their opinions of me often. I still received dead crows, mostly on the front porch or in the driveway, but then I would look away and they would be gone.

‘You’re worthless, you know that?’ I thought to myself. ‘You’re a disgrace to your father’s name and a disgrace to this pack.’ I hated it when I was in one of these moods, but they happened a lot lately. I could feel my fingers beginning to ache so I put out my cigarette and threw it off the roof. I slipped back inside my little window and walked straight into my bathroom, locking the door. I sat in my bathtub, running my fingers along the brick wall. I found the loose one and pulled it out, small sand pebbles dropping into the tub. I reached inside my little hiding hole and pulled out the shaving razors that I had taken apart with a butter knife. I slid down my pants and looked at the damage I had already done on my hips. My scars were slowly sliding down my thighs. I felt the cool metal between my fingers as I held one of the razors in my hand.

‘You’re such a slut!’

‘Why do you even breathe?’ I heard voices through the pack link. Tears fell down my face as I listened to them.

‘What you did is horrible!’

‘You’re just trash.’

‘Hey look, it’s the new pack whore’

                I eventually just stopped asking them to stop and just let them call me names; what’s the point.

‘You’re worthless; everyone tells you it so it must be true.’ I thought to myself. My shaky fingers twitched as the razor sliced across my skin. I winced as I watched the blood bubble from the wound.

“Worthless.” I told myself as I cut another line deeper on my hip.