The Mafia's One Desire

chapter 3: platonic

Sofia Milan Romano

I say nothing as Alessandro sits next to me, but my heart lightens as his leather and Damascus rose scent. I can feel his eyes on my face, but I'm so used to it now that I don't even mind. From time to time -- more like every chance I get -- I even find myself staring at him. 

My eyes, body, mind, soul, my whole being, just can't help but feel something for him. He has been there for me for so long, even hidden in the shadows, I can't remember a time when he wasn't there. After everything that's happened, all that I've gone through, I don't know how he's still beside me.

I know that he has protected me since I was six. Some things my father hides from me, but this was not one of them. My father knew that I deserved to know that a man was watching over me, my guardian angel. I thought Alessandro would be annoyed with me by now, but he continues to want to spend time with me. 

My friends left, my family grew almost distant, after the rape. No one was there to fight for me, help me through the rollercoaster of emotions, besides Alessandro. Even though they hadn't officially met, his lingering presence was always welcome. And he is always around...even on my worst days...even on his worst days.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Let's head outside, amore."
[love - this will continue to show up]

I blush at the nickname he has given me, one that he's used for what feels like years but I continue to love it, and I take his large hand. The heat from his hand settles my soul as he tugs me closer to his body. I can feel his body and my own hums in approval as I snuggle into his side while they continue into the sunlight of the warm afternoon. 

I can see him staring at me while I trace light touches along the tattoos on his arm. I have been doing that more often, and I don't know why, but he's been more than glad that I'm comfortable with his touch.

I'm not okay with much of anyone else because of what happened, but he doesn't make me feel uncomfortable about it. He's gentle with me, which is what I need most, but he doesn't show that side to anyone else besides maybe his family. It's good to know that I'm okay with someone, anyone, touching me. 

I know that Alessandro would not appreciate another male being able to touch me the way he does. We sit together, still in each other's arms, but it's different than normal. The platonic ways of the relationship between us are changing into something new, something utterly wonderful.

"What would you like to talk about first?"

"Why do you want to marry me?"

He takes longer than I expected him to answer. He has been open with her from the beginning and hopes that he continues to be. If we are really going to get married, though I don't exactly want to, I don't want him to lie to me.

"Sandro? Is something wrong?"

"There are many ways to answer the 'why I want to marry you' question. I don't know what I should answer with."

"Is it a bad reason you think or am I going to understand?"

"Another good question I don't know how to answer."

I snort, leaning my head against Alessandro's shoulder. We sit silently for a minute, neither of us knowing what to say. I don't fully understand why he's having trouble answering the question, but I also know it's complicated. I know that even knowing him is a risk to my life and others, yet I can't bear to leave him. 

Four hours separated from him, and I feel lonely. I know that he has the best of intentions, and I will always trust him, inexplicably. He has never given me a reason to doubt him, and he proves every day that he is trustworthy.

"How about I tell you why I think you're marrying me, and then you can tell me if I'm wrong?"

"Sounds like a good plan."

"Because you want to have control over me."

"No."

"You want some satisfaction from taking me away from my father."

"I hadn't thought about that but yes. Now that you've said it."

"You want to protect me."

"Yes, without hesitation."

"That's all I've got. Anything else?"

I pray and plead in my head for him to say no. Let him continue. Let him state his desire for me. Let him tell me that he's fallen in love with me. I sigh in sadness as he says nothing more, but I don't try to look disappointed. That would just give me away. 

What I don't want to have to do is confess my own feelings. I'm too much of a scaredy-cat for that. Plus, I had a feeling that if he did have feelings for me, he would want to say something first. He just seems like that kind of person, plus he's way braver than me.

"I understand why now, but you didn't even ask me. You went directly to my father. You could have asked me if it was something I would be okay with doing, and I might be more okay with this. I don't need my father's permission to decide what I want to do with my life. I know that after Lucci everyone thinks I'm this fragile little thing, and in certain situations I am, but I am still a human being who deserves respect and not to be victimized."

"I don't want you to feel that way, and I apologize for upsetting you. We all want to protect you from something else that could happen."

"I don't want to marry you just because you want to protect me. I don't want to marry you for your ultimate plan of hiding me away from the horrors that you put yourself through every day. If I were to marry anyone at all, it will be out of love. I'm not going to marry anyone for any reasons besides that. You have been doing a pretty good job of protecting me without us being married."

"Is there a way we could compromise about this? You don't want to get married, but would you be willing to acquiesce to something?"

"What were you thinking?"

"Being engaged?"

"No. That's only one step behind marriage. How about we date?"

"I can agree to that."

I have been wanting to go on a date with Alessandro for quite some time, just to try it. Why not take advantage of the opportunity present right to me? I might never get it again. This can gauge if he's into me, more romantically, or if he thinks our relationship is platonic. It will show me if he's someone I would even want to have a non-platonic relationship with. 

And he'll get some of the benefits of protection he was hoping for. I'm not particularly happy with his overprotective nature, but he has the best of intentions. That I know. As Larry David said, 'a good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied', and I can't say I'm entirely satisfied with where this is going.