Cacophony

1: c h r i s

 

"Crawl like ivy up my spine
Through my nerves and into my eyes."

Seattle- Summer 1988

  Sydney startled awake at the sound of the alarm blaring on top of the old plastic milk crate that was her nightstand. Reaching a hand out she fumbled around for the button that would turn the obnoxious noise off. 
12:00 p.m.
"Ugh." She groaned quietly.
Swiping the blonde waves out of her face, her neck and shoulders popped as she stretched her arms above her head. It came as no surprise to her after the second night sleeping on the floor of her new, tiny apartment that she shared with her only friend Liz. She slowly pushed herself to a stand, feeling a knot forming in her gut with each step as she tiptoed into the tiny bathroom. Gently she separated the tangles in her long hair with her fingers, using a spritz of product to keep her wild locks tamed. She then applied a minimal amount of makeup to her face, not knowing what to expect from this job interview. All she knew was that she not only needed this job, but she also really wanted it.
  Creeping out of the bathroom she made her way back across the room, trying to be quiet as she slid open her side of their shared closet and pulled out her best (and only) blouse. Buttoning it, she turned to the three old milk crates that stored her other clothes. She had laid out a high waisted black pencil skirt last night over the top of them to make sure it was still wrinkle free this morning. There was a somewhat organized pile of shoes in what should have been the dining area, and Sydney picked out a pair of kitten heels to go with her ensemble. The clicking of the shoes on the bare floor in front of their only mirror woke Liz, who blinked sleepily as she peered around the room. She caught Sydney examining her reflection, an expression of unease on her face that she had come to know well.
"Lose the shoes. And that shirt." Liz muttered, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of one eye.
"What? I don't have anything else to wear."
"You're not applying for an office job. You're applying for a tech gig for a grunge band."
"I've used this for every interview I had back home-"
"And how many jobs did that land you?" Liz smirked, pushing herself off of the floor on the other side of the room where they both slept.
  Digging around on Sydney's side of their closet she brought out a white band tee that read The Police 1982 North American Tour.
"Put that on and lose those damn shoes. You're feet will thank you and so might your potential career." Liz tossed a pair of Doc Martens at her before proceeding to the kitchen to light up a cigarette and start herself a pot of coffee.
"These are yours..." Sydney observed.
"You're welcome."
"Thank you." Sydney sighed, offering her friend a nervous smile. "I'm so nervous... I almost just don't want to go."
  Liz's grouchy morning demeanor softened, and she walked across the bare space to squeeze her friend's shoulders reassuringly.
"This job interview is the only reason you talked me into coming up here in the first place. I know you have low self esteem and anxiety and that whole fun cocktail of angst running around in your head... but you have to stop selling yourself short. Stop letting your parents voices tell you what your worth is, okay? They aren't here anymore. You can do this, Syd."
  Sydney sighed, blinking away the sudden tears that burned the corners of her eyes. She wasn't a crier, and she had no time to fix messed up makeup.
"Thanks." She said again, giving her a grateful but quick embrace.
She grabbed her wallet off of the counter and her keys from the crooked thumbtack on the wall above it.
"No coffee?" Liz asked.
"No time!" She waved as she hurried out of the apartment.
She vaguely heard Liz wish her luck before the door slammed closed behind her. With a deep, calming breath, she took the steps down to the street and hopped in her beat up old pickup truck. It wasn't very long before she arrived to her destination... Susan Silver Studios on California Avenue in Seattle.
Putting the pickup in park and tugging at her clothes nervously, she made her way into the establishment. Down a long hallway sat a room with a colorful receptionist behind a desk.
"H-hello. My name is Sydney Lee. I've come for an interview with Ms. Silver for the guitar tech position-"
"All interviews have been postponed until six o'clock. Is that still okay for you, hon?" The woman asked with a polite smile.
"Y-yeah. Sure. I'll be back then I suppose." Sydney agreed, wondering what would make an interview run so late.
"See you at six."
  Syd turned back towards the exit, relief and self doubt swirling violently inside her.
You shouldn't be here.
You have nothing to offer.
You're nobody.
  Getting back into the truck she drove for a little while around the neighboring community, finally deciding to have coffee at a small shop that wasn't currently filled to capacity with customers. She parked and walked in to the establishment, ordering her usual black coffee on the go. She had exactly two dollars in her purse, and some change that she dug out from in between the seats, which allowed her just enough to purchase the coffee that she knew she didn't really need. Once she had received her drink she made her way out of the small shop, her nose in the newspaper clipping from a few day's before. She went out the door and rounded the corner just in time to smack right into someone passing by. The hot black coffee she'd just ordered spilled its contents all over the side of the white band tee she was wearing for her interview.
