How Did We End Up Here

Chapter 26

When school starts, everything just changes. I never see Alec anymore. Caspar joined another click, I was now the popular kid that everyone wanted to talk to.

It was weird for me, I've always been that shy pretty kid never that she's so cool and popular kid. Its like my world as I know it was changing.

And I wasn't sure if that was for better or for worse. "Have you seen him?" Luke asks concerned and I shake my head. I've been looking for Alec everywhere. I need to tell him how I feel. How my world is incomplete without him. How I miss him, how my world is changing without him and I don't like it but I can't find him anywhere.

+++

When I get home I had nothing fun to do so I decided to climb into Luke's room. When I'm inside I expect to see him on his bed playing his guitar but no, I see plops of blood on the floor.

"Luke don't tell me..." but before I can even finish my sentence he walks out with his arms cut once again.
"Luke why the hell are you doing this, everything has been going fine it's all been well why on earth are you cutting again!" I scream flinging my hands in the air.

He doesn't even answer me, he glances at me and back at his blade and I watch him try to make another slice. I rush my way towards him and try to grab the blade out of his hand but he has a very tight grip. I drag him all the way to his bathroom still fighting for the blade until when I finally get it I throw it on the floor. I glare at his blue eyes, I scold him with no verbal action around. I try to read what emotions are held in his eyes but they are all mixed.

He presses his lips on mine and I automatically return the forceful kiss as I open my mouth letting his tongue in. His hands move up my shirt and we make our way without separating our lips to his bed. He slips my shirt off and takes off my shorts as we continue kissing forcefully.

This wasn't I love you kisses nor where they I miss you kisses. These kisses where just excuses to be oblivious to the troubles that are held up in front of us, just to take away the pain. These are hate kisses and I know this is going somewhere I will not be able to control.

I fall to the bed and he follows suit on top of my working his hands around my body.

Once most of our clothes are on the floor he breaks away from me and closes his eyes.
"Put your shirt back on." He commands.

I feel used and cheap, I feel thrown away like he doesn't want me. I feel like the last piece of bread that you look at but never eat. And I hate it.

I slip my shirt back on and my shorts. "This is not what I wanted, just leave my room."

"Why Luke, so you can cut again! Luke stop this your killing me-"

"You think I'm killing you?"
He glares at me jaws clenched and eyes glistening. He chuckles low and glances at his arm, his expression changes so quickly it almost scares me. It's that look of realization you get, like all the problems on your life have just one answer that was what you just realized.

"Aveva..." He stares at his arms one more time and then back at me.

"You're killing me."

++++

After what happened last week I haven't spoken to Luke or any of my friends. I've been so distant it's starting to worry people I haven't ever even talked to before. When I'm walking in the halls people just tell me sorry. I don't even get it.

It's like I'm in some book that they are all reading and feeling for me like they fucking know what's going on.

I walk down the wall billing at the sleeves of my black hoodie so they cover my palms. As I'm walking I spot Alec.

My heart warms and up and I start feeling that emptiness I once had disappear. Until I notice he's not alone.

He's with her.

That bitch, that fucking ass whole that ruined everything. The memories cloud my mind as I remember walking down the stairs half drunk to find my boyfriend making out with some girl dressed almost exactly like me...

It all comes back. It's her, I can't believe Alec is with her.
It hurts so much, like someone took a chunk of my heart out.

I shakily walk over to him and once he spots me he hides something behind his back but it's too late cuz I already know what it it.

"Smoking Alec, come on I thought we were over this." I sigh and run my hand through my hair. He doesn't answer me but takes in the cigar and passes is over to the bastard he's standing with.

"Hi I'm Bambi remember me." she stretches her hand for me to grab it but I glare at it in disgust.

These were the same hands in your boyfriend's hair.

I remind myself. "Oh I know who you are." I reply coldly and she pushes her hand back slowly hurt.

Just what I wanted.

She hands it back to Alec and I watch him take out rings of smoke. I pull the cigarette out of his mouth and threw it on the floor stepping on it.

"Alec are you going to ignore me all day or are you going to talk to me, it's been over a month now what have you been doing." I ask stepping on his toes our faces inches apart so he's forced to make eye contact with me.

But he doesn't, he still looks away casually and it hurts me inside. "I've been busy." he practically whispers.

"With her?!" I jab my thumb at her pulling the most disgusted face ever. She glares at me but Alec gives her a reassuring look like he's saying don't bother she'd go away eventually.

"So is this how you want it to be?" I ask almost about to crumble to the ground. He grabs her arm and they both start to stalk off but I wasn't just going to let this happen.
I grab him by the shoulder letting his goodie shift back.

It's scaring me, he has that look, that look like, I give up. What more is there. He's not even wearing a leather jacket just a plane wine colored hoodie, like he's giving up on his own image.

We don't move, just stand there like we're frozen shut when my arm landed on his jacket.

"Well, you know all the time you've been avoiding me, yeah I wanted to tell you how fucked up everything really is without you. And guess what, Luke's cutting not only that I'm cutting too. And I so wanted to tell you that Cuz' I remember how before the summer I could lean on you. But I guess you were just too busy to answer any of my calls."

He doesn't move, but his eyes move. His eyes turn a warmer shade of green and he looks up at me for just a split second. I see memories but I don't know what memories cloud his eyes and like that the dark green is back. He holds Bambi and they stalk off.

Are they dating?
Just seeing there hands together sickens me. Those are the same hands that touched Luke and broke me.

These are the same hands that are breaking me.

A/n
HEYYYYY
BIG NEWS.
I've started some other books that will be up when this one is done so yeah yeah yeah. Didn't proof read this by the way.

What do you guys think is up to Alec?
I don't even know my self. *smirk face*

Happy Valentine

Xoxo