Loki imagines

Broken- part 2

Warning: mention of abuse

The next morning I was the first one to wake, I looked down at Loki, who was still sound asleep in my arms. He looked so peaceful like this, only the tear stains on his cheeks reminding of his breakdown yesterday.

Sun streamed through the windows, making his pale skin shine in the light. I snuggled closer to him, closing my eyes again. Even though the reason why I could be this close to him was horrible, I enjoyed having him in my arms.

After a few hours Loki slowly started to stir awake, turning around in my arms. His eyelids fluttered open, revealing the broken look in his eyes.

"Good morning Loki."
He didn't answer, not that I was expecting him to, but he pulled me a little bit closer. I knew that at some point we had to talk, but for now I allowed him to rest.

Another hour later I slowly pulled away, sitting up against the headboard. I also helped Loki to sit next to me, he leaned his head against my shoulder, still haven't said anything.

"Love? Please, I know you don't want to, but we have to talk about what happened yesterday... Why- why did you want to jump?"
Loki visibly tensed, but still didn't say anything. After a few minutes of silence, I didn't expect him to answer anymore, but he quitely started to speak.

"Isn't it obvious? Everyone here hates me... My brother hasn't spoken to me in months and now, thanks to him, everyone knows what kind of hideous monster I am. And on top of all that, whenever I try to ask to at least see my mother, Thor doesn't even bother to answer." A dry sob escaped his throat and he hid his face, clearly not wanting to show his vulnerability.

"Loki, not everyone hates you. I don't. I know I'll never be able to give you the kind of love a mother or sibling does, but I'm here for you. I promise. And please, don't ever say you're a monster, because you're not."

"H-how can you say that? You know what I am and what I did."
"Love, you didn't do anything. You were being controlled so don't dare to blame yourself."

He looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears "Y/n... Why would you ever possibly want me? You're good, a hero, and I? I'm broken beyond fixing. Why would you take a burden like that upon yourself?"

"I don't believe there's such thing as 'broken beyond fixing'. Everyone is a little broken on the inside, some just more than others. And if you find someone that is worth fixing, you don't give up on them."

When I looked him in the eyes, I could clearly see the disbelief in them, so I chose to tell him a story I haven't told anyone ever before. My story.

I inhaled deeply before I started to speak again. "W-when I was seven years old my dad died. He was an awesome man, he was always happy and we used to laugh a lot, so his death- Well, it hit me hard. But it was even worse for my mother, she didn't know what to do with herself."

"She started to drink and with the alcohol she grew abusive. Even though mom never harmed me physically, she used to scream a lot. I was afraid to go home after school, but I always did come back, because there were some bright moments.
Sometimes, when she was sober it actually felt like she cared, but those times where rare. Mostly she would lash out at me for every small mistake I made."

"Over the years I grew afraid of her, but I couldn't leave, she was still my mother."

"One day it was especially bad, she had drank so much, that she didn't even recognise me. She- she attacked for the first time ever. Mom didn't only shout this time... She- she charged at me with a broken beer bottle, screaming at me to leave her flat. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, but she followed me. Mom stumbled down after me, to drunk to run properly. She fell down the stairs."

"Mom- She didn't survive... I lost the last person that I had, because no matter how much I wanted to hate her, I couldn't. She was my mother."

"After that I went into the system. For the first four months I didn't talk to anyone and I only ate as much as necessary. I wouldn't be here now, if Fury hadn't taken me in. (Just go with it) He never gave up on me, without him I'd still be as broken as before."

"So, this is why I know that everyone can be 'fixed', you just have to allow yourself to let people help you."

At some point through my story, I started to cry, tears rolling down my cheeks freely. I haven't thought about mom in years. No matter how horribly she treated me, she was my mother and I missed her.

I had to remind myself where I was and that I wasn't alone anymore. I had Nick and Maria, who were like my family. No, not like my family, they were my family.

I felt Loki shift against my side slightly, snuggling closer. I hesitantly rested my chin upon his head, enjoying his presence. Reminding myself, that right now he needed to be comforted more than I did, I chose to ask the question that has been running through my mind for a while.

"Love? Will you allow me to help you?"

The god pulled away just far enough to look me in my eyes "Y-yes..." He offered me a shaky, small smile, it didn't last long, but it was a beginning.

I wouldn't rest until Loki was happy again, until smiling wasn't a rare act anymore and his eyes were beaming with joy again, chasing away the brokenness.

And I most certainly wouldn't rest until he loved himself as much as he deserved to.