A Different Christmas Vacation

Chapter Twenty-One

Jordan’s POV

She didn’t remember anything. Nothing at all. I already bought the Chicago apartment so I could be closer to her, but all she could remember was that I was a country star. Not that we were dating and that I loved her so very much. But it’s hard to have a relationship when only one of you knows you’re in it, so it must not’ve been meant to be. I’d have to forget Reina.

I’d have to forget Reina.

I slammed the door to my apartment door and collapsed on my bed in a fit of rage.

Guys don’t cry? Yes they do. Not in front of you, but they do. Guys have emotions just like girls, and this girl could make me cry for days. God could she break my heart.

How could she not remember me? The concussion was so bad that she couldn’t remember two weeks? How was I going to live without her? Reina was the love of my life. Already I could see myself marrying her. We’d not been together long, but long enough to know it was true love.

But why should I believe in true love when God believes I can’t have it? I thought I’d been praying hard for a girl like Reina to be with me, to comfort me when I needed her most. But apparently all God thought I needed was two weeks to comfort a girl who didn’t even believe in Him.

Nothing but shit had been in her life for the past few years, and it killed me to see her sad. It was killing me not see her at all. Maybe if I didn’t believe in God, none of this would’ve happened and I could continue on, never knowing Reina. Never living with a huge gash in my newly broken heart.

Somehow, I hoped she wouldn’t remember the past few days so she could forget RaeLynn. It was all her fault, her evil plan to come in my room and shower with me damn naked! How could she not notice Reina in my bed as she walked in the room to the bathroom?

I was hoping Reina wouldn’t remember that, and she obviously didn’t, but she didn’t remember anything that happened between us. And that was enough for me, to know that true love didn’t come easy.

Why did I believe in true love? True love only hurts. Couldn’t God see I’d done enough hurting in my life already? But God only believes in his selfish damn thoughts.

As I pressed my hand to my forehead, my phone rang. I removed my hand from my pounding head and answered the call from Cecelia.

“Hi, Jordan,” she said.

“Hi,” answered somewhat depressingly.

“You sound like shit,” she said. “Did you talk to Reina?”

“Yes, I did.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you guys were meant to be together,” she said.

“I thought so too.”

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ 

I thought about everything for another few days. Was there anyway that I could get Reina to remember me without hurting her? She would wonder about what had happened before she left, but could I tell her honestly? That would hurt so much more than this. To know you’d been in a relationship you weren’t even aware of and then get shut down because you’d pretty much gotten in a fight right before she’d gotten hurt.

And so my decision was made. As the old saying goes: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be. And if it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. It might’ve been on the list on the toughest things in my life I’d had to do so far, but I did love her, so I had to let her go.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ 

On the sixth of January, I flagged a taxi and ordered him to the hospital where Reina was saying. When I came to the doors of the hospital, I took a deep breath and entered with a look of determination on my face.

Heading straight up to the twelfth floor where she was staying, I walked through the hallways thinking about what I was going to say.

When I got to her open door, I took another deep breath and walked in slowly. Reina was sitting up in bed, eating a pancake and talking to her family gathered around the bed.

“Hi, Jordan!” Henry greeted.

“Hey, Henry.”
Cecelia came and stood beside me. She smiled as she watched Reina talk to her siblings as they filled her in on some of the presents she’d gotten for Christmas.

“Do you want a few minutes alone with her?” she asked.

I nodded.

“What are you going to do.”
“Let her go,” I said. “It’s the right thing to do.”
She nodded and clapped her hands a few times. “Alright guys, lets give Jordan and Reina a few minutes alone together, shall we?”
They gathered their belongings and Cecelia began to usher them into the hallway. Once they were all out, she squeezed my shoulder with a weak smile and left, too, shutting the door as she went.

“So I assume you want to talk,” Reina said with a smile as she took another bite of pancake. The syrup drizzled down her chin and she laughed. I took a napkin from her tray and wiped it up carefully.

“Thank you,” she said.

I nodded and sat in one of the chairs beside her silently.

“So what happened between us over winter break?” she asked.

“It was complicated,” I said slowly. “You may only think of me as a country star, but I loved you very much. But you don’t remember anything. And I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already did. This may be confusing, but I can’t explain any more. You’ll have to ask your family. I loved you more than anything, but I have to let you go because I love you.”
“How could you love me? I’m just me. Do you know my past?” she asked quietly, looking down at her clasped hands.

“I know it. The depression, the cutting, the anorexia, the suicide; and I supported you through all of it as you told me. I loved you for being so strong, but we can’t be in a relationship that only one of us knows, so I have to leave. I can’t hurt you anymore.”

For the last time, I leaned over her bedside and kissed her rushed and passionately. She kissed me back as I began to cup her face and she wove her hands through my hair. A few moments later, I finished our kiss and looked into her eyes sadly.

But it was done, I’d done what I needed to do, what so called God called me to do.

I let her go.

And it hurt more than anything.

A/N - Short and sweet as you may say, but it's nothing but sweet. In the next few days, I'll have sequel/spin-off information posted. I've not decided if I'll do it or not, but time will tell. I hope you loved this story and if there is another one, that you'll love that one, too.

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