"Shit!" She gasped, her skin burning.
"Woah... are you okay?"
She looked down at the man she'd run into as he scooped up the old newspaper section she'd dropped. His hair was curly, and long. He brushed it away from his face as he stood, and Syd found herself gazing up into a pair of incredible bright blue eyes. The breath caught in her throat at their intensity, taking in his chiseled jaw line and full lips.
"I... yeah." She breathed, trying to calm her nerves.
As if her stress level wasn't high enough she now had a ruined shirt, no money, and had just humiliated herself in front of one of the most gorgeous guys she'd ever met. She had no interest in meeting anyone, but there was no way she could deny the fact that he was incredibly good looking. Those eyes... she'd never seen anything like them.
"You sure?" The man smiled, and she forced herself to tear her gaze away from his.
"No. I mean yeah, um- I'm... I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
"I'm good." He assured.
"Good. I wasn't even paying attention. Thank you by the way..." She pointed to her newspaper clipping that he still held in his hand.
"Oh... yeah, no problem."
The man stepped forward as he handed it back to her, and she was struck by the way he towered over her small frame. Despite his unreal eyes and his kind smile, he intimidated her. Most men did, but especially this man and for more than one reason. He couldn't be much older than she was.
"What's his name?" She asked shyly, offering a hand to the dog at his side.
"Bill." The man answered, one corner of his lips raising.
"He's cute."
"Ehhh... he sure seems to think so. Took me half an hour to get him out of the lake and into the car earlier."
She laughed, now scratching Bill behind the ears. It was a moment before he finally broke the silence.
"Do... um- do you like... have somewhere that you need to be any time soon?" He asked. His voice had a gentle, soothing richness to it.
"Right now? Uh, no... I did, but it got postponed for a few hours. So I'm just killing some time."
"Cool... Maybe I can replace that coffee for you."
"You don't have to do that- it was my fault."
"So? I'd still like to replace it. You just said yourself that you've got nowhere to be for a little while."
Sydney let out a nervous sound, not wanting to accept his invitation. She didn't know him, and she wasn't exactly a socialite. Yet, a nagging piece of her felt drawn to him. She didn't know why, but there was a strangely irresistible desire deep inside her to spend just a little more time in his presence.
"Don't worry, I'm not trying to pick you up or anything. I have a girlfriend. I just feel bad that you spilled yours." He smiled reassuringly.
"Oh!" She breathed, feeling both relieved and disappointed at the same time. "Um, okay. Sure."
She forced herself to smile through her nervousness. Just then she remembered her stained shirt, looking down and pulling at the bottom hem. It was only a palm sized brown stain that covered her right hip, but it was painfully obvious.
"Shit... the shirt..."
"It's just a stain. Who cares? Hopefully it comes out though, that's a cool shirt."
"Oh... yeah, their drummer is phenomenal."
The smile that had been haunting his lips widened then, brightening up his face in a way that made her unable to keep from smiling herself.
"Copeland is next level. I could only dream of being able to emulate that kind of talent."
"Do you play drums?" She asked curiously, the hem of her shirt still tangled in her fingertips as she looked up at him.
"Yeah... I mean, I mess around." He smirked.
"Thats cool... I've never even tried to play the drums." She admitted. "I'm not worried about going in there, really. It's just- I had an interview after this. I was already thinking I was crazy for even going, but now it's like it's not even meant to be. I'm most likely just going to head back home and find something else. Something more... practical."
"Here."
He shrugged the faded blue and green flannel he wore off of his shoulders and offered it to her. She reached a hand out, their fingers brushing against each other as she hesitantly took it from him. Trying to ignore the electric pull she felt toward him, she shot him an inquisitive look.
"Just tie it.. you know."
He indicated his hands around his hips. She tied the sleeves around her waist, which hid the coffee stain completely.
"Look at that, simple solution to a complex problem."
Syd laughed softly, still feeling unsure.
"What's the job?" He asked, genuinely curious.
"Um... guitar tech. For a local band."
"You know how to do that stuff?" He asked.
"Would I be applying if I didn't?" Syd countered, narrowing her eyes.
