Autophobia

11| living in a nightmare

G I A N N A

I screamed from laughter as I was running as fast as my feet could take me, trying to outrun Elio's grip. I wasn't very successful as he tackled me to the ground, tickling me senseless. "Stop it, stop it." I cried, both of us now laughing our heads off. He settled on top of me, mounting me, pinning my arms above my head now smiling as I lay defenseless underneath him. 

"I love you so much, mi amore." He sighed. [my love]

"I love you too, Elio," I huffed slightly. "Always and forever," I added.

Without warning, Elio's body fell on top of me, the life draining from his eyes in a matter of seconds as I jumped at the sound of a gunshot, ringing in my ears. I got out from underneath his lifeless body turning him over so I was now on top of me. 

"No, no, no, Elio, you can't leave me,"  I said, determination in my voice. "Elio, wake up." I cried, shaking his body. "Don't leave me again." I sobbed against his chest. "Don't leave me, please."  "Please." Another sob overtook my body, my mascara now came pouring down my face, dripping onto his t-shirt. 

Blood pooled over his chest as I lent up against him, trying to put it back in his body. "Come on Elio, breath," I demanded. He can't die, not now. I started giving him CPR but nothing was working. I knew he was dead, I just didn't want to face the truth. I needed him. 

Zino and Angelo came running towards me hurrying me to my feet. "We have to go, now!"

-

I jolted awake, now sitting up gasping for air. It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real. I took a deep breath as cold perspiration ran down my forehead, back, and chest causing everything to stick to me. After that dream, I was hoping to wake up in Elio's arms again but that wasn't the case. I lent over myself reaching for my phone on my bedside dresser, to check the time.

11:43 am, 

Monday 15th January.

See? It was just a dream. Climbing out of my bed, I made my way to the bathroom. I needed to pee so bad but most importantly I needed a warm shower. I grabbed a shirt and some shorts out of my wardrobe and trudged to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and adjusted the temperature using the Ipad and slowly got undressed. Everything clung to my body as I stripped and discarded my clothing into the washing basket, shutting the fogged-up glass shower door behind me, I stepped willingly into the heat. 

The steam hit me pleasantly as it cleansed me of the horror of what I had witnessed in my sleeping state, scrubbing the non-existent blood off my hands. I tried to push past the image of Elio's dead body, unmoving underneath me, and instead decided to think about the coming week. I put a fairly-large dollop of shea butter shampoo in my hand and began rubbing it through my scalp. I didn't really have anything interesting planned. I was thinking about tagging along with Zino to the dog's first training session of the week, tomorrow but other than that, no plans. 

Realisation dawned on me as i remembered what would be coming up later this week - the anniversary of my parents death. This time several ago, i got the call that split me in two, taking away the last two people i cared about. Shuddering at the thought, forcing my tears down, I finished washing and got out of the shower. 

-

After brushing my hair and applying some light makeup, I made my way downstairs to be greeted in the kitchen by Rosa and some avocado on toast. "Good morning, Gianna." She beamed.