TW: Self harm and mention of rape.
At 13, I was living in a small house in San Antonio Texas with my parents, sister Clancy, and beloved dog Sugar, we had a happy life. My two best friends lived close so we hung out more than I did with some o...
"Dad?" I asked. He nodded. "Where are we?" I asked suddenly curious and scared. "We are in the hospital. You fell when you were unpacking your room and got a mild concussion. We should be able to go home today." He said with no expression. I wanted to ask if something was wrong but the doctor came in and said we could leave. I was somehow allowed to stay in my jeans and Billy Joel T-shirt while I was at the hospital so I couldn't have been there too long. Right? I groaned internally about the new mask i was wearing.
We walked out of the hospital and I climbed into the back seat of the dark green truck. Once we were in the car I got bored. "New Jersey" I said looking at a license plate of a powder blue Ford. Dad jumped and I apologized for scaring him. "Is my phone here or at home?" I asked wanting to text my only friend. I met him a few years ago at a cheeseburger place with mom. Mom left dad and I a few weeks after and I opened up to the boy who gave me his number. I still remember the month after she left. (Flashback) I clicked the only contact in my phone that wasn't mom or dad. "Please answer." I repeated in my head as I tried to face time him. "Hello?" Came his voice. "Thank god." I said. "Hey." I said while my voice broke. "What's wrong Jordan?" "My mom left my dad and I last week." I said bluntly and the tears slowly started. I tried my best to hide them and hold them in. I had to be strong for father. He has been distant lately so I called him father instead of dad. It was different but he seemed to prefer it. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do? You need anything?" "I could use a good friend." I smiled as he stared at me as if I could have talked to anyone else. "Why not someone you have actually known for more than a few weeks?" "Because you are the only one daring to wear a purple sweatshirt at 8 years old in a mall by some random girl you didn't even know." And we have known each other for 2 months know I said laughing. "There we go. That's the laugh and smile you deserve. Not some tears for someone who couldn't see how amazing you are." I blushed at his words. "Can you promise me something?" I asked. "Only if you can promise me something. "Deal. Promise me that you will always be my friend. Promise me that you will never leave me. Promise me that you won't be the person I can forget and replace." I said. "I promise. If you promise to always have a good day. Promise that you will never stop smiling your real smile. Promise that you will never stop laughing no matter what anyone says. Promise you will always talk to me first for everything or at least most things. Like if you need help and need to be talked through something or you can't figure out how to fold a shirt or can't do geometry. No matter what it is you will always talk to me. Even if it's embarrassing and I will do the same to you." "I Jordan, promise to abide by all of the previously stated promises." "And I JT, promise to abide by all the previously stated promises." We started laughing and I didn't realize my door opened while we laughed.
A voice started and I thought I hung up by t I didn't. I stood up quickly and straightened my posture. "Can you please be quiet?" I lowered my head so he couldn't see the tears. "I was sleeping. I have to be at work early tomorrow. Before you get up. Good night." Father stated anger lay. "Yes Father" I whispered as he shut the door.
I changed into a tank top and some sweat pants and started talking to my self. "I'm sorry father. I try to be perfect for you so you won't be disappointed in me. I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I'm fat and don't have abs like your female friends at work. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted." I fell backwards onto my bed and started quietly sobbing into my pillow. "I'm sorry I can't show JT that I can't keep his promise no matter how hard I try. Someone always brings me down. I'm sorry that I can't show him how horrible i am. How I make people leave. How father will probably leave soon. How mom left because of me." I fell asleep not knowing I still didn't hang up with JT and he saw my pain and me cry myself to sleep that night.(end of flash back) "Your phone is in the house. I didn't think you needed it. You are already obsessed with it. I thought you needed some time away from it." "From my only friend? I have no games or social media. Just able to text, FaceTime, and call my only friend and my best friend." I muttered under my breath. "What was that?" "Nothing Father." A few minuets later we arrived home. I opened the door of the car quickly wanting to see my best friend again after so long. I ran up to the front door and waited while I imagined what crazy story he came up with just for me. My smile faded when father walked up. It's hard no to see who he was when you hate yourself for how he was. He walked up to the door and unlocked it. "Thank you" I said and walked inside and was about to start walking to my room when there was a slight problem. "Shoot. I forgot where my room was." "It's over here." He said implying for me to follow him. We went down a few hallways and up a set of stairs when we reached my room. "This is your and this is my room." He said pointing to mine and walking over to his. "Thanks." I whispered. I opened my door and was astonished on how beautiful it was.
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"WOW!" i said breathless from the huge room. There was still a lot of empty space and a lot of boxes on the floor but I still loved it. I went to my bed to find my phone and Facetime JT.
"Hello?" "Hi!" I said and he could see and hear my excitement. "Why are you so excited?" He asked with a laugh. "Look! I just woke up from a concussion half an hour ago and when i got back from the hospital, I went to my room and Look! There is so much space!" "Wow it is a big room!" "I finally have enough space for all the books I want from the book store!" He laughed. "That doesn't surprise me at all." He said still laughing. "Have you asked if you can come visit soon? We haven't seen each other since the day we met!" He sighed. "My parents signed me up for sports camp this summer and I am swamped with school right now but I want to see you in person too. Don't worry I will wear a mask." He said smirking, knowing how much I complain about having to wear one. "I am going to ask my dad if I can go and visit you too. but I seriously doubt it since he doesn't even let me go into the garage without knowing about it. I want to meet your family though. They sound amazing!" "But they are always making fun of mee" He complained and stretched out the me. "Thats why they sound amazing." I concluded with a goofy smile. "Knock Knock." I heard from the door. "Yes Father?" I asked from the couch in my room. "Its time for dinner." "Ok father I will be down in a minuet." I spoke with no emotion. Just like he did. He nodded his head and left with the door still open. "I GTG eat dinner." I said and sighed sadly. "I will text you after. You have any sports things tonight?" "Ok. Have fun with your dinner. I have a football game Saturday and it's the last one of the season." "Ok." "Bye" We said in sync. I will go to that game weather I sneak out and hitchhike or I fly the plane from London to Texas. I will get to that game.
