Unfit to Be the Heroine

Don't Think I Can Make It

After the birthday party, I was asked by Yosaku-san to take a business trip to Okinawa. 

Next year, let's all visit a well-known shrine in Okinawa. 

Seated on the train with no one in front, I had the leisure to enjoy the serenity and watch the view outside. Yosaku-san was panicking when I left early during my dad's birthday because Reiko-san happened to see me and Hiroshi. Yosaku-san said he's so worried about losing another employee. I can describe him as someone with such a controlling attitude. Men like him should make more effort to find someone to marry. If he starts to get older, he'll be having a hard time with his issues. 

 I saw someone in my peripheral vision. He's wearing a thick muffler and his girlfriend is leaning on his chest. They make good material for my drawing. Should I take a picture? His girlfriend suddenly saw me and gave me a glare. Chill. I am harmful. I averted my stares and saw two elderly gigglings. My heart suddenly tightened. Romance. When I was in elementary, I looked at high school sweethearts with disgust. They should be studying and not flirting around. When Nanami went out with Kaede-san, I think I was a little enlightened on the thrill and the excitement it brings. 

When I saw Hiroshi and Saotome, I suddenly felt curious about how close they had become over a few months and how they were able to maintain three years. No, I am not someone who had trauma or phobia about a romantic relationship. Dad and Mom are peaceful couples and I never saw them fight, not in front of me. Lost in thoughts, I was suddenly brought back when the elderly man vomited blood. My legs suddenly moved to make me stand. I saw the elderly woman looking for something in the bag. I took some tissue from my bag and went to offer it to the old man. 

"Thank you, young lady", he smiled and took the tissue. The old woman passed a medicine. I was surprised by the amount of blood. "Are you sick, Sir?", I asked. "My husband had been diagnosed with stomach cancer. Every now and then, he vomits blood", she said with a trembling voice. Right, I think I have never experienced it. That's why when it won't work, I felt like I won't know how to deal with it. When you invest too much in someone...

 The train staff came to clean up the mess and blocked my brain from continuing the thought. The old couples kept apologizing to which the staff assured that it is alright. "You're not with someone, would you like to stay with us?", they invited. I hesitantly nodded but took my luggage and sat in front of them. 

"You're beautiful, young lady. My name is Erina, and he's Masaru", the old woman introduced. "Kawamatsu Rin, that's my name", I bowed my head. "Are you going to visit a friend?", Erina-san sounded excited to have a conversation. "I am going to Okinawa for a business trip", I explained. "You look young, I didn't know you're already working. My apologies", she covered her mouth. "That's alright", I nodded. "It's such a waste that someone is letting such a beautiful lady like you travel alone", Masaru shook his head. "Masaru~ You don't know. What if her boyfriend is as busy as she is. Please pardon my husband. He was like that when he was younger", Erina whispered the last one. 

"I heard that", Masaru slightly went red. My straight-lined mouth suddenly shifted into a smile. 

But then, though it's scary. I cannot ignore the fact that it's also heartwarming. 

"Could it be that we can catch the next shooting star together?"

"No way! That will be too romantic!"

People often romanticize what it means to be with someone you are attracted to. "Are you jealous, Rin-dear?", Erina-san asked. Was I obvious? "I don't have a lover, Erina-san. I think I'm fine with that", I smiled. "But don't you wish you also have one?", Masaru-san butted in our conversation. "Falling in love and being committed in such a relationship is scary", I said I said aloud. I looked at Erina-san's eyes. "I understand what you're trying to say", she nodded. "But that's part of it, young lady", Masaru-san crossed his arms. "You just have to learn your way through", he said without looking at me. 

That was a long ride and it's time to part with Erina-san and Masaru-san. I went out and sat down at the nearby bench. I called Yosaku-san to inform them that I already arrived in Okinawa. Mom and Dad are insisting on them to tag along since it'll be my first time to be traveling alone. This time,  Nanami cannot ask for a leave-in school. 

I carried my bag and walked upstairs. I was welcomed by the warm air. I still have three hours before the business meeting. I think there's a nearby shrine here.

After walking for some meters, I finally stood in front of a shrine entrance. When I was about to enter, I saw someone's back and it seemed familiar. My feet stepped back and wanted to disappear. It was too late. 

"Kawamatsu?". 

"Ah, Hiroshi-san". 

"I was here to pay a visit. Fancy meeting you here", he scratched his nape. "I was asked by my boss to attend the business meeting. I didn't know you will also be here", I tried to act calm. "Want to join me?", Hiroshi invited. I hesitated by it's more awkward to reject his offer. 

His walking is slow. Is he trying to match my pace? I can't walk too fast because I'm wearing heels. "I never saw you wear anything other than uniform before", Hiroshi opened. "Yosaku-san told me to pay attention to how I dress. I will be meeting one of his important partners", I explained. "You look great", Hiroshi commented. How I wish I could also commend his fresh look with his white polo and three-fourths. He's wearing his hair in a man-bun. "How many days will you be here?", he asked. "Just for one day. Yosaku-san asked me to stay longer and look for a souvenir but...", I covered my mouth because I found myself being talkative. 

"Why don't you stay? It's a very beautiful place", Hiroshi nodded in agreement to what he said. There are just a few visitors today. I looked at the bamboo surrounding the shrine. "Do you believe in ghosts?", Hiroshi stopped walking. I crashed into his back. "My apologies", he chuckled. I made a distance and tried to peek in front. "I don't", I answered while looking at the old shrine. 

I sat on the nearby stone chair and so with Hiroshi. He passed me a bottle of sports drink. "I was thirsty a while ago", he opened his. Did he buy two bottles? He might have noticed me looking at the bottle. " I bought two because I might get thirsty again", he explained. Was this supposed to be for Saotome if she was here?

I opened it and give my thanks. There was a moment of silence. "Four years ago, we promised that we will visit this place", Hiroshi opened. Oh, he still remembered that day. "So, this was the place?", I felt like my heart is racing once more. "Say, Kawamatsu. What did she say in that cafe?", Hiroshi asked. My heart seemed to jump off my chest. "You knew?", I sighed. "I saw Mito and the baby so I guessed she was also there. It's already awkward to see him", Hiroshi's voice cracked. 

"Did you talk to him?", I asked. "No. I wasn't able to find words to tell him", his eyes sank deeply. "Hiroshi-san, how did it feel when Saotome was no longer yours?", I crouched my back and leaned my arms on my lap. I didn't have the courage to look at his eyes. "I was...really sad. No, I think sadness couldn't describe it perfectly", Hiroshi answered. "Is she someone you're fine scraping out of your life?", I finally looked at his eyes. "What-", he stood up and I saw his face suddenly turning red. I also stood up and kept my eyes glued on his. 

"-do you mean?", he stuttered. 

I stepped closer. "Hiroshi-san, you're someone who's near at being perfect. There were also times where I ask myself. What would you be in need of? Someday, Saotome will be able to tell you her reason. Is Saotome someone who's fine being scraped off your life?", I looked away. "No one... No one is fine being scraped off", his words made my eyes widened. "No one deserves that", his strong and huge hands grabbed on my shoulders. His bangs were covering his eyes. 

This is bad. 

"You're amazing, Hiroshi-san", I reached out to his face just to realize I was already cupping it. "You're just as amazing as you were before", I caressed his cheeks.