Because I love you... | JJK

Thirteen- the ex

Chapter 13

I flatten the black dress I was wearing on my thighs as I glance at the clock once more. I had gotten here early so I can try and relax a bit but that didn't seem to help. I pull up my phone and glance at myself in the reflection I had my hair up today and did some light make up I wanted to look like I was doing just fine without him.

Which in reality I was,I had a great job and friends but for some reason I felt small and incompetent around him. That 'I'm not enough' feeling kept creeping in the back of my mind. It was hard to shake the feeling because I did in fact feel like I wasn't enough or like I didn't matter as much to him as he did to me. It honestly hurt.

"Wow you look beautiful"

I look up and see the man that I once loved and inhale sharply, I hated that he looked good. He still didn't know how to dress though, I chuckle looking over his attire and then get up to greet him. He pulls me in for a tight hug and my nostrils fill with his scent, I feel goosebumps all over my body. I missed that scent. I missed him and how easy we fit together.

"Seriously you look incredible"

I thank him and then we both take a seat "I got you a matcha latte, hopefully it's still your favorite" he smiles and nods his head "It is, I'm glad you remembered" we both take a sip of our drinks as silence slowly surrounds us. The air suddenly feels thin and I feel sweaty. "So I'm assuming you finished your service" I blurt out needing to cut the tension that was invading us.

"Yeah, this was my last year so I'm finally a free man"

I smile as does he, I know how badly he wanted out. "You with Jungkook these days?" I shake my head no and laugh "No why would you say that?" I watch as he shrugs and takes another drink "I just assumed you guys would start dating once I was gone. I hear him on the radio sometimes"

I smile at the thought of Jungkook "No were still just best friends, he's doing really well these days" he nods "I hear so are you" I raise a brow and tilt my head slightly confused.

"I gave you that nickname honey, I knew right away when I heard one of your songs on the radio. I thought maybe I was mistaken cause it wasn't your voice but it reminded me of us and sure enough your 'name' was in the notes of who wrote and produced the song"

I blush and look down at my lap, I had forgotten he gave me the nickname. "I'm
Proud of you y/n" I look up and see the sincerity in his eyes and it makes me want to cry. This was the man I fell in love with, not the crud one who left me suddenly and acted like I never existed.

"What happened?"

He looks taken back by my outburst, he sighs and leans back in his chair. "A lot happened, they took me off my depression medication and then they decided to deploy me to the Middle East for two years at most. I had to sign a no return document...I just felt like the world was caving in on me and that I was losing it. I knew it was unfair to make you wait longer for me, if I even came back at that...and honestly I was so out of my mind I didn't even think of you. I just wanted to end it all and I figured you would talk me out of it so I ended things. I know it's not the best excuse but everything happened so fast and you know I have bad luck so it was one thing after another..."

I feel my tear drop and I quickly look away to wipe it.

"That wasn't your decision to make, you promised me you would never leave me. I told you I would wait for you I didn't care how long you would be gone Dan. I loved you and I wanted to be with you and only you. We should of made that decision not you"

He looks away and I'm sure I sound stupid or even selfish because I knew about his mental state when we started dating but I had told him that I was willing to work and help him with anything he needed. I was patient and understanding always with him, so the fact that he didn't think I'd be there hurt more than anything else. He much like me had no one and we were each other support for so long...I just hated that I couldn't be the one to help him when he needed it most.

"I know, I didn't do things the right way and I'm sorry y/n I truly am. You were the love of my life and I still love you...but I know I fucked up and a lot happened over the next few years. I got married and I have a little boy now"

My heart drops.

"If I could do everything over and do it differently I would...because I know the life I would of had with you would have been everything I ever dreamed of"

Selfish. I felt so stupid and heart broken it was like he was breaking my heart all over again. But at the same time I couldn't help but feel like this was somehow my fault. I had prayed every night to bring him back to me and that if he wasn't meant to be mine to make him happy with another. He had always had a fucked up life and just needed to be loved.

"I'm happy for you Dan"

He smiles and I return it, my eyes glossy once more. "None of this was your fault y/n, you were the best thing to happen to me and I fucked it up. You were the first person to show me love and it was my fault for not knowing how to respond to it and I'm sorry."

I don't hold back, I let my tears silently fall as I stare at the man I once loved. He had hurt me so deeply and he doesn't even know to what extent. It's pointless to tell him about the baby now when he's happily moved on. I guess it's time I try and do the same.

"I'll always love you"

"As I will you"

~~~

🥺
I hate my life.
Enjoy.