Unfit to Be the Heroine

The Part Never Shown

I nearly dropped the bottle of ink when I reached the park. I didn't ask for Iwami for paper bags because that will just add to the trash inside my house. Going back, my feet stepped back as soon as I see that figure breaking down. I had never seen that person in such a state. Why are there tears on that person's face? Why does it look painful to look at? I can hear sobs and decided to hide behind the post which I calculated was huge enough to hide my frame. They were just a few meters away but the silent park made it possible for me to listen to their conversation. 

So, I can't help but compare myself to that person. What part of him did she find more appealing than mine?

Uhm. That's inevitable, right?

If I become like him, would she come back to me? I tried to change my image only to receive the news that she's getting married. 

Ah. That's what you meant by that. 

What?

Rin-rin said you told her that Saotome is no longer "Saotome". 

Kawamatsu, right? We went to have a flower viewing and I told her that. 

This is bad. I haven't told Nanami about the details. She'll be pestering me later. I don't need to hear more to understand what is happening. 

Say, Ishikawa. What should I do?

I'm glad I wasn't the one he asked about it. 

I don't know. 

That's your answer?!

I don't know what you're supposed to do but thank you for telling me. That's why let's do our best to figure it out together. 

Ishikawa, you're easy to talk to. 

He's right. 

I understand your pain, Kai. If you're hurt, then get hurt. If you feel happy, then do so. It's not your fault why you're hurt and it will not be your fault if you want to be happy as well. 

You mean we just have to go through it, right, Nanami? How about you? My phone rang and I wanted to slap myself for hiding. I look suspicious this way. "Rin-rin!", Nanami called out my name. I peeked and saw that they are already looking in my direction. 

Nanami's eyes finally landed on me. She nodded and patted Hiroshi's shoulder. He covered his face and looked in the opposite direction. Did I just ruin something? Nanami called for me. I slowly walked towards them and sat beside Nanami. She's in the middle of Hiroshi and me. "It's a good thing that the convenience store is selling ink", Nanami broke the silence that created suspense for two minutes. 

"I can go ahead", I cleared my throat. "Sorry for ruining your plan", Hiroshi's hoarse voice was an unusual thing for me. All I could see is his back. Should I say something? If I open my mouth, will it make sense?

"It's a relief", I clasped my hands together. Nanami coughed. She was looking at me with a confused look. "I never thought that I could see this side of Hiroshi. I thought there are no reasons for you to be crying or moping around", I continued. Nanami seems to raise a red flag but she just smiled. I am also surprised that I am saying my thoughts aloud. "I was listening and I get what's happening. Whatever you are feeling or thinking now, I think you did nothing wrong", I stood up and walked to be in front of Hiroshi. "You're not a loser, Hiroshi", I smiled. His eyes widened. 

You're not a loser. 

"I am just giving back your words", I cleared my throat and faced the other direction. Whenever I felt like giving up, those words resound in my ear. Nanami chuckled and slapped my back. Someone stood up and walked just a few inches away from me. "Thank you, Kawamatsu", he whispered, and the sound of his footsteps indicated that he's moving away. For some reason, my heart beat faster felt a rush on my hand to grab on his sleeve. I widened my eyes as soon as I realized whose sleeve I was tugging. "Rin-rin?", I heard Nanami's surprised voice. 

What am I doing?

I slowly removed my grip. Hiroshi nodded and still continued to walk away. I went to the side and bang my head on the post. Nanami fastly massaged my forehead. "Hey, what are you doing?", she panicked. "What am I doing? Nanami", I bit my lower lip. "Were you relieved?", Nanami asked with a short laugh. "What are you-", she cut my words. "Now that he's not with Saotome, maybe you would be a little bit more honest to yourself", Nanami shrugged. "Honest? You're not the one whom I wish to hear those words", I sighed. She laughed and placed her arms around me. "Tell me, do you still like Kai?", Nanami poked my side. I cleared my throat and ignored her statement. This feels like a Deja Vu. 

"I met Iwami-san a while ago. You know what he said. He asked for permission to just like me", I informed. Nanami stepped back and released me. "Nanami. What's wrong with liking someone?", I looked into her eyes. Her expression changed. Her eyes sank and the corner of her lips was turned upside down. "This is not about me. It's about you. Are you just going to let things this way?", I mustered the strength to open the topic. 

"Nanami? Rin?", we heard a familiar voice. I looked past Nanami and saw a person wearing a face mask and sunglasses. "Are you kidding me?", Nanami's face was all flustered. I walked past her. "Kaede-san, it's been a while. Are you taking a break?", I walked close to him. "Rin, you grew up for...what...some centimeters?", Kaede-san laughed and patted my head. "I was roaming around because we just finished shooting for a TV ad", he informed. "Nanami", he called out to her. Nanami ran away. As expected, she's fast. 

"My apologies, Kaede-san. It's just that she's not yet ready", I bowed. "No worries. Thank you for staying with her all this time", Kaede-san leaned on the wall. "Do you think she'll never come back to me? It's been 5 years since we broke up. You never also told me the reason", Kaede-san tilted his head. He's tall and his cool demeanor made me understand why he's popular with ladies. "Even if I know, I am not the right person to give it", I leaned on the wall as well. 

"It's very complicated, Kaede-san. To be liked and to like someone", I suddenly open. I saw that he flinched but ignored it. "That's surprising, Rin. You said you will never be like the mundane", Kaede-san chuckled. "That's why you right romantic mangas, right? You're good at it. I wonder how could someone with no romantic experience be that good. I will be auditioning for the live-action adaptation of your manga. Consider it an honor", Kaede-san boasted. "Whatever", I slightly pouted. 

Kaede-san opened my palm and wrote his phone number. "Excuse me, you could just have asked me for my phone", I was irritated. "I feel like doing this", Kaede-san waved goodbye. "Please, take care of Nanami for me. I'm sorry for being an incompetent person", he bowed very low then left. 

Now, where should I start looking for that girl?

When we started in High School, Nanami met Kaede-san backstage during his first concert. Kaede-san is an actor and singer at the same time. Nanami was a total fan. In high hopes, she waited backstage with me. For some reason, Kaede-san entertained her. I am not really sure how they started dating but they suddenly broke up 5 years ago.