I didn't see you coming - A Harry Styles Fanfic

Chapter 3 - Mother Knows Best

* YOU CAN PLAY THE SONG ABOVE ALONGSIDE THIS CHAPTER BUT IT ISN'T NECESSARY *

Later on that evening, having been home from school for a few hours, I relax up in my room. I lay on top of my scuffed coal duvet staring up at my ceiling, my hair spewed over my bed like a splatter of paint. I enlighten my ears with the sweet sounds of 'she's leaving home' by the Beatles, which I listen to almost every day. Swaying my arms through the delicate air, I blare out the lyrics at the top of my lungs.

"Silently closing her bedroom door..." I sing along becoming one with the music.

Finally, at peace. Taken out of the misery that is this town, this school, this life even. The breath-taking music dances in my mind as swirling cool colours of blues and greys.

"Quietly turning the backdoor key, stepping outside she is free..." I continue.

Becoming absorbed into the fantasy, I barely notice my mother calling from the kitchen. A few minutes later after she realises that I wasn't going to respond, three gentle knocks are tapped against my door. I let my arms fall to my sides unhappy to be disturbed.

"This better be worth it," I mumble getting up off my bed.

I head over to my pearly green record player and fumble with the controls on my connected speakers, turning it down but not completely off. As I turn around, I find my mother already in the doorway. I relocate to my desk chair sitting staring up at my mother waiting.

"Hello dear, how was your day at school?" She asks relaxing against the door frame.

"Nothing new I guess," which to be honest wasn't far from the truth, but I didn't want to get her started on her carnival conundrums.  

"So I was thinking, you should probably go to that carnival tonight. You know get some air, get out of the house, be with folks your own age. It will be good for you. What do you think? Are you going to go?" She stares at me with her wide awaiting eyes filled with eagerness.

"TOO LATE!" I thought to myself.

"Well, I've got some missing assignments I need to get done so I'm kind of busy" I blatantly lie, half expecting her to just accept it and walk away.

"yeah right! Busy doing what? Blasting your music every night sulking in your loneliness?" I didn't expect her to respond like this, any other day she would've left me alone. But today was the one day that she would not.

"I ummm... I've..." shocked by the sudden confrontation, I mumble struggling to get my words out.

"Never mind forget I even asked," she waves it off turning back to the door heading out.

"Ok fine. I get it, I'm sorry I don't have a cult of friends or that I spend all day in my room. But do you know what, I'm happy!" Island up throwing my hands up in defence slightly raising my voice to grab her attention.

"I don't know how delusional you have to be to ignore that you're desperately lonely. You need to go out and socialise." She declares sternly getting closer to me know until were almost face to face.

"As if you know what's good for me!" I irritably yell back forcing her eyes to lock with mine.

"I thought I knew who you were but maybe you're not who I thought you were!"

Her arms tense at her side as stiff as a plank. Her fists aggressively ball up and expand  releasing her steam as she storms out of my room. She slams the door behind her, not allowing me to see the tears she was holding back.

I charge towards the door pounding my fist against the cold fortified timber. I let my head rest against it for a moment allowing my tears to stream down my face falling effortlessly to the floor.

Turning my back against the door, I gradually slide down it until I am tightly balled up at the bottom. I bury my head between my knees and cry out, Ineffectively blocking out the negative self-deprecating thoughts that ambush my mind.

THIS IS WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU!
SHE'D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU!
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!
NOT EVEN YOUR OWN MOTHER!

The tears only gush faster distorting my vision as I slightly rock myself on the floor.

"Why did I have to go and do that? I'm such an idiot!" I internally tell myself.

In protest, I heave myself off the floor and ,despite my lack of vision, navigate towards my bed and slam myself face down onto it. I let everything go.

Eventually, a mental breakdown and a half later, I sit up against my headboard. My eyes are swollen and my face is flushed red: the battle scars from my emotional meltdown.

I had a while to reflect on the situation ultimately leaving me feeling guilty and shameful. There are so many worse things I could do as a teenager and enjoying my own company isn't one of them. It was unnecessary lashing out at her the way I did I should've been truthful with her in the first place, But the damage is done.

In an attempt to please my already broken-down mother, I decide that I will go to the carnival even if it's only for 30 minutes. Hopefully that way she can "see that I'm trying." *eye roll*