Dream Trap || ONC 2021

Chapter Five: Past

The grass seemed to grow with strength as if willing to give it's full. The sky was clear, and the day was hot. The sun seemed to be a teacher, No endurance No victory. It's rays teaching and guiding people. It was all matter of principles and discipline in 12th century Japan. But why now? Maybe this was the best time. After all, even thoughts have the capacity to make you sweat and she needed it most in this snow-pit hell.

Lisa could see hard-working farmers and some of younger students plowing the fields. They worked till sun kissed the horizon. In her dreams, she was Lady Lisa. The daughter of a samurai. She was wearing a blue kimono, the traditional Japanese wear, with golden patchwork of lilies. Her hair was tied behind and she was kneeling down, taking some rest. She places her Katana, the Japanese sword, beside her and composed herself. It was time to meditate.

'Not here, Lisa.' came a voice,

She looked around, a sage like figure appeared beside her. He was in a white kimono, with a necklace of wooden beads in his hands. Serenity never felt so much better to Lisa. She locked her eyes with the sage, who simply smiles at her. He looked completely at peace, no fidgeting nor any hesitation. Calmness to its peak.

'Then where?' she asked the old man,

The sage looked at her, you could never tell if he was glaring at you or mocking you or anything. His composure seemed futile and unshakable. Lisa waited and the answer came,

'The art of meditation is not rushed, you must feel the urge of doing it, never let yourself down to your desires as they lead to more.' said the monk.

Lisa raised her eyebrow, the monks always remained cryptic in their answers. It was a belief that, a person will only run for his desires, but they were infinite in number, one desire would lead to another and so a cryptic answer would lead to a lesson with the illusion of desire.

The sage walked out. Lisa got up and strapping her Katana and tanto back, she got out of her house. She walked the dusty road. There were people selling Manju -a wheat flour-based bun with filling at the center, it usually contained meat or sweet red bean paste. They tasted very good.

Then there was a comb-seller, beside that was a person who sold hats and masks. Sake, the Japanese wine, was being sold feverishly. Lisa smiled as she walked past them. They all seemed to enjoy their time. The talking of people was now fading away. She reached at the shore. The beach was empty, she looked at the sea. A sense of relief sat inside her, she loosened up her belt and sat down.

(When you need the urge to meditate.)

She breathed in, the air rushed inside her.

Think about all the stressful things, bad things, thing which pester your mind. Let those thoughts gather in front of your eyes.

Then Lisa breathed out,

With each breathe out, let go all of your thoughts. Concentrating only on the air which went inside you, into your chest. Feel every breath as you take it in.

She breathed in and out, maintaining perfect posture. Her mind stabilized a little. Now, the talks of the people were not an issue, the fact that she sat alone in this beach was not an issue, this was all a dream. But that was not an issue.

Time breezed away, she had meditated for 2 hours. She now opened her eyes, a sense of fulfillment, happiness, and content inside her. She got up.

Walking back to the crowded market, the sky was turning grey, Lisa thought it was probably going to rain. As she walked closer towards the market a sense of darkness and suspicion gripped her. But a samurai must maintain its thoughts, they mustn't waver away. Although her eyebrows were frowning, she kept calm. This dream suddenly seemed to be turning into a nightmare or maybe something more, reality.

Matt woke up. He got up and went and sat near the fire. He looked around for Jack but could go wherever the fuck he wanted.

(You are such a pain in the ass)

He looked into the flames,

Will you marry me?

It was all so quick, 4 months wasn't enough time or was it? Do they really think I am pain in the ass? Does Lisa think that? Matt pondered upon these questions. What he really focused on was the how rushed it all sounded.

4 months ago. Lisa's apartment. Matt put his head on Lisa's inflating belly. He looked at her. They were watching a movie. Lisa caressed Matt's hair gently.

'Oh you should see this scene, it's actually very well done.' said Matt, then looked attentively at the screen.

Lisa stopped caressing Matt's hair. There was scene on the T.V, Dr. Lecter had just pulled off the mask he had carved out to escape.

'Damn that's so very gory. I didn't know Silence of the Lambs would be so terrific.' interjected Matt,

But Lisa spoke nothing. Matt noticed the silence, he looked up. Lisa was thinking something. Her nose was going red, her eyes teared down. She buried her face in her hands. Matt got up.

'What happened baby?' said Matt,

Lisa didn't reply. Matt hugged her. Lisa got up and went inside the washroom. Matt ran towards her.

'What happened?'

Lisa shook her head, she splashed some water on her face. Then dried it with a towel. The whole time Matt knew what was the matter. But it was necessary that she speaks it or else it wouldn't be clear. The matter was Eddie Rawer.

'Maybe we should just sleep. Or I'll sleep you can complete the movie and come.' said Lisa, then hurriedly went inside the bedroom.

Matt ran behind her. He opened the bedroom to find Lisa still crying. She wouldn't speak it, he thought. He went down and sat next to her.

'Does it still remind you of Eddie?' Matt asked pointing at her belly.

Lisa nodded. 'I just don't know how he could do it.' she said,

'Look Lisa, there are monsters in real life to. There are people lot worse that who Eddie is, but does that mean that you should spend your precious time thinking about why are they like that?' Matt spoke, 'You'll only become more paranoid if you keep thinking about it. We agreed Lisa that whatever happens we'll be in this together.'

Lisa didn't speak. She simply touched her belly. Only 4 months to go.

'I'm happy to have the baby, even if it reminds of someone who was a monster, you know why? Because it will always remind me of the fact that you escaped it. It will remind of the courage you showed when it was necessary to take action. That's why I'll keep the baby, it'll be just like our baby cuz this' he touched her hand which was on the belly, 'Is what-'

'bought us together.' he said it now, looking in the fire. No it wasn't a rush. It was perfect. The fact was that he had been afraid his whole life, afraid of getting beaten by the bullies, afraid of losing grade, afraid that he'll be afraid of everything later on. That's why he kept it all together, even if it looked perfectly fine.

Maybe I should just forget this, Matt thought, Jack is just too much at times but it's okay. I'll just forget it and keep it together.

But God, was this supposed happen? Getting stuck in middle of nowhere? Matt you are starting to lose it. It's about to go really hard on you. What if it's just like the Lord of the flies? Do we kill each other?

This was the part of Matt's mind which kept the paranoia up. The one which liked to play with his life and cause anxiety to him.

No it's all okay, that was some radiation shit that's all, yeah, heard of acute radiation syndrome? Something like that, he was trying to console himself.

Acute radiation syndrome, pfft. You kidding me? Of all the things? You, dumb Acute radiation syndrome affects everyone. You have always been silly you Mr. Doctor.

He closed his eyes, don't think about it. Don't think about it. Remember what you therapist told you? If there is something happening just don't believe it.

His heart felt heavy like how it feels when you lie to yourself. He had been doing that for a very long time.

Lisa began to groan, then she started rolling in her bag. Then the shivering started. Matt looked at her. His heart shook and he made a fist.