Everything happens in threes. If that's so, he must be on a new set.
After the Okigawa mission, Kakashi had been carried back to Konoha by his teammate (Sakura would never let him live down the fact that his 'little girlie student' was able to drag his ass all the way back to Leaf by herself). He still remembers the looks on the villagers' faces as they came trudging through the gates, and his cheeks still burn from Guy and Naruto's expressions of absolute smugness and disbelief. He can still hear the snickers sounding from behind his back...
However, this was the least of the copy ninja's problems. Whatever substance Okigawa's escort had nicked him with had a lasting effect, and Sakura made sure to bring both him and the kunai back to Leaf to examine (how quaint to know you'll be traveling for three days with the very thing that paralyzed you), and once they ascended the steps to Tsunade's office to debrief, the toxin - not Kakashi - was the first thing to be discussed.
It was not unlike anything they had encountered before, as many similarities between it and other paralysis-inducing toxins were present within its makeup, and yet both Hokage and apprentice struggled to find an appropriate antidote, let alone an identity or source for the toxin. An Anbu squad had been sent out to recover any survivors or escapees from their battle, as well as any clues that might lead to an antidote. But that had been two days ago now; Kakashi was beginning to wonder if the paralysis would simply run through his system and wear off on its own before an antidote was even discovered at this point.
All of this, however, proved to be the least of his problems. Kakashi was allowed to remain home until an antidote was found, but under one condition: he must have one medical nin on duty to monitor him at all times until said antidote could be administered.
And that medical nin just so happened to be Sakura Haruno.
"Kakashi, where the heck are your washcloths?"
He inwardly cringes from his place on the couch in his living room, staring up at the ceiling. He sighs.
"Kitchen. Top left drawer."
Clattering, then: "Ah! Got it!"
Good God. What the hell had he gotten himself into?
He hears Sakura enter the room, staring down at him from behind the couch. "Who the heck only has two washcloths?"
He doesn't look at her, just continues to stare at the dusty ceiling. "Someone who's hardly ever home to make their house dirty?"
She scoffs, rounding the couch as she dries her hands. She'd just finished washing all of his dishes - which had been sitting in his sink for who knew how long, but he wouldn't get into that - and so he'd mentally prepared himself for the verbal onslaught that he knew was coming.
"Really, Kakashi? When's the last time you dusted? Mopped? Bathed?"
This earns her a sidelong glance, and even with his paralysis, he can't pass up the chance at a good joke. "Never. Never. And now, if you're willing."
She doesn't blush - she's too used to his perverted attitude at this point - but she does roll her eyes. "Geez. What am I gonna do with you?"
He looks back up at the ceiling; his neck and head seem to be the only things he can actually control. "Love me, feed me, never leave me."
This time she does laugh, a short, loud bark of humor, and he smiles beneath his mask. "Hey now, I'm not your maid! I'm just here to make sure you don't kill yourself until we find an antidote."
His brow furrows and he once again turns his head to face her. "How the hell am I gonna kill myself when I can't even move?"
She sputters, clumsily backtracks. "Wha- I- y- you know what I mean! What if you accidentally fall off the couch and bash your head on the corner of the coffee table? Or start having a seizure as a result of the toxin? Or go into spontaneous cardiac arrest? I don't know, I just don't want you to die, okay?!"
