Cacophony

27: i n t h e s u n l i g h t

It seems he's near me when I walk, one who loved what love denied.

"I feel like  you're so much nicer now." Kim was telling Sydney from where he sat in her and Chris's living room. "You're so much more hole-some all of a sudden."
  The room erupted with laughter again. A decent-sized group of people had gathered at the couple's home to wish Sydney a speedy recovery, bringing food, beer and good company. She'd only been out of the hospital for a few days, but she was surprisingly upbeat. This surprised Chris, who was the only person in the room not laughing.
"Oh god, I can't take anymore." Sydney wheezed, holding a pillow to her abdomen to dull the pain that radiated from her clenched muscles.
"You guys are all dicks. I'm sure Sydney doesn't appreciate all these cutting remarks." Stone said, feigning a stern expression.
  More laughter ensued, and Chris rolled his eyes. A ghost of a smile hinted at his lips finally, even though he wished they would all shut up. Joking about what happened was the last thing he felt like doing. Sydney, however, seemed to be fine with it. She was smiling, which was admittedly good to see.
"You know Stoney I really just think you're mad because you're not sharp enough to understand the humor." Ed told him.
  Sydney shook her head, smiling from ear to ear while Demri had to pause from painting Sydney's toes to double over in laughter. It was strangely comforting to have this traumatic thing that had happened to her taken and transformed into something that could cause her to laugh with people she cared about. Somehow it took away the power of what Adam had done, power he had died to try and obtain. He was gone now, and he would never hurt her again. Now all she had to do was get better and get back to living a life that she finally loved. A life that she would never take for granted after it was nearly taken from her in the blink of an eye. Even if that life eventually led straight into a gutter, as long as she was free to live without fear then she would embrace it.
  Everyone hung out for a little while longer, laughing, snacking and drinking a few beers. As people began to say their goodbyes a few others went out to the backyard for a cigarette while Demri and Xana helped Chris begin to clean up any mess that was left behind. Just then Jerry walked in followed by an older man that Sydney had never seen before. He wore a leather jacket and a brown Stetson, and he looked rather shy.
"Sydney." Jerry greeted, walking over to bend down and give her a gentle hug. "Damn its good to see you looking like yourself again."
"It's good to be back." She agreed.
"Hey, I want you to meet someone."
  He turned to the older man. The gentleman took a few steps forward and his gaze fell over the little blonde. His eyes were blue and familiar, and suddenly Sydney realized who he must be. She motioned for Jerry to help her to a stand, which he did very carefully. Sydney smiled as she accepted the older gentleman's hand.
"Dad, this is my good friend Sydney Lee. She's one of the most badass women I've ever met. Syd, this is my dad."
"Hi, Jerry's dad. It's good to finally meet you."
"Call me Rooster."
"Rooster?" She confirmed, raising her eyebrows.
"Yes ma'am. They started calling' me Rooster as a kid 'cos I was so damn cocky." He smiled.
"Oh, so that's where Jerry gets it huh?"
  The two laughed while Jerry looked between them.
"I'm not cocky." He argued.
"Right." Sydney teased, narrowing her eyes.
  She talked easily with them for a few more minutes. Rooster seemed like a good man, and she was so happy that he was here. She only hoped that whatever relationship had rekindled between the father and son would prove to be a good one. When she felt a hand gently caress her back, she turned to smile up at Chris.
"Hey baby. I want you to meet my new friend Rooster. He's Jerry's dad."
"Nice to meet you sir. I'm Chris."
  The two men shook hands.
"Hi Chris. I appreciate you letting me stop by."
"You're welcome any time." Sydney said. "There's beer or soda in the fridge if you'd like something to drink." Chris offered, gesturing toward the kitchen. "Make yourself at home."
"Sure."
  Within the the next half hour, nearly everyone had left except for a few. Jerry and his dad remained, as well as Layne, Demri, Mike Starr and Sean Kinney. Chris and Sydney sat close beside one another in their living room, feeling almost out of place in their own home. While they had always been friendly with the Alice In Chains guys, this was the first time all of them had been here in their home. They both could tell that this was important for Jerry though, so they sat quietly and let Rooster get to know Jerry's band mates. After awhile though, Jerry shifted the subject.
"Chris I don't know if Sydney told you about the conversation we had the first night I came here, but if it weren't for her I don't know if I would have reached out to my dad here."
  Everyone looked curiously between Sydney and Jerry, wondering what he meant.
"Sydney I just wanted to thank you for not only letting me crash here, but for listening to my story and thinking of things from his perspective instead of telling me what you thought I wanted to hear."
  Sydney didn't say anything, unable to stop the blush from her cheeks as everyone looked at her. It hadn't ever been her intention to do something so profound, in fact she remembered how afraid she had been that she'd pissed him off that night. Before another word was spoken, Rooster rose from his seat and walked around the coffee table to where she sat. Wordlessly he helped her to a stand and wrapped his arms around her as gently as he could.
