My Snarky Tutor(Boyxboy)

-Chapter Thirty-One pt 1

(Noah's P.O.V)

I was so tired of everything. Was I ever going to be truly happy? Will I forget all these painful memories? Sure I had my happy moments but why didn't they last? I didn't understand why I had to be unhappy for so long. Did I deserve happiness or not? I really needed to know. I couldn't handle this anymore.

Sitting up on my bed, I felt the need to go downstairs but I couldn't What if my parents were down there? I still couldn't face them...or rather, they didn't want to see me. They already spent a couple of days at their friend's house but I overheard them saying they couldn't run away anymore and deal with it.

I really am an idiot. I should've hid it better or maybe, I shouldn't have dated Dustin at all. Because I couldn't keep my feelings to myself, I ended up blurting out to my dad that I dated Dustin but he dumped me.

After Dustin dumped me, I skipped school for a few days, moping around in my room. One day in the kitchen, my dad asked me what was wrong. I said that it was nothing and just teenager stuff. He asked me if I got dumped and I admitted it. He asked me why I didn't tell him I had a girlfriend and I told him that I couldn't. He then gave me a little speech on how I could tell him anything and stupid me, I believed him. At that moment, I completely forgot how religious my family was. There was no way they could accept that I liked the same sex.

So, when I told my dad that I had a boyfriend, not a girlfriend, he was in shock. When he did finally speak, all he said was ''not in my house,'' and went outside. My mind raced, thinking that I was going to get kicked out. My mom came into the kitchen a few minutes later, finding my tear stained face. She asked me what was wrong but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I just hugged, her, taking advantage at the fact that she didn't know. I knew my dad was going to tell her soon so I cherished the moment when she didn't hate me.

When I overheard my dad tell her, she was in denial and then turned extremely upset. I heard my dad saying that he didn't want that sort of thing under his roof and my mom forbid him from kicking me out. They argued for a while and that was when I decided to stop listening.

I knew that my mom won the fight and forced him to allow me to stay since they didn't kick me out or even mention it to me. But now, both of them are ignoring me.

My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I haven't eaten anything all day. I laid back down and took out a kitchen knife from under my pillow. We had a lot of them so I was sure that my parents wouldn't notice that one of the knives were missing.

I lift up my sleeve, digging the blade into my skin and quickly sliced it. A jolt of pain ran up my arm as I prevented myself to make any noise. The sting was soon gone but I knew it was sting more later on. Usually, I'd cut my thighs or my stomach but yesterday, I ended up cutting my left arm since my right was stronger. I knew that was stupid of me since it was almost summer but I couldn't make the cuts go away so I might as well continue.

I cut my arm a few more times, and I slipped the knife back under my pillow, tears filling my eyes. I still needed to tell Eric about this but I couldn't. This would definitely scare him off. He wouldn't like me anymore and would stop hanging out with me. Either that or he will force himself to stay with me since he didn't want me to be alone. He'd suffer in silence.

What should I do? I really wanted to be with him but...my parents...I'll hurt them. Family is more important than the person you like...right?  So, I have to choose my family over Eric? That may seem like the right thing but I really don't want to.

My pillow were soaked with tears now. I wiped my eyes and looked at my fresh cuts,  They were now bleeding so I got up and went to the bathroom. I ran cold water on them, clenching my jaw trying to ignore the pain. and then dabbed them with tissue paper. The cuts weren't deep so they had stopped bleeding. I flushed the toilet paper down the toilet and rolled down my sleeve. I had considered using a razor but I'd definitely cut an artery or something. I may be in pain and I really couldn't handle it but I didn't want to die. I wanted to before but since I met Eric...I didn't want to anymore.

I made my way downstairs to eat something since I was getting a bit light headed. My heart was pounded out fear when I saw both my parents sitting at the table, eating dinner together. They didn't even look up as I grabbed a plate and dished up. Not wanting to make things more uncomfortable for them, I quickly went back upstairs and ate on my bed.

I wanted to talk to Eric again even though we spoke together at lunch. He wanted to take me out to get my mind off things. After we bantered a little of who should pick the place, I then suggested we go on a picnic. I didn't want Eric to pay for anything and he liked food so it should be okay. He agreed then said that we go to Sadie's house and cook there.

And I already made up my mind to tell him while we were on the picnic. I'll talk to him about random things, tell him again how I felt about him and then quickly mention that I harm myself.

Now that I made up my mind, now all I got to do is prepare myself on how he is going to react. Will he hug me, be angry, confused or act like he doesn't notice for my sake?

I don't know....