Girls und Panzer: Itachi

9.

Helloooo, how are you? Sorry it took me so long to publish another one. But now, here we are. Hope you're gonna like this one.

The first paragraph is from Olga's point of view, by the way :)

"Just great…"

I throw the cigarette stub on the grass, with a log and pained sigh.
This isn't the first time that shit like this happens, and it's never pleasant. Yet, I keep behaving like this, expecting things to magically change. I keep finding comfort within some random girl's arms for a month or two, but it's nothing but a temporary solution. I can never really get serious with anyone. And then I make people feel bad, of course. I'd have expected her to get tired, sooner or later, and bring me the check. I was prepared, for sure, but it still hurt.

"God, what was I thinking…"

Yeah, what was I actually thinking? Why did I give her Mizuki's necklace back then? I'd never done that with anyone else before. I'm so dumb…and delusional. She can't replace Mizuki. Nobody can. She's not even dead. And while it's futile to hope she's going to wake up, a small part of me is still waiting for that day to come. Even if her memory is completely gone, I'll stay by her side. Yeah, we'll rebuild something beautiful, just the two of us. I don't need anyone else.

"I just need her…nobody else," I mutter, to further convince myself that I'm right. Plus, nobody can prove me wrong if I'm talking to myself. Right? Right. But what if she…no, she'll wake up, someday. I'm ready to wait a whole lifetime: if I'll be reunited with Mizuki, it's worth it. Yeah…it's worth it. I join my hands together and stare at the horizon, praying to whichever celestial being living in the sky that Mizuki can recover from her coma. I don't care if it's now, tomorrow or in 10 years…I'll be waiting for her.

"Please…let her be fine…"

I realize that I'm sounding very stupid, but I don't care. I honestly wouldn't need anything else, if she were here. But now, I gotta focus on more immediate things, like the upcoming final exams.

"I should get back…"

I stand up from the bench, take one last look at the buildings on the Kiev, and start heading back to my room, with an embittered expression on my face. I decide to listen to some music during the walk, so I plug in my headphones and turn the volume all the way up. I scroll through my songs for a little bit, and choose one of my favorites. I'm way out of tune, but nobody's around to hear me, so I can sing along. Right now, I just need some distraction from my life. I mean, I always do, but now more than ever.
I didn't have the courage to end this story with Mika. Fortunately, she took the matter in her own hands.
Mika…it feels weird to call her like that. Whenever I said her name, I noticed it made her really happy, though. I'm pretty sure this comes from the fact that nobody uses her name here. That's pretty sad, honestly. People shouldn't be stripped of their identity. That's why I started calling her by her name. But it doesn't matter now. Whatever that was, it's over. And frankly, I don't know how to feel about this, so I'll just ignore the thought, for now.
After a few more minutes I make it back to my room. I repeat the same things I always do without thinking: grab the key, put it in, turn, put the key back, open the door, step inside, close the door, take off my coat, hang it on the coat rack, take off my shoes, put on my slippers, and lay in bed.
I want to get drunk to forget about this shitty and useless day, but I need to control myself. I can't just take refuge in alcohol all the time.
Suddenly, though, a horrifying sensation of loneliness and fear hits me. I realize that I have no friends, that my own cousin hates me. I realize that I'm a piece of trash, that I'm worth nothing. I realize that I'm putting my hopes and dreams in someone who's been in a coma for almost a year, and who's probably never going to wake up again.