  Instantly she felt tears stinging her eyes. Though she knew nothing about this man, he smelled of cigarettes and leather just like her father had. He was even a similar height and build to her own father, and a wave of bittersweet emotion washed over her as she struggled to remember the last time she had really hugged him before he died. Affection had never been one of his defining characteristics, so she knew it must have been a long while. Regret filled her heart, realizing just how much she wished she could tell him and show him. She felt happiness too, that in some abstract way she had helped Jerry be able to share this exciting time in his life with his dad even though she was unable to do so with hers.
  When they pulled away from each other, she was surprised to see tears in Rooster's eyes as well. He gave her arm a quick squeeze as Layne raised his beer bottle in the air.
"To Syd." He said.
  Everyone echoed his sentiment and drank in her honor, her blush deepening.
  Sydney sat back down and Chris pressed his lips to her temple. She looked at him shyly, not accustomed to having this much attention on her all at once. It had been a good day and, even though she was exhausted from it, her heart was full.
  Soon everyone left, and Sydney's energy for the day was completely spent. Chris accompanied her upstairs, helping her change her bandages and get into bed. As she settled back into his arms, she breathed a sigh of relief. This was exactly where she wanted to be.
"How are you feeling?" He asked. "You had quite a day."
"I'm not sure how I'm still awake to be honest." She smiled, closing her eyes.
Chris smiled, tracing a thumb over her cheekbone and breathing in the floral scent of her hair. He was so thankful that she was still here. That day never stopped replaying in his head... the way his heart clutched with terror as his nostrils filled with the scent of blood. He really had thought he was going to lose her, but she was here.
"How are you so okay? After everything that's happened to you, how is it that you can smile and laugh about it so easily?"
"I-I don't know. I think if I don't let it affect me then it doesn't have power over me anymore. It also helps that I don't really remember much of it." She whispered.
"Still nothing?"
"Not really... some things have come back, but I don't know if everything I remembered is real. Actually, I know for a fact that at least some of it wasn't real at all."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I-I saw my dad." She confessed.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No. No, we just sat there on this washed up log on the beach back home, watching the sun rise. He smiled at me, almost like he was proud. He grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it tight... in a comforting way. It's the closest he ever got to showing any real affection. I heard ukulele music as we sat there. It almost sounded like Eddie singing a lullaby."
"Then what happened?" Chris asked, genuinely curious as to what all had gone on in her brain while she slept.
"Then Bill was there, and my dad walked away from me to play fetch with him down the beach. The sky got really grey and the music stopped... then I was alone. I could hear so many different voices, screaming and whispering. I could hear you hitting your highest notes and whispering that you loved me. I could also hear Adam screaming that I was too stupid to lock the front door. I heard Kim laughing, but when I saw his face through this grey fog he looked afraid. I could hear Andy telling me, 'Keep your chin up, Sunshine'... the last thing he ever said to me. Eventually I couldn't move my arms. I couldn't figure out why, but then I saw you. I didn't understand why you were holding me there. Your lips were moving but all I could hear was this cacophony of screams and whispers and memories."
She paused, feeling a sudden rush of emotions. She hadn't realized how much of her dreams that she remembered, and she knew that none of it made any sense now that she was awake.
"They did restrain you. You were scared and kept trying to pull out your breathing tube, so they didn't have a choice."
"Oh."
"What do you remember next?" Chris asked, seeing that she was close to falling asleep but wanting to hear her talk just a little longer.
"I remember wanting to give up. Wanting to walk into the waves and let them take me to wherever, because trying to find a way home seemed impossible. Then I heard you singing to me. You were singing that song you sang to me a long time ago on a tour bus somewhere when I had a bad dream. I looked for you and I found you, and you told me you were with me. So I decided to stay."
Chris couldn't reply, his throat caught with emotion. It may all have been a strange dream but she was here, and it was all over now. Her breathing soon became deeper, and he knew that she was falling asleep.
"Sydney Lee?"
"Hmm?" She sighed, not opening her eyes.
"Will you marry me?"
"Mmmm... maybe tomorrow."
He smiled at her sleepy words. She might be half asleep, but this was also the first time she hadn't just flat out said no. It may only be a small thing, but he kissed her sweetly on the forehead and headed downstairs to find his guitar with a certain lightness in his chest. He sat down in the partially finished basement with a pen, paper and his trusty Les Paul and started to write.