"Fair enough." He smirked as he tied Bill to a table and led the way back into the coffee shop.
They ordered their coffees and sat at one of the small outdoor tables. It was a cool little shop, old albums decorating the walls inside and The Beatles playing softly over the speakers. They sat in surprisingly comfortable silence for a few moments, throwing each other shy glances over the table top.
"I love this song." Syd spoke up eventually.
"Me too. There isn't a Beatles song that I've heard that I haven't liked." He agreed, rotating his mug on the table.
"Really?"
"Mmhmm. I stole an old box of Beatles albums from my neighbor's basement when I was a kid. I would sit alone in my room and listen to them over and over."
"Sounds like a good time." She said.
He couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not but her smile was kind.
"It was. I was kind of a loner... still am, actually."
"That's something we have in common then. When I was a kid I made it a point to find places where nobody could find me. I'd hide for hours... until I got hungry and went home."
"What did you do? While you were spending hours alone I mean."
"Nothing really."
"You just don't want to tell me." He said, a mischievous glint in his eye.
"No... I really didn't do much of anything. I grew up in Moclips. There's nothing to do there besides going to the beach even if I wanted to. It's either that or party... but that wasn't really my scene."
"So what... you really just laid around on the beach and did nothing?"
She shrugged her slender shoulders, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Yeah.... sometimes on the beach. Or on a roof. I'd play the ukulele, or write. Sometimes I literally did nothing. If it got too cold or too wet I would sit in my dad's truck and listen to the radio. He used to get so mad at me for killing the battery. I learned how to jump a car before I could reach the pedals I think."
  She laughed at the memory of her late father and he smiled, watching her intently. She was startlingly pretty, with big, observant green eyes and freckles splattered cutely across her summer sun- bronzed skin. Her light blonde hair was wavy and wild, reaching all the way down passed her shapely hips. She reminded him of a stereotypical Californian beach girl... except for a certain level of broodiness he sensed from her. He noted that she wasn't dressed in fancy clothing, nor did she have seven layers of precisely applied makeup on her face.
"So when you weren't busy killing your dad's truck battery you were alone?"
"Well... yeah, aside from school and work. My dad and I lived in a little old Winnebago that was falling apart. I stayed out as long as I could. Small town means small choices as far as finding friends, so I found comfort in being in my own head. It's all just a weird, loud cacophony of different thoughts and sounds. There's something therapeutic about listening to my own heart beat, my own blood rushing through my veins... hearing the disorder of the world outside my head and the disorder inside of it at the same time."
His brows furrowed for a moment, and she instantly felt embarrassed. She had gotten carried away again. It always happened when she got to actually talking... she would end up over sharing to the point that people thought she a was weird.
"Cacophony." He said after a few seconds, as if he was sampling the word. "I like that. It reminds me of something I read one time. 'I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.'"
"You know Sylvia Plath?!" Syd asked incredulously.
"Does that surprise you?" He asked, that disarming smile playing over his lips again.
"Yes." She confessed.
  He laughed loudly.
"Didn't you ever hear not to judge a book by its cover?"
  She didn't reply, unable to read him. She wondered how long it would take him to excuse himself from her company and escape back to his girlfriend, whoever that lucky girl might be. Syd sat back in her chair, holding his steady and inquisitive gaze as they both sipped their coffee. It was easy to get lost there, her stomach felt as though it was doing frenzied flips around her rib cage.
"You said you were interviewing with a local band... which one?" He asked.
"Um... Soundgarden. I saw this ad in the paper and, I don't know. I sold just about everything I had and talked my best friend into moving up here into this shitty apartment with no guarantee that I'll even land this job."
  The man smiled widely just then, almost as if he wanted to laugh.
"What?" She asked. "Have you heard of them?"
"Oh yeah. I've even seen a few of their shows. Their lead singer is unbelievable." He said, his smile now so wide that she could see each one of his perfect teeth behind his full lips.
"I know! I've only heard one of their songs... the one that was on the college radio station recently on Deep Six called All Your Lies?"
"Yeah I know that one."
"The guitar is what drew me in... but the vocals really just sealed the deal for me. I used my friend's Walkman to record part of it over an old cassette tape and I've listened to it over and over. I don't know... something about his voice just stuck with me. It pulled me all the way here. I can't really explain."
  He didn't say anything in response, fearing that the laughter would erupt from him if he did.
