"Hey, Kakashi? Can I ask you something?"
Sakura hands him a freshly scrubbed plate, which he kindly takes and rinses off in the sink. They've been doing dishes together for about three and a half months now, something he has never pictured as 'fun' (or even necessary, given his profession) but after his star pupil had informed him that paper plates were no excuse to not wash the dishes, he's been graced with her presence once a week to make sure everything is put away and in order. She'll never figure out that he purposely dirties a few more than need be, but honestly, he sees no harm in getting her to stay a little while longer.
"Ask away."
She chews her lip and sighs, and he already knows it's gonna be a tough one.
"Well...so you know how Hisashi and I have been going on missions lately, right?"
Oh, great. He already doesn't like where this is going.
"Mhm."
"And...well, we've been spending a lot of time together, so...we've sort of become friends."
"Yeah."
She quickens her pace without knowing it, and hands him two, three clean dishes to rinse and dry.
"And...and Kakashi, he asked me out!"
Her sentence ends in a frustrated rush and he can tell just how distraught she really is over the whole thing, which tells him her question is either one of two things; she's either accepted and regrets it, or is contemplating accepting. He sincerely hopes for neither, and would much rather prefer to hear of a complete and total rejection on her part. But oh, well. Wishful thinking tends to be just that.
"Okay," he answers, careful to keep his voice level and his tone calm. He wipes off a handful of silverware and places it in the rack on the counter to dry. "And you're asking my opinion because...?"
She grunts in frustration, slapping her hands against the rim of the sink and fixing him with an open-mouthed glare. "Ugh! Because I don't even know if I should say yes or not!"
Kakashi looks down at her with raised brows; he really is surprised to see her so stressed, and over a boy she hardly knows, nonetheless. Still, he has to be the grownup in the situation and approach her dilemma logically and with common sense. Even if he would rather see the Uchiha/Sai wannabe burn in the fires of his own jutsu.
"Well, that all depends. Do you like this boy, this...Hisashi?"
Oh, no. He's already going into the dad monologue.
Sakura considers his words. "Well...he's really nice and sweet..."
"And do you see this relationship going anywhere?" He furthers, trying his damndest to keep the pessimism out of his tone. "Can you picture yourself settled down with him, having a family with him? Do you feel he'd be a good father to your children, and teach them right from wrong? What about his family connections? Does his clan have a good reputation?"
Though he's not exactly as gentle as he would like to believe in his delivery, he knows he's getting his point across. Still, how very odd of someone like Sakura to be held back by such things. She was the type to think everything through. Be it her mission or her outfit for the day.
"This isn't like you, Sakura. You're always sure of yourself, always thinking ahead. What's really the matter here?"
Sighing forlornly, Sakura dips her head and takes in a breath. "I just...I just don't know if I'm...ever...really gonna be over Sasuke."
Ah. And therein lies the problem.
"Ahhh. I see. So you're wondering if you should experiment with this boy, see if your feelings toward him are real."
With no other way to respond, Sakura nods. "...I just don't want to make a mistake. I'm twenty years old, not married, no kids...Sasuke's not the same anymore, and Hisashi is nice...so maybe I should just give him a chance. It's not like anyone else wants me."
Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that, he thinks, but of course doesn't say.
Because why would he? Why on earth would he, when he's never had the gall to speak his truth thus far?
It's been a year, his brain suddenly reminds him. It's been over a year. Say something.
"I just don't want to make the wrong choice and end up with an outcome I don't want...and even though I feel like I'm over Sasuke, like I know there's someone else out there for me...I'm just not sure if I should take the chance and...put myself out there only to be made a fool of."
Now's your chance. Say it.
She lifts her head, looks up at him with those pretty green eyes. "Can you imagine that? Not being able to be with the person you're actually in love with?"
Oh, he can.
"Kakashi...what do you think I should do?"
He bites his lip beneath his mask, steeling himself for his reply even as his conscience pleads with him to stop.
No. No no. Don't say it. Don't you dare say it...
"I think you should do whatever your gut tells you to. And...if you feel that Hisashi is a possible source of happiness for you...then you should accept his offer and let him court you."
You just said it.
Her reaction is hardly what he expects; her expression falls and her eyes dim just the slightest bit, and Kakashi is no fool to see that she is disappointed. But why? Wasn't this the answer she wanted him to give in the first place?
Now you've done it.
And yet still, he doesn't mention it, doesn't outwardly acknowledge the sadness in her gaze or the pursing of her lips, as though she's about to cry. Because just like that it's gone, and suddenly she's bright and smiling and the sun has come out again to play, as though clouds were never an option.
"Thanks, Kakashi. I...I'll think about it."
"No problem."
They keep washing and rinsing and drying and putting away until they're done, but the atmosphere has changed, and Kakashi no longer wishes he would've dirtied so many unnecessary forks and spoons and plates and bowls and countless other things. He's angry with himself. Immensely.
And yet he can't complain.
He's not allowed.
Because he has quite literally done this to himself.
And he thinks about it, berates himself the rest of the time she visits and for hours after she leaves, and when he's finally lying in bed face up staring at the moonlit ceiling, he hopes and prays that she will tell that boy no, and he can finally get over himself and just admit to her how he feels.
But he knows that won't happen, because that would be too easy, and the life of Kakashi Hatake has never been easy. It has been pain, constant pain and suffering and disappointment and heartbreak and a million other things. But easy? Never.
And so, he sleeps, but all the while his thoughts are filled with her.
