admiration [l.t]

xvi

[WHEN I'M VIEWING THIS THE WHOLE CHAPTER ISN'T POPPING UP SO I HOPE IT IS FOR YOU]

He was found by his roommate, Joey, curled up on the floor, mumbling incoherent words into his hands. He would not respond do his friend calling his name or asking if he was okay, he just sat there and stared down at the floor, lost in a trance at the cream carpet. But he soon stood up without a word and marched out of the room, fumbling with the door handle before immediately heading to the bathrooms. He felt it coming up his throat, he felt the burning sensation on his tongue, and that only gave him a few seconds to prepare before he was emptying his insides into the toilet in front of him.

It wasn't from the crying or the aching pain in his heart, and it definitely wasn't from something he had eaten, but instead he threw up from the nauseating feeling of not knowing. When he sat on his dorm floor, he thought about Bella and what she could possibly be doing at that moment, how she was probably out doing whatever she wanted. They hadn't seen each other in over a month, and Louis was sure she was not having troubles getting over him like he was to her. He may have only known her for a little longer than half a year, but it felt like so much longer than that.

Once almost everything had been emptied from his stomach, he just sat there on the cold, white tile. He wasn't sure for how long, but he just sat there.

The thing that brought him out of his daydreaming was the buzzing of his phone in his coat pocket. Blinking a few times to clear his vision from the tears, Louis grabbed his phone and held it up on front of his face.

Bella: how are you?

Maybe he should've cried over her words or maybe even feel a little bit of pain in his heart, but there was nothing. He just felt numb and he couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing.

Louis: im fine

He stood up slowly and walked back to his dorm, where he grabbed his keys and his wallet. And that's all he did for the rest of the day; drive around and ignore his phone.

1 MONTH LATER

Everything was okay. And when Louis says that, he actually means it. He's not abusing any substance to clear his mind nor is he pushing all thoughts aside just for them to chase him later. Those thoughts no longer exist, and everything is honestly okay.

When Bella texted him asking him if he was alright, he had to think about it. Because he had been convincing himself this whole time that he was fine, but deep down he knew he wasn't. That text made him want to really be okay.

They haven't talked to each other since then, but Louis is okay with that.

He's currently chilling in the book store, leaning back in a chair with his feet rested up on the counter, rereading a book he has read a thousand times. The occasional customer walks in, followed by the chiming of a bell, and every so often Louis has to actually get up and help them find a book. But he doesn't mind this time because he's more than welcome to help someone find their next great adventure, even if it is completely fictional.

Closing time comes around too soon and Louis quickly locks up the store and makes his way outside, only to be greeted by an all too familiar face.

He doesn't say anything, and neither does she as they stand there in complete silence staring at each other. It's been two months since they've seen each other and Louis doesn't want to back track in the process he's made. He still loves her, god does he love her with every fiber in his being, but he's not in love with her. Actually, he was planning on going to see one of his new friends, Amber, that Carson had introduced him to. The two of them have been talking a lot lately, and Louis isn't going to lie to himself and say he doesn't have feelings for her.

"Uhm, hi?" Louis says awkwardly, shifting his weight into his right leg as he plays around with the keys in his hands. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," she said with a small smile, gesturing to Louis.

To say he was shocked is an understatement. "Oh, okay. But, uhm, why?"

Bella looks down at her feet, nervously playing with her fingers. "Just to see how you're doing, I guess, because we kind of ended things on a bad note and I want to make sure you're okay. I still care about you."

"Yeah, I'm fine. How's the internship?" He asks a bit too casually. Louis found out Bella left to go to California about a week after she left, which left him even more shattered because she didn't have the decency to tell him the truth.

"It's been really great, yeah. It's been a great experience."

"That's good to hear," Louis says with a small smile. "So how long are you planning on being here?"

"Oh, I moved back here now. I'm just going to finish up the rest of my college years over here then take a job they offered me once I get my bachelors. Then I'll get my masters when I'm over there again. Despite how much I liked the internship, it wasn't for me."

Louis smile quickly faded and he looked down at his hands, wondering how her being here was going to affect him.

He didn't say anything after that, and neither did she, the two of them avoiding each other's glances.

"I guess I should get going then. I, uh, have plans tonight actually." Louis says, gesturing to his car.

"Oh, that's great! With who?"

"Just this g-... um. Just Carson. Yeah, just Carson. Bros night, yanno?"

"Hmm, well then have fun. I hope we can catch up some time soon, yeah?" and Louis could tell just by looking at her that she was hiding the pain behind her words.

To be honest, Louis didn't want to at all. He actually wanted to avoid her at all costs. Graduation was just around the corner and he didn't want anything stopping him from it. But he couldn't say that directly to her face. "Yeah, sure."

And he didn't let her say anything else before he walked around her and stepped inside his car, quickly turning it on and driving to Amber's place.

[A/N: Not too proud of this but here ya go]