"Anyway... when I saw the ad a week later I had to come. At the time it felt like it was fate, but now that I'm here... I don't know. I guess I kind of feel like a pet store goldfish that got dropped into the middle of the ocean. I have no business being here."
"I thought you said you knew your way around a set?"
"I do. Music is one of the very few things my father and I bonded over. He worked at a bar that hosted local bands, and the owner was his best friend. I always helped set up the stage and helped out the bands that came through. The stage is my home."
"So why don't you feel like you can do the same thing for Soundgarden?"
  She examined his flawless face for a few moments, wondering why he was still here, actually interested in what she had to say about her mundane upbringing. She also wondered why she felt like she could tell him anything. Maybe it was the fact that he was looking at her now without one shred of judgement in his mesmerizing eyes.
"There's so many reasons." She shrugged. "The biggest one, this industry doesn't seem to have a whole lot of room for women... usually their sole purpose is to drool over and fuck the rockstars after the show."
  He shrugged, nodding his head.
"Unfortunately that's a fair point." He agreed.
"There's also the fact that I have no real experience to put on a resume. I wasn't paid, I wasn't even of age to be in that bar. I did it because I enjoyed it."
"Sounds to me like you need to convince your future employer that you belong there."
"And how would I do that? I'm not ON stage to entertain. I wouldn't have any idea what that looks like."
"You said that the stage was your home. So make every stage your home. Make your employer feel as though she's a guest on the same stage that she contracted."
"She? How did you know that their manager was a woman?" Syd asked.
"I've been following the Seattle scene my whole life. Their manager is just a few blocks from here."
  It was a bold almost lie. He knew she would be mad if she got the job and realized that he himself was the very vocalist that she was so fond of, but at the moment he didn't care. She was adorable. He had a girlfriend but he still felt like he wanted to stay here and talk with her all night.
"She's tough, I've heard. Just like you said, the industry isn't as gender inclusive as it should be. She's had to be tough to get to where she is. You're going to have to be tough if you want to get to where you want to go." He added.
Sydney's brows raised slightly. It was honest, useful advice.
"Do you want it bad enough?" He asked.
"I do."
"Then don't take no for an answer. Show her that she'd be an idiot to hire anyone else."
The unlikely pair talked for hours, mostly about music. They were absolutely enthralled with one another. Dinner hour came, and Syd's stomach gave a loud groan.
"Do you want something to eat?" The man asked her.
"Oh, no I'm okay." She lied as her stomach lurched noisily again.
He heard the hungry growl, suppressing a laugh as he got up and ordered himself a deli style sandwich. Coming back to the table, he offered half of it to her.
"I'll never be able to finish this myself." He lied. "If you don't eat this half I'm throwing it in the trash after I give Bill the turkey."
"Wouldn't want to waste good food. Thank you." She said, taking the other half.
They ate in comfortable silence for awhile, both watching the people around them that came in and out of the small coffee shop. As Syd chewed the last bite, her eyes trailed over the large clock on the wall.
"Fuck!" She exclaimed loudly, standing up and knocking a water glass to the ground. "Oh...no, dammit."
She knelt and began to swipe the glass shards away from Bill, slicing her fingertip. The other diners glared at her in disapproval.
"What's wrong?" The man asked, kneeling down across from her and grabbing her hand.
  Using a napkin from the table, he wrapped it around her bleeding finger.
"My interview... I have to leave. I should have left five minutes ago." She forced the explanation out of her throat despite the butterflies she felt with his large hands holding hers.
"Go. I've got this." He said to her, a reassuring tone to his voice.
"No! I feel bad. I have to clean this mess."
"I said I've got it." He told her, grabbing both of her hands in his as an employee rushed over to help take care of the mess. "Go get your dream job."
She looked up into his stunning eyes, and saw sincerity there. He wasn't faking it. He genuinely wanted her to succeed.
"Okay... if you're sure-"
"Go!" He urged, nodding toward the exit with a smile. "Show the world what it's missing."
"Thank you." She breathed, squeezing his hands before letting them go.
"Anytime."
With great reluctance she rose off of the floor and made a beeline to her truck. She threw one last glance through the window at the man who was too gorgeous to be real, and took his smile that he offered all the way with her to the small studio a few blocks away. As she threw her truck into park in front of the office building once more, she felt an almost unbearable amount of anxiety.
She walked into the reception area, noting the one man that sat waiting in the lobby. Trodding herself up toward the desk, she said,
"Hello. I'm Sydney Lee and I'm here to fill the Soundgarden Tech position."
