TW: Self harm and mention of rape.
At 13, I was living in a small house in San Antonio Texas with my parents, sister Clancy, and beloved dog Sugar, we had a happy life. My two best friends lived close so we hung out more than I did with some o...
TW! Will have TW above where it starts and when it ends.
That morning my alarm went off scaring both of us and effectively waking us up.
(They woke up like this)
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"My bad" She said as she got up after turning off the alarm. I pulled her arm and she fell into my arms again. "Five more minuets." "Come on. We have to get up and go for your morning run. Then you have to get ready for school. Its the last three weeks of school and it is just easy stuff you don't want to fail." She said. I groaned and sat up. "Ok. You coming on the run?" I asked hopefully. "I am not good at running so probably not." "Oh come on. Please. It will be way more fun with you!" "Ok fine." I took out my clothes from the closet that I need and so she could change in the closet and I changed in the room. I was about to put my shirt on when there was a knock on the door. "Can I come out?" "Yeah" I said putting my shirt on. "Just let me put my hair up the we can get goi*Yawn*ng." She walked out of the room with her brush and came back a few minuets later with her wavy hair in a long ponytail. "Its hot outside so you might want to take off your sweat shirt." "Ill tie it around my waist if I get hot but thanks" She said and her hand went to her right wrist. I let it go for now.
"Ok. Ready?" "Yeah. Lets go." She followed me out side and we started our 4:30 run. She was close behind me for almost the entire run until we got our street. "First one back gets first shower" I yelled to her. Thats when she sped past me and won. "I win" I am surprised she lasted the 2 mile run. She never exercises.
"Where are the towels?" She asked as she followed me inside. "Ill get you one. They are right here." I said leading her to the small cabinet in the bathroom. "How do you turn the shower on?" "You turn it left for cold and right for hot." "Thank you!" She left and came back with three soaps and some new clothes. Its supposed to be a hot day so I don't know why she brought another hoodie to change into.
"When you shut the door turn this to lock it." "Ok thanks" I left the bathroom and went to see if there was any clues to why she was always wearing a hoodie. I closed my door and locked it. I first went to her suitcase to check. I found a lot of socks, some bra's and a diary. And lot's of books. Wait. A Diary! There was no lock so I decided to open it to look for something important.
June 12, 2019 9:42 pm
Dear Diary,
My best friend remembered my birthday! I didn't think he would though. Dad forgot it today. Mom at least sent me 20 bucks through PayPal. I cant beleive you and I have been together for four years today! That was the best day of my life. Well, besides when I met JT. I know I can tell him any thing and I do! he helped me through when I had cramps for the first time and when Mom left two years ago he was there. When ever I need someone to vent to or to laugh with, he is always there. Anyways, Thank you for holding all of my secrets and always being there for me too.
Love your friend,
Jordan
TW
July 7th, 2019 6:00 pm
I read so many storys online now and it seems to work for them so I am going to try it. Everything I hate about myself . Fat 1 cut. Making Mom leave 1 cut. Making Dad isolate him self 1 cut. My face 1 cut. My fat thighs 1 cut. Not being able to workout without passing out 1 cut. My nails always being ugly 1 cut. My personality 1 cut. Wow. It burns. But I deserve it. 8 cuts to my right wrist. It will always remind me about how I am such an awful person.
love your friend,
Jordan
July 8th, 2019 5:42 pm
So today I snuck out which means walking out the front door. I went and bought concealer and a bunch of cropped hoodies and oversized hoodies. I made sure to get long lasting waterproof concealer for my cuts. It burns and re opens when I take a shower but I deserve it. I deserve to watch my blood go down the drain. Get soap in my cuts and feel the stinging. Don't worry. Dad still doesn't know. And neither does JT. He never will. and I want to keep it that way. I have added a few more cuts since yesterday. I will not be able to wear short sleeves for a while now without concealer and foundation on my arms. I cant tell him cause then he will leave me for being such a screw up and how I always mess everything up.
Love, your friend,
Jordan
Tw
I put the diary back where I found it and realized the water was not on anymore. I heard the door for the bathroom unlock. I hurried and went to the closet and got some clothes. I unlocked the door and walked outside just as she opened the door. Surprisingly there was no steam on the mirror. "I took a cold shower. There is hot water for yours." She said as she smiled. "Is there something wrong?" She asked. Concern written on her face. I saw a flash of fear in her eyes as she held her right wrist in her hand. "Did I do something wrong.?" She asked and looked down. "No sorry I zoned out. I couldn't sleep last night" I lied. "I can never sleep on school nights." "Ok. I am going to go brush my hair." She said as she took her dirty clothes and soaps back to the room. "You can leave your soaps in there if you want." I said. She nodded her head and I went to the bathroom to take my shower.
