To love a man who's locked

Those forbidden words

I knocked softly on Severus' door. It flung open as Severus sat in the corner twirling his wand on his fingers, a dark green book in his other hand. He let out a sigh 

Rose - Severus? Are you alright?

Severus - Rose, before this relationship moves any further and I want it to believe me, there are some things you need to know

I had never seen him this nervous. He was looking into my eyes intently, he said he wants this to go further, that made my heart skip. 

Rose - Severus, you can tell me

Severus - Okay. When I was a young boy, I felt quite alone I didn't have many friends.I had a group of friends who were solely focused on becoming death eaters. One of the only people I trusted was Lily Evans

I knew that name, that was Harry's mum. He continued 

Severus - Slowly but surely, over all our years at Hogwarts I fell in love with her

He sighed, like he didn't like this part 

Severus - One day in fifth year, we were leaving an exam. I was stressed and I called Lily something I shouldn't have. I called her a mudblood. 

I was taken aback by this, but he continued 

Severus - Lily broke our friendship and my heart. I then became a death eater 

I had to interrupt 

Rose - So you have the...the

He pulled up his left sleeve and there it was. It snaked its way in his arm and I could see how much pain it was causing him

Severus - I became part of Voldemort's inner circle. Until Voldemort decided he needed to kill Harry. I knew Lily would do anything to protect her son and I knew I would die if I tried. So I went to the only wizard I knew that was just as powerful as Voldemort

I had figured it out by now 

Rose - Dumbledore

Severus - Yes. I went to Dumbledore and told him everything, what Voldemort was planning to do and how Dumbledore had to stop him. He asked me what I would give him in return. I told him anything. So I-

Rose - Became a double agent

Severus - Yes, I stupidly gave Dumbledore my word. 

Rose - So how did Lily die?

Severus - They made Peter Pettigrew their secret keeper, of course Peter went to Voldemort and..

Rose - Lily ended up dead

Severus - So now, I teach at Hogwarts and continue to be a double-agent for Dumbledore. The death eaters believe I spy on Dumbledore for them, that is how I can keep being here. 

He paused, I could tell he was holding something back 

Rose - Severus what is it?

Severus - Dumbledore says I must be the one to kill him. Draco has been given the task by the Dark Lord, but in the end it has to be me. 

Rose - Severus, what do you mean?

Severus - Dumbledore knows if Voldemort possesses the Elder Wand he will be unstoppable. That's why he wants Draco to kill Dumbledore, so he can get the wand off Draco. So Dumbledore wants me to kill him, Dumbledore knows that Voldemort won't be able to get the Elder Wand off me and Dumbledore wants Voldemort to trust me. It's the only way we can win this 

I was confused. Thoughts were clouding my mind. I couldn't think straight 

Rose - Severus when is this supposed to be happening? 

Severus - Tomorrow

By the end of tomorrow Dumbledore would be dead. At his own request. 

Severus turned to me, he cupped my hands in his 

Severus - I'm sorry Rose 

Rose - What are you sorry for Severus?

Severus - For this, you didn't want this, your so young. Listen Rose I understand if you just want to leave and not look back I- 

I could see him getting stressed. I had never seen him this vulnerable. I could see his eyes eyes welling up. I needed time to think, but I know this isn't about me. 

Rose - Severus, Stop. 

Now was the time. I had been thinking about this for weeks, it was time to do it 

Rose - Severus, I love you 

He looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears. I pulled him into a hug as he cried into my shoulder 

Severus - I love you too Rose 

I kissed him. Lightly on his cheek at first, then working down until our lips finally met. I felt electricity sparking through my veins, like that first time. We embraced for what felt like forever. 

And I meant what I said, I did love him 

And for some miraculous reason, I think he loved me too.