"Okay honey, take a seat. Sue will be out shortly."
She did as she was told, taking a hesitant seat in the lobby. The one man that was there got called in first, and she sat on pins and needles during his interview. When he came back out of the office, he was accompanied by a woman that she presumed was Susan Silver. They were laughing and smiling as they shook hands, and Syd's heart dropped.
"Alright, Sydney Lee- oh." Susan stopped at the sight of the tiny blonde girl that stood and approached her. "Sorry, for some reason I saw your name and I guess I just assumed you were a man. Hi, I'm Susan. If you'll come in here so we can chat."
"Hello." Sydney responded, shaking her hand and following her into the tidy office.
"May I please look over your resume?" Susan asked once they had sat down.
"Um... I don't have a resume."
"You don't?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at the blonde who shook her head. "Do you have any experience?"
"Yeah, I grew up helping my dad's best friend set up for local bands he booked in his bar."
Susan didn't respond right away, only staring at the girl as if she had two heads. Sydney felt an inch tall in this woman's presence. The anxiety and negativity she had felt swirling inside of her all day was now crashing like stormy ocean waves inside her bones.
"Do you have any formal experience or training in the industry?"
"N-no."
"I'm sorry Sydney. I just don't think you're the right fit for what Soundgarden needs at the moment." Susan said, standing up from her chair and offering a hand out to Sydney once again.
Sydney's ears began to ring at the rejection, and she prepared to stand up and politely thank the woman before going home and busting into her savings for a cheap bottle of vodka. At that moment however, a velvety voice rang through her mind.
Don't take no for an answer. Show her that she'd be an idiot to hire anyone else.
"Wait." She said, a little louder than she'd meant.
Susan paused, her eyes dialed on to Sydney.
"I'm qualified for the job, ma'am. I can promise you that."
"While I'm impressed that you are one of the few who returned for the interview after I had to postpone it for so long, the other gentleman that I just interviewed is way more qualified to be a roadie in this sort of band. Not only does he have real experience, but he's a guy. He can take road life."
"Why is it that you think I can't handle life on the road just because I'm not a man?" Sydney countered, surprising herself at her own boldness. "You of all people should know what it's like to be a woman getting a foot in with this industry."
"This is a band that's just now starting to get off the ground. They have a huge potential, and that means hard work. It means long road trips spent shoulder to shoulder with sweaty men and limited showers. Vast knowledge of equipment beyond just tuning a guitar, an ear for music, and a love for what they are doing. Do you have any of that?"
"I have all of that." She said stubbornly, standing from her own chair.
Susan looked at her doubtfully. This tiny girl would drown in her world. She opened her mouth to reject the girl again but was cut off.
"Look, I know you're just doing what you think is right for a band you've poured your time and expenses in to. But I assure you that I know what I'm doing. I set up, took down and repaired all of the sound equipment in my dad's bar for every show they had. That included a show by The Melvins, who had nothing but positive feedback for me. In high school I ran all the sound equipment for every assembly, every talent show, even when the office had issues with the PA system they called me out of class to fix it. I guarantee that I can do whatever it is that they need done. I can completely restring and tune a guitar in two and a half minutes flat. I'll keep the tubes and chassis perfectly dust free, and all the lines organized. I was an only child to a single father who wished he had boys.... I grew up in a shitty Winnebago full of sweaty men playing guitar until my father died and I sold it to come here for this job."
  Susan was taken aback by her sincerity, and her stubbornness.
"Just let me do one show. If I don't do well, you don't even have to pay me for my time. Just give me a chance! Hasn't anyone ever given you a chance? I promise I won't sleep until I've gotten everything right. I'll spend every free moment that I have learning what I need to do to make Soundgarden a succes-"
"Okay!" Susan said, holding up a hand as her pager went off. "Alright, that's enough."
  She checked the pager and sighed.
"You up to meeting the band tonight?"
  Sydney was so shocked she almost forgot how to breathe.
"S-sure?" She agreed.
"This will be a sort of working interview. The band plays tonight at the Rainbow, and I'm overdue to be there for setup."
"I can do it." She said, forcing her confidence to shine through her self doubt.
"Okay. Do you have a car?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Good. You can follow me to the venue."
  Susan got up and led the way out of the room, and as Sydney followed her she felt bewildered at her own sagacity. She had stood her ground and it had actually worked. She had her chance, now all she had to do was prove it.