Handcuffs And Kisses (Series #1)

Chapter 20

Lilian Carson POV

*Flashback* 

"What is the matter, my dear?" Asked mommy. My eyes became blurry because of all those tears rolling down my cheeks. Her brown, concerned-looking eyes stare into mine, and her black strands of hair fall onto her forehead. I can barely speak as I try to explain the pain and hurt that I can't understand. Mommy wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a warm and comforting embrace. She gently brushes the tears from my face and whispers reassuring words, assuring me that she will always be there for me. In that moment, I realized that I was safe in her arms.

"Everyone hates me, right, mommy? Nobody talks to me at school," I said while sobbing loudly. My mom put her arms around me in a protective way.

She looked into my eyes with love and understanding. "Oh, sweetheart, that's not true," she said softly. "You are such a kind and beautiful soul, and sometimes people just don't see that right away. But I promise you, there are people out there who will appreciate and love you for who you are. And no matter what, I will always be here to support and love you unconditionally." Her words calmed my racing heart, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a glimmer of hope.

"What happened to Axel, Jax, and Gia?" Aren't they your friends?" I asked Mom with a warm smile.

I lied to mom about making new friends; they are actually my bullies, not friends. How can I tell her that I am useless? I can't even make one friend, and people hate me.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled to find the right words to respond to my mom's innocent question. I wanted to open up to her and let her in on the torment I endured on a daily basis, but the fear of disappointing her held me back. I mustered a weak smile, masking the pain that consumed me, and replied, "Oh, they're just busy with their own stuff, Mom. We've kind of drifted apart." Deep down, I knew it was a lie, but admitting the truth seemed impossible in that moment.

They are all bad; Jax even tried to force himself on me. I cried in the library every day. I felt trapped in a cycle of isolation and fear, desperately longing for someone to understand my pain. Jax's twin brother, Jace, tried to help me out, but he was always overshadowed by Jax's manipulative behavior. Despite his efforts, I couldn't fully trust anyone anymore. The fear of betrayal and the weight of my secret kept me locked in my own world, yearning for a way out.

"Do you want to say something else? You can tell me anything. I am also your friend," Mom replied. Her words offered a glimmer of hope, but the walls I had built around myself were difficult to tear down.

"No, I am fine," I said, looking down. I forgot how to make eye contact with people; it made me afraid, and my anxiety increased more. 'I am fine' is just a cursed sentence. Most of the time, when someone says, 'I am fine,' they are actually not fine.

"If you want to say anything, you can always share it with me. I'll always be there for you," Mom said gently, reaching out to touch my hand. Her words felt like a lifeline, a reminder that I didn't have to face my struggles alone. Slowly, the walls started to crumble, and I realized that maybe, just maybe, it was okay to let someone in.

*Flashback ends*

I opened my eyes forcefully, and the word 'mom' left my lips in a choked whisper. The weight of my emotions crashed over me, and tears streamed down my face as I longed for her comforting presence once again.

"Hey! It's just a dream. Get up" Jace pushed me gently, his voice filled with concern. I took a deep breath, wiping away my tears, and forced myself to sit up. As I looked into Jace's eyes, I realized that even though my mom was no longer here, I had someone by my side.