We'll Get There {AntiAverage} (ABANDONED)

18: ASE

974 words

I looked down at the little cake, watching the single candle burn as my family softly sang around me, and found myself smiling. I hadn't really anticipated enjoying whatever Chase was going to do for my birthday, but this was... surprisingly comfortable.

As the final verse of "Happy birthday Dear Anti" passed, I braced myself for the obnoxious 'cha cha cha!' that Chase always enjoyed to tag on to the end of the song, but it didn't come. When I blew the candle out Greyson clapped, and there were a few cheers of varying exuberance, but nothing else.

The group dispersed after a few seconds, people going in there own directions, and it was nice. No-one felt obligated to stay, or to watch me, or to give me any more special attention than necessary. God knows I'd gotten enough. Marvin, JJ, and Robbie stuck around a bit longer to collect cake, while the kids had parked themselves at the table, and that was it.

"So, are you, um... excited for Halloween?", I asked the youngest of the Brodys, taking the smallest bite of my slice.

Grey toothily grinned, frosting already smeared around his mouth, "Yeah! I'm gonna to be Spider-Man!" He made a symbol and flung his wrist out, and Trey pretended to get hit with something.

"Thats fun. I still haven't watched the new one.", I paused for a moment, glancing at Chase for assistance. I liked these kids, but I could barely manage to talk to adults.

He gave me an encouraging smile, before turning to his son, "Spider-man's still your favorite, right?"

The kid furiously nodded, and I debated wether or not giving him the portion of sweets that he'd been given was smart. "He's awesome!", Greyson's declared, smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

"As someone who's been forced to watch all the MCU movies he's in on repeat, I can confirm he's telling the truth.", Trey tagged in, already moving to toss his paper plate away. "Including on the way here, by the way..."

He seemed uneasy, like something was on his mind. Then again, he'd been like this since he'd arrived. The last time we'd seen each other hadn't exactly been under... good circumstances. I remembered the kid screaming, crying for his mom as I left in particles. And I remembered the way her blood felt beneath my hands, underneath my fingernails, washing off under a Gas-N-Sip bathroom tap.

But most importantly I remember why I did it. The rage, the hatred, and the gut-wrenching fear that I'd felt when Jackieboy had carried Chase out of the bathroom. How helpless I'd been in the entire situation. I needed someone to blame, and she was quite obviously that person. She might as well have pushed the blade into his hands.

I remembered how I trembled upon seeing her again, when she started yelling, and I suddenly longed for that part of me back. I was... dangerous. I was a force to be reckoned with. And now I couldn't even handle answering a door on my own.

A prick of anger bubbled to the surface, breaking apart the raw, unchallenged fear that twisted my gut when I thought of Die.

There had been an ongoing conversation which I processed in the back of my mind, in which Chase insisted Grey go wash his face. Grey disagreed, however, and now that his plate was empty he made a mad dash. He was followed by Chase, who was laughing too much to be mad, and they disappeared up stairs.

This left Trey and I alone together, avoiding each other's eyes from opposite heads of the table.

After a beat passed, the boy spoke.

"Hey, Anti?"

I startled, only just managing to suppress a flinch, "Y-uh, Yes?"

He paused, seeming to steel himself before continuing. "Why did you do it?", he asked, throwing me through a short loop.

I knew exactly what he meant, of course, and if I was being honest I'd expected him to bring it up sooner, but it still made my mouth go dry. Maybe I'd thought he'd forgotten it; after all, he hadn't seemed all that hostile. After what I did to him, I'm surprised he even held a civil conversation while in the room with me.

"I... well, I don't know what you remember. But you- your parents were getting divorced, and Stacy wasn't letting your Dad see you guys.", I hesitantly explained, looking at my hands as I wrung them on my lap.

"Yeah, I remember. Mom called him right after we left the house, and I didn't talk to him for a while.", he recalled, like it was nothing. Like it hadn't been the single most detrimental thing to happen to Chase since they'd come into being.

"Well, um... Chase... it really messed him up. He... hurt himsœlf. Really bad. And it wasn't looking toø great. I was trying to get back in the circle æt that point, so I was there for the whole thing.", I said, glancing up to gage Trey's reaction. He seemed mildly horrified by this discovery.

"I was... angry, mostly. Really angry. But I was scared, too, and Ī-I didn't really know what tœ do.", I paused. "I really do regret what I did. And I can't image what I put you through. I'm... I'm sorry, Trey."

Even if I did regret it, I couldn't tell him I'd change anything given the choice. It was a decision I'd made that had negative repercussions, and I had to live with it now. In the end, it had given Chase his kids.

Trey sat in stunned silence. I expected him to yell, or leave the table, or cry, something. Instead, he just looked at a spot on the wall, expression a surprised sort of blank.

"Oh."