Autophobia

14| don't leave me like this

I woke up this morning feeling a bit achy but overall okay, I got up from my ball-like position alone on Elio's bed and picked up my phone from the dresser.

9:13

Thursday 18th January.

Two new notifications.

My smile faded away as sadness and grief took over. Five years today.

Opening my phone and dialing her number, I waited rather impatiently for the voicemail tone.

"Hiya, you've reached Lily, I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now but if you leave a message then I'll get back to you asap, thanks, bye." The woman on the other end said cheerily.

I started to choke up slightly at her voice like I did every year. "Hi mum," I started as the tears came flooding out, almost immediately. "It's o-officially been five years since you and dad left." I couldn't help it, my eyes went puffy and red as the tears streamed down to my hand that gripped onto my necklace, playing with the charm. "I miss you guys s-so much," I added, weakly sniffling, trying to pull myself back together. "You've missed a lot, you know?" I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "I've made a lot of new friends," I added, smiling. "And I'm staying with Elio at the moment, you always did like him-m," I spoke softly. "It's hard mum, without you guys, I'm struggling so much and I just, I just," I let out an emotional scoff. "I want to be with you, I want you here, it's not the same," I added once again.

"When I met Mateo the other day and he told me that they lost their mum too, it broke my heart," I sobbed. "She was so lovely to me, your friendship was everything. And all I could think about w-was you, and the loss I've not been able to shake." My eyes started to ache and my hands began to shake. "He's only 10, and I'm 21 for fucks sake, and I- I." I took a deep breath. "I hope you and Mabilia are watching over us all and are proud of how far we've come." A soft smile made its way back to my face. "I'll try to limit how many times I call, I promise." I continued to twiddle with the chain around my neck. "I'll talk to you soon, I love you both so much," I cried softly, new tears layering over my stained cheeks. "Bye."

I hung up and rested the phone on my lap, still perched at the end of Elio's bed when someone knocked at the door.

"It's Zino, can I come in?" He spoke softly.

"Yeah come in," I replied, shifting in my seat.

"I heard you crying and wanted to make sure you were okay." Zino took a seat next to me, placing a comforting hand over mine. "Who were you talking to Anna?" He questioned.

"My uh," I started, wiping my nose, "It was my mum." I smiled, looking down.

"Voicemail huh?" Zino replied reassuringly. "It's nice to hear their voice again, isn't it?" I nodded, tears continuing to spill as I leaned my head on Zino's shoulder.

"I miss them so much Zino," I sniffled, moving in closer, "It's been five years since the accident, and I don't think I can keep doing this without them,"

"Hey listen to me Anna," Zino commanded, I looked up at him and he continued. "You are one of the strongest women I know," He added, wiping my tears, "You can get through this, I know you can. You aren't alone anymore." He smiled.

"Thank you, Z." I breathed out.

"You're welcome, Anna." Zino pulled me in closer. "How about we go over to The Rose," I looked up to him in confusion, "Oh, The Rose is the name for the second house, and The Orchard is this house," He explained with a smile. "How about we head over, we can have a chill day with the gang. Ice-cream, movies, popcorn, matching pj's, the lot." He beamed.