In An Ideal World

Chapter Five: You

Amelia's POV

When I awoke I was in bed next to Arizona; what the hell happened? I remembered falling asleep on the couch, not here, not with her, not in this bed. I began to panic, wondering what I did last night but I was calmed down by a voice beside me.

"In the middle of the night you had a nightmare and came in so I helped you get back to sleep" Arizona explained, I still couldn't remember but I believed her. I completely forgot that I was 'angry' at her for a moment and I muttered, "Thank you so much, Ari"

I immediately regretted what I said but I knew I couldn't take it back, so I just grumbled to myself. "Someone's grumpy" Arizona joked as she stretched her arms and yawned, she had obviously just woken up also.

Arizona's stomach grumbled and interrupted the silence and so did mine, "I'm hungry" I groaned and she laughed, nodding because she was hungry also. I sat up in the bed and then stood up, pouting and stomping away from Arizona, out the bedroom door.

"What are you doing?" She called out but I ignored her, throwing my shoes on and just leaving. "Ameliaaa!" I heard her yell but I was on my way to get us breakfast; but just thinking about the fact that she was worrying about where I was going made me chuckle.

I knew she wouldn't follow me because she was in her pyjamas, but I just hoped she wouldn't get too upset. I mean, once she sees all my stuff and my car is still there she should be alright.

As I walked down the stairs of the apartment complex, I thought of what I should get us for breakfast. I debated between muffins, breakfast rolls or scrambled eggs but I ultimately decided on pancakes; because they were Arizona's favourite after all. So, I walked to the local coffee shop and ordered the pancakes, making sure to get maple syrup, Nutella and butter. I liked Nutella but if I remember correctly, Arizona liked butter and maple syrup.

I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone, biting my lip in guilt when I saw that I had several missed calls from Arizona. I decided to just leave my phone back in my pocket though, because I would be back to her apartment soon with food. I'll apologise then and hopefully everything will be okay, as long as it goes according to plan.

"I brought food!" I would announce as I walked in the door and Arizona would come running over, giving me a hug. She would begin to explain how she was worried but was glad that I was okay and I'd apologise, placing the food on the countertop and showing Arizona that I got her favourite. She would thank me and we would eat before I tell her that I'm going to look for a new apartment; that's the plan.

So, I paid the worker and took my bag of goodies, happily bouncing down the sidewalk as I headed back to Arizona's apartment. I think I really just needed a moment alone, just so that I would be in the proper headspace before talking to Arizona, so I wouldn't say anything wrong.

I quickly arrived back at the building and ran up the stairs, knocking on the door of her apartment. I crossed my fingers behind my back in hope that everything would go well and that she wouldn't be too mad and I held my breath, until she opened the door.

"Amelia!" She yelled, jumping into my arms and holding me tightly. I gasped in shock at the sudden hug and then I bit my lip, beginning to feel guilty once again. "I- are you okay?" I asked, pushing her away lightly and smiling reassuringly.

"I thought you left for good again, damn it!" She growled, punching me on the arm. "Owww..." I grumbled, holding up the bag of pancakes that I had bought. "I went for breakfast! Pancakes, actually. They're your favourite, right?" I explained and she smiled a little in response.

"You remembered?" Arizona's smile grew wider as she grabbed my hand, dragging me in the door. "Of course I did, with maple syrup and butter?" I asked and she shook her head. "Not anymore, I like Nutella sorry, but it's fine" Arizona laughed and I quirked up one of my eyebrows.

"Nutella?" I mumbled in confusion and she just nodded, "Mmh, Nutella" She responded, now also confused at why I was making such a fuss. "That's my favourite, you used to hate it" I wondered out loud and she shrugged, "Things change over time, Ames." Despite it only being a small comment, it definitely stung slightly.

I placed the bag on the countertop and got the two plates of pancakes, giving Arizona my Nutella and deciding to just have plain pancakes instead. "Are you sure?" She asked and I just nodded, putting the plates on the table so that both of us could eat.

Arizona grabbed forks for us and placed them on the table also before we both began eating. "I missed you" I sighed and Arizona just stared at me for a moment, thinking about what she should say back.

"Sometimes... sometimes I wondered if you remembered the way we looked at each other or maybe you just... forgot" Arizona smiled with melancholy as she took a bite from her pancake. It still threw me off that she had them with Nutella now, but I just guessed that her tastebuds changed over the years. "I clung onto anything that reminded me of you; wether that be certain snacks, places and even scents" She sighed, not daring to look me in the eye.

"Did you forget? Over time I mean, did you forget about what we had?" Arizona finally asked, looking up and staring into my eyes. Her blue eyes felt as if they were piercing my soul and as the silence continued, I saw a small tear begin to form. I decided that I had to speak up soon if I didn't want to hurt Arizona even more, so I did. "No, I didn't" I responded truthfully, breaking the eye contact by looking out the window. "I never forgot, it just hurt too much to remember; so I tried not to"

"But you're the one who left, if it hurt why didn't you just come back?" She asked and I decided that if I wanted to ever be fully honest with her; now was the time. "I didn't want to leave" I blurted out quickly, biting my bottom lip. Arizona just gave me a confused look as she tilted her head and raised her eyebrow. "I got too attached and I didn't want my bad luck to end up hurting you or something, I wanted you to be safe. So I left."

"You were trying to keep me safe?" Arizona questioned, furrowing her eyebrows to show that she was still confused. I just nodded and took another bite from my pancake, trying to fixate on the plate and forget that she was there for a moment, so I could calm down. "Oh..." I heard her mutter but I didn't see her expression, I was too scared to look.

That's when I heard a buzzing and looked up, noticing that Arizona was now holding her pager in her hands with a tight grip. "I have to go" She frowned and stood up. She walked out the door and I just watched her leave. I knew she would be back soon; but I couldn't help but imagine how Arizona felt when I just got up and left like that. This guilt is becoming overbearing, I'm not sure of what to do with it.