18: i n m y t i m e o f d y i n g

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Remember, I love you

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Remember, I love you.

April 18th, 1990

  Sydney sat uncomfortably on her seat, wanting nothing more than to flee the restaurant she was sitting in with Adam and one of his supervisors. They were on a double date with the surgeon and his wife at an upscale restaurant, and Sydney hated every moment of it. Mostly she hated the way the stupidly absurd ring that Adam had given her sat upon her finger. It seemed to weigh a ton, and it was distracting.
"And how are you feeling about the relocation?" The woman across the table asked Sydney.
  Sydney struggled to remember the woman's name. Martha, Mary, Margaret... something. Plastering a smile on her made up lips, she replied.
"I feel great. I grew up on a Washington beach so it almost feels like home." She explained hollowly.
"Oh good. A bit warmer though I imagine?" The woman's husband said.
"Yes sir." She agreed, managing to jam a forkful of her dinner in to her mouth.
  She hadn't been eating much lately and it showed in her reflection each time she brought herself to look at it. She was a gaunt ghost of the person that she had been a few weeks ago. Despite the constant sunshine, her skin was pale from rarely leaving her bed during daytime hours while Adam was at work. She had officially become an empty shell.
  Adam smiled at her then, lacing his fingers through her left hand and raising it up for everyone to see.
"I asked Sydney to marry me the other night." He announced proudly.
"Oh, congratulations!" The woman across from them squealed excitedly, grabbing Sydney's hand to admire the ring more closely. "That is gorgeous. I'm so happy for you both! You will have to let me know if you need any help with planning. I know an excellent florist, and I absolutely adore weddings."
  Sydney only nodded, tears welling up in her throat. The morning after Adam had proposed to her, she woke up with the ring already on her finger. He'd been making breakfast and whistling happily, kissing her enthusiastically when he saw that she was awake. She had felt sick to her stomach.
"That's great news!" Adam's boss said, shaking Adam's hand. "You two will make a beautiful family."
"We are hoping so. We are actually having a small courthouse wedding. Sydney doesn't have any family or friends that are able to make the trip, so we feel it would be more appropriate to keep things personal. Kids however, could be just around the corner. We were both raised without siblings so we plan on having a big family as soon as we can."
  Sydney felt lightheaded. She had a feeling that he had kids on his mind after he stopped using protection when they moved here. This was the first time he had said it out loud though. It was also the first time he had discussed any sort of wedding details with her, so she was just as surprised as the couple sitting across the table. What Adam didn't know was that she had snuck off to the doctors one day while he was working and got herself on birth control.
  She kept the pills well hidden in a hollow space behind the drywall in their closet along with Chris's tape and Andy's notes. She refused to bear his children, although she questioned his ability to reproduce anyhow. He always seemed to struggle when it came to keeping it up, and either that meant that he wasn't attracted to her or he had something not working right down there.
  Drowning out the talk at the table, she wondered when Adam planned to set this wedding date. If it was going to be a courthouse wedding, chances are he wouldn't wait long at all. The thought nearly sent her into a full panic. Excusing herself as politely as possible, she hurried to the restrooms. Her heels clacked on the hard bathroom floors, and she was glad to see the place empty.
  Leaning against a sink and staring her reflection down hard, she knew that she couldn't wait any longer. Whatever she was going to do to break free from him had to happen fast... but she was terrified. She had a ghost of a plan, but there was so much uncertainty, so much room for error and miscalculation. The fear gripped her heart tightly, fear of what would happen to her when she tried to leave. What if it went too far?
  Taking a few deep breaths, she splashed some cold water on her chest and neck. She had to keep her cool and stay focused, which wasn't an easy thing now that her heart was racing and her body temperature was rising. It took everything in her to gather herself and head back out to the table. She finished the dinner somehow, even though she felt like screaming. The alcohol helped, as she ordered a third wine and Adam smiled sweetly at her.
  On their way home she stared listlessly out the window as Adam drove. As they passed through the city, a sign caught her eye. It was above a small local watering hole, much shabbier than most of its competition, and it listed the weekly entertainment in aged letter tiles. One in particular caught her eye as familiar.
April 25th: Inflatable Soule
  Her heart skipped a few beats and she fought to keep her sudden excitement under control. That was the band that Chris's brother Peter and two of his sisters were in. Susan had just recently started managing them. She couldn't believe this was real. If she was waiting for a sign that she needed to act soon, this was it. A literal sign that now served as a beacon of hope in her heart.
Just a few more days. She told herself. Swallow this hell for just a few more days and I can